Friday flashback.

Last year, the morning post.

“Thank you to anonymous”

“We’ve got you, doll”.

Yes, I have two titles today.

Yes, I have debated whether to write this one, because many of you will believe I am crazy. But that’s nothing new, really… so here I go.

I’ve been blessed my many. I went to pay for Quinn’s morning program yesterday, and my friends who work there paid for it already. Third month in a row.

I had a pretty good day after that. I started to get a headache, but had reflexology, so I was excited.

I booked it for yesterday because today I go for bloodwork, and I feel it will help my blood counts.

When I got to the Peaceful Scorpion, I told Danielle D DeLongis about something that happened to me at Reiki Class Saturday.

Here comes the part where I sound crazy.

On Saturday, at the end of class, we had to keep our eyes closed as the Master Reiki Healer gave us the gift of attunement. I can’t say what she did, as we had to keep them closed the whole time. She told us we may see, smell, hear things. We may get emotional. We may even feel the presence of loved ones.

Hocus pocus, a small part of me thought.

But then, I reminded myself that this is my life on the line and to open myself up.

While my eyes were closed, I heard knocking on the Giving Room Door. I felt that people were in the corner of the room. Then it wasn’t people.

It was my grandma, my grandpa, my dads mom I never met, my dads brother “Uncle Larry”, and even my “Uncle Dennis”.

Behind me?

I felt nanny and poppa.

I heard my nanny’s voice say, “We’ve got you, Doll”.

Poppa said, “it’s okay, babe”.

Babe and doll were their names for me.

Then I smelled incense, I got hot, and I also saw a bright yellow light behind my eyelids. I started crying.

I didn’t open my eyes, because I didn’t want to lose that feeling.

When the healer finished, I asked sandy if she heard the knocking, or felt the incense. She didn’t, but had her own experience.

As I told this to Danielle, she kept nodding her head. She said I wasn’t crazy, and that she had something to tell me.

Someone who wishes to remain anonymous called her.

This person read on Facebook how I have decided to stay at The Peaceful Scorpion. This person called up Danielle and told her that he/she is going to pay for all of my treatments. Twice a month.

Anonymous.

I sobbed.

Then I got ready for another reflexology session. I lay down on the warm bed, got under the heated blanket, and held two warm rocks over my breasts.

At the end, Danielle brought out her singing bowl and did reiki.

It happened again.

A bright light came into my eyes. But different this time.

The only way to describe it would be it was like Heaven slipping through the cracks of my eyelids on the bottom as they were closed, then filled my eyelid space.

Then my lower back, where my cancer has spread, got very warm. I thought ,”Oh my God, it just left my sacrum”.

Then…

Nanny and poppa were at my shoulders. I heard Nanny say,”We’ve got you, doll”.

I started crying again as Danielle continued to lay hands on me.

When she was done and I got dressed. I put the two rocks on the bed and took a picture so Incould remember Nanny and Poppa in that room with me. I apologized for crying while she worked. I told her what happened. I told her it was nice to hear Nanny’s voice again and feel them behind me.

She said she felt my nanny and poppa too.

I came Home and was emotional. I told the kids and Morgan started crying. It has been a hard week for a lot of reasons for her. I assured her that I will be ok, and that we are surrounded by kindness.

I went to Madison’s concerts after. I saw my Aela, a sweet former student who I know has been scared for me. I told her I will be at her high school graduation.

I saw Grace, another former student who is in high school. Her mom Laurie has told me Grace has been upset. Grace told me she had a dream she was shopping and couldn’t find her mom. Then she found me and she was crying. We talked and she knew I would be ok.

I didn’t cry at Maddie’s concert. I sat next to my mom and dad and rob and maddie and morgan, surrounded by former parents and students, watching former students and my girl play instruments and sing. I didn’t cry because I am no longer afraid I won’t be here to see more concerts.

I tucked in the kids, and Maddie asked about if my bloodwork today will show my cancer is shrinking.

I told her yes.

She breathed deep, and said good.

This is harder on them at times than me.

That’s my story.

I told you I would sound crazy.

Crazy and cured.

So…

Thank you to all of my parents and children that I saw last night who hugged me. Once you’re my student, you’re always in my heart.

Thank you to Anonymous, the person on Facebook who had gifted me The Peaceful Scorpion. I have no words for the gift you have given me. Danielle wouldn’t tell me your name. So whoever you are, you are my blessing.

Today at 4:00 I will be in Stonybrook having my blood taken to check my levels.

Rob is coming with me, my parents have my kids, and my loved ones, here on earth and in heaven, will all be with me.

I know it.

I feel it.

I am cured.

❤️❤️❤️

In Jesus’s name, amen.

Xoxo

Keri

“Do I Make Stage Four Look Easy? My answer is A or B”

Whenever I see people, especially those I havent seen in a while, I always get the “How are you dooooooing?” with that almost scared, sad look. I know they are praying for the “good answer”.

Then I make a choice.

If they aren’t in Facebook land, or blog land, or Instagram land, or twitter land, they really have no clue.

Do I say, “Great! Still here!”

Or do I tell the truth?

“I’m exhausted. Just had more blood taken to check my CBC panel from round 13 of the biohazard drug I swallow every morning that comes in a neon yellow bag. It’s going to be really cold and either rainy or snowy tomorrow because apparently instant menopause makes your bones a human barometer and man, my whole body hurts like I went ten rounds with Mike Tyson (but my ear is intact). ”

“My mind keeps trying to drag me to the dark place where Mr Google statistic lives holding the huge countdown clock the first oncologist gave him. My hair has not been my friend, but at least I have hair, right? Oh, and I just started wearing a night guard at night to see if it was truly just my teeth grinding at night while I tried to sleep instead of osteonecrosis of the jaw, which is a side effect they are concerned about. I’m also wishing I was somewhere warm instead of planning on a MRI full body scan to make sure the organs and bones are all still healthy. Other than that, kids are great, hubs is still hanging on with me, and my dog is crazy. I’m faking it til I make it, whatever that means. But man oh man, do I love Jesus. How are you?”

I always opt for choice A.

If I was honest and said choice B, people would avoid me like I was the plague, or had the flu, which is apparently like the plague if you listen to the news.

You people in cyberspace land get answer B.

In person, people get A.

Some already avoid me and have stopped following me in Facebook land. Oh, they are still on my “friends list”, but when I mention something huge going on, I get the blank stare of, “Oh, crap. I just totally gave away that I pretend to be your friend, even though I haven’t liked or commented on a thing in a year.”

That’s ok.

Cancer isn’t everyone’s cup of tea.

Even if it’s chaga tea.

To be honest, it’s not even my cup of tea.

After I give answer A, I get the, “But you LOOK good!”

Thank God for that.

Imagine if after I responded how great I am, people would say, “Whew! Because you look haggard, exhausted, and you’re weave is looking a little overused.”

I said to someone I think I make Cancer look easy. I am still doing everything I used to do BC. (Before cancer).

I am still working full time.

I am still driving my kids to their extra activities.

I am still cleaning and doing laundry.

In fact, I’m doing more, because now I have added all the extra stuff to my day of holistic stuff, supplements, early morning bible reading, middle of the night meditation and prayer.

And I’m doing it while in pain and exhausted.

But at least I look good.

Or so they say.

So, if you are a person living with cancer, I see you.

I know it’s not easy.

I know what’s behind answer A.

Answer B.

But people will get tired of answer B, even though it’s your life for God knows how long.

So you say answer A.

I see you.

I cant join support groups because I’m an empath, and take on other people’s pain.

I’ve got enough of my own, but man, I send all those people my love.

I think we all have different answer B’s behind our A’s.

Your answer B may be divorce, breakups, different illness, depression.

Today, know you’re not alone.

I see you.

May we all see through the A answers and just love people through the B’s.

In Jesus’s name, amen.

Xoxo

Keri

Throwback Thursday

“I Rise Up”

Everyone knows by now that 3

is my number.

I have 3 siblings who have helped me rise up by texting me, cooking for me, letting me sob and just try to breathe on the phone.

I have 3 children with the love of my life.

I get 3 signs that show me God is whispering and pointing the way.

Ive found 3 new business I never knew existed, The Giving Room, Good Foods, and The Peaceful Scorpion. They have helped me begin to heal.

“I am cured” are my 3 words.

I am surrounded by people who help me rise up when I feel I can’t, like this past hard week.

But I also now find JOY, (a 3 letter word) when I help others rise up.

We all need each other.

We aren’t meant to be alone.

When God created Adam, Adam had birds and animals and trees. But He knew Adam needed someone else.

Hence Eve.

God made fellowship.

We are meant to flourish…together.

We are meant to help each other.

It feels good to take care of others and bring them joy.

It feels good to be taken care of by others and feel joy.

I downloaded this song a long time ago, and God whispered in my ear that not only did I need it yesterday…

But so did my friends, my family and all of you.

Here are the lyrics.

I added the video.

Please. Take a minute and read the lyrics, and watch this beautiful woman help me rise up.

I listen to her in the shower and raise my hands to heaven.

All we need is hope, and for that we have each other…

I rise up.

I am cured❤️

“You’re broken down and tired

Of living life on a merry-go-round

And you can’t find the fighter

But I see it in you so we gonna walk it out

And move mountains

We gonna walk it out

And move mountains

And I’ll rise up

I’ll rise like the day

I’ll rise up

I’ll rise unafraid

I’ll rise up

And I’ll do it a thousand times again

And I’ll rise up

High like the waves

I’ll rise up

In spite of the ache

I’ll rise up

And I’ll do it a thousand times again

For you

When the silence isn’t quiet

And it feels like it’s getting hard to breathe

And I know you feel like dying

But I promise we’ll take the world to its feet

And move mountains

Bring it to its feet

And move mountains

And I’ll rise up

I’ll rise like the day

I’ll rise up

I’ll rise unafraid

I’ll rise up

And I’ll do it a thousand times again

For you

All we need, all we need is hope

And for that we have each other

And for that we have each other

We will rise

We will rise

We’ll rise, oh oh

We’ll rise

I’ll rise up

Rise like the day

I’ll rise up

In spite of the ache

I will rise a thousand times again

And we’ll rise up

High like the waves

We’ll rise up

In spite of the ache

We’ll rise up

And we’ll do it a thousand times again

For you oh oh oh oh oh ”

In Jesus’s name, amen.

Xoxo

Keri

After school I went to the water. I met with other people who believe in energy, something out there that is bigger than them, science, and a little bit of magic.

It was cold and windy, but I felt the energy and excitement more.

We were there for the moon.

The super blue blood moon that hasn’t happened in over 150 years.

The clouds had rolled in and people thought it wouldn’t be seen.

At 5:30 the clouds on the horizon looked like they were over a fire. They were illuminated by a red glow.

We all lined up and went quiet with intention setting, meditation, silent reflection, and prayer.

I started to pray.

Suddenly I heard a gasp and opened my eyes.

There, peeking up over the cliffs in the distance, was the top of the blood red moon.

She was beautiful.

Breathtaking.

I started a Facebook live video because I wanted others who couldn’t make it to be able to see it.

I actually watched it rise up, like a phoenix from the ashes.

I knew I had to put my feet in the water, snow and wind be damned.

My friends Laura and Paula from the Giving Room went in as well, which was perfect.

Three souls in the water.

I ran up to the waters edge, took off my socks and boots, hiked up my leggings, and ran in. I had my selenite crystal wand in my hand too. God made everything on this Earth, and I believe He made the selenite crystals to have healing energy for me as well. The moon and sand and sea all recharged it.

I threw my hands up in the water and danced and thanked God for my life, my friends, my health, my love, and asked Him to continue to completely heal me, as well as help all of my other friends I offered prayers for, and asked for it all in the name of Jesus.

I knew I probably looked like a wild witchy woman from afar, but in my heart I was a free, healed, Jesus loving born again and again and again daughter of a King.

And women like me?

We don’t care what we look like anymore.

Love can break the chains of what holds us back.

I’ve got big love.

Love of my husband, love of my children, love of my family and friends, and love of Jesus, all in my heart.

We came out, put back on our shoes quickly, and then everyone started to leave the beach.

I stayed behind and wrote in the sand with my wand.

It was too cold to bend all the way over, and my hands were frozen, so having the long wand sure came in handy.

I drew a circle and wrote, “Heal, Healed, Healer”, and then “Faith Over Fear”.

Paula waited for me and then we left. Another friend stopped us and took our picture. She also said she took some of me when I was in the water and on the beach.

I did look like a wild woman, and when I sent them to another friend, she said I looked free.

I’m doing my best to be free physically of all cancer, but becoming free from it mentally and emotionally has been hard.

Last night helped.

Then we went to the Giving Room and there were candles and yoga mats and blankets lovingly prepared for us to lay down upon and just breathe. I saw the daughters of a man I have prayed for every day, and also another man who I sent to Dr Snuffleuffugus. It was the first time I ever met him in person. It was a good night to meet someone whose life is also being helped by a secret Chinese man.

We wrote down our intentions.

I wrote on the front and back of the paper for myself, and also wrote the names of those I have special prayers for right now. It changes day by day, as I feel some need extra prayers at times more than others.

Kind of like Arya Stark in Game of Thrones with her list of names.

(But I pray for their lives to be helped…Arya is out for vengeance,

I’m out for love).

Paula ended it with poems about love and the moon.

There was one poem about how everyone’s eyes are like moons, and we all want love to be reflected in our eyes. That’s how the moon works, you know.

I talked to my kindergarten about it. It doesn’t get smaller and bigger, it just has more light from the sun shining on it and it reflects the light back to us. When it’s full, it’s feeling and showing all the light from the sun.

Same with us and love.

When we are fully receiving love, we reflect it to others, even during the darkest nights.

How perfect.

Today I’ve got to move quickly, as my oncologist wants my levels checked today, mid chemo session. I’ll drop off the kids, run to the lab, then try and get to school on time. After school morgan has an eye doctor appointment, then I’ll get home around 5:30 or so.

Then?

I’ll look at the moon and thank it for its love and light.

Then I’ll thank God for all of my love and light and life and laughter…. and for the moon, stars, sun and His son.

Today may we all be reflections of the sun… and the “son”. May His love and light fill your life so brightly that you shine for others, even when the wind is blowing and the clouds move in and the night seems dark and long.

The moon is there, reminding you by the Its reflection of the sun’s light, that brighter days are coming.

Hold on for the sun/son.

In Jesus’s name, amen.

Xoxo

Keri

PS. Here are some poems I found for you. Enjoy, then look at the moon tonight.❤️🙌🏻🦋

I’m posting this post from last year.

Still true.

“Touching and breathing”

I keep thinking what the doctor said. “It’s not the cancer that will kill you. It’s the sicknesses you can get while your immune system is compromised”.

I think it especially as I teach my 26 kindergarteners in the height of flu/cough/cold/conjunctivitis season.

If one child coughs, suddenly EVERYONE coughs to show how they can remember to do the vampire cough I taught them.

I imagine myself as Keanu Reeves in the matrix. As all of these invisible sick particles head my way at once, I block them with my super powers.

I’m a touch teacher. I hug, hold hands, rub backs. I’ve been less of a touch teacher lately. But then…

I brought one of my little girls to the nurse yesterday. She is quiet, and has never been there… and didn’t want to go.

I walked her down, telling her how much I love her and that I just wanted her eye to be looked at.

As she sat on the cot as the nurse and I spoke, I saw it.

I saw the fear and panic in her eyes.

I saw her start to breathe in shallow breaths as she looked at me.

I know that look.

That’s my look every time I went to Sloan.

I made a decision.

I called her over to the door, (I couldn’t go into the room as it was full of sick kids.)

I kneeled down.

I hugged her.

I held her.

I kissed her head.

She cried on me.

I did my “mommy hug”, the one where you just hold your child and let them cry on you as you whisper and tell them to breathe.

I knew my doctor would yell at me, but I knew at that moment, it was what she needed.

And I need it too.

We decided she would stay with me until she got picked up.

Touch is important. I missed it when rob was so sick last week.

So is breathing.

I get headaches and nausea as they day wears on. As I walked the kids to the buses yesterday, by the time we got to the last bus, I just couldn’t breathe. I work hard all day to make sure the kids don’t see any of my headache or nausea, and I’m exhausted from being wound up tightly.

I got home and slept, and felt guilty how much I give to other people’s kids and have barely anything left for my own.

But then rob came home, made them dinner, I woke up, he made me my magic herb potion, we watched Toy Story 2. (And I sobbed when the song “When she loved me” came on and maddie grabbed me tissues.)

Quinn laid down on top of me and we snuggled. Morgan kissed my forehead.

I read the book “Joy.”

I did deep breathing, and more reiki on myself. (I also just did reiki on Kasha the wonder dog. What else does one do at 4:00 am when you can’t sleep?)

So today…

Hug more people. I mean, deep meaningful hugs. Just make sure you know them.

Breathe deep. Hold it for three counts, then let it out slowly through your mouth and make the “shhhhh” sound.

We don’t realize how we are barely breathing all day long.

I will hug, breathe deep, and imagine myself as Keanu in the matrix when my kids cough and sneeze on me.

(And maybe not breathe so deep at that moment while I grab some sanitizer ).

I am cured.

In Jesus’s name, amen.

Xoxo

Keri

If you watched the speech last night like one half of America, you cheered, clapped, and felt so much hope.

If you watched the speech like the other half of America, you sat with rage in your belly, mouth pursed, hands clenched.

My feed is full of President supporters and President haters. I become sad when I see the President belittle, demean and make fun of people. I teach five year olds not to do that. Then I just shake my head at the total irony when people who despise him do the same about him.

We have a long way to go, people.

We need honest conversations, without anger, judgement, or sarcasm. Even if you don’t agree with someone, you’ve got to validate that they have feelings. Our feelings are real and true.

It’s what we do with them that sets our course.

I loved the story of the police officer who heard God whisper to him to adopt the baby from the pregnant woman who was about to shoot up heroin. That guy would totally get what I mean when I say I get whispers.

God didn’t stop talking to us when the Bible was written. We just have to be still and listen. He puts things in our heart and soul.

Be still.

Listen.

I loved the little boy who say that graves of heroes were not decorated and decided to do something. Let’s honor the dead, but let’s do even more.

They fought for our freedom. For our country. Not for a country that is so divided.

I watched the #metoo movement and didn’t cheer, because there’s nothing to cheer about when women are victims…and victims in so many ways.

Women are not taken seriously.

I had an issue… actually two issues, recently. It took several emails and four face to face meetings before I got results, as well as the proverbial, “Soon, my husband will get involved.”

Then I got the results.

I wondered what would have happened had my husband sent the first email?

(Go ahead, men, shake your heads and think how crazy that is…

And go ahead women, can I get an amen?)

I watched the politicians sit on their hands in protest. Make faces. I saw the other half cheer and stand up and smile.

It made me sad. The people in that room represent US. Are we really all that different? Are we all really refusing to even acknowledge each other?

I dont think so.

I think we need to get into each other’s lives. Many Facebook walls are full of people who look like you and think like you.

Get out there and get to know people who don’t think like you or look like you.

You’ll be amazed at how much you can learn about others, and yourself.

Today, it’s a super blue blood moon.

That hasn’t happened in something like 152 years.

It’s also the day after an unexpected snow day.

Pray for me.

The weather and the moon phases totally have an effect on the kids.

The politicians too.

I spent the day dusting and vacuuming and mopping and cleaning up from the scaffolding.

I also had a red bird come while I had my soup for lunch and was looking out the window.

Today I’ll go get my mouth guard to see if that helps with my jaw, do a juice fast to prep for tomorrow’s labwork, then go to a beach and send out my prayers while the rare moon rises.

I’ll pray for our country, and our world.

The speech ended with the story of a man who overcame hardship in North Korea, and now uses his history of pain to make a future full of hope for others.

That’s the America we need to focus on.

We’ve all got pain.

Let’s turn it around and make it into a positive.

It’s possible.

All things are possible with God.

In Jesus’s name, amen.

Xoxo

Keri

Another throwback…

I’ve got a snow day, so maybe I’ll work on the blog a bit…

Or rest and hug my kids.

“Support Groups”

Yesterday started off a little rough. I started my new formula of herbs from Dr Snuffleuffugus. Yup. It must be more powerful, because it tastes and smells worse. While trying to gag down the huge chemo pill after taking the formula, I started to get sick.

Swallowing a pill while trying to hold down vomit is not easy.

But then I went to church. I had tears running down my face as Pastor spoke about the beautitudes in Matthew 5. Then one of the women in bible study, a woman who will be 91 and who gave me so much courage when this began, spoke about how she has to wait until April for a medical test. She is scared, no family around. Something came over me and I spoke in the group about Joshua 1:9. I told her how she is never alone, that God is with her, and that she was one of my rocks and supports when I was so scared and waiting on my tests.

Then I got a message from Danielle at The Peaceful Scorpion. Even though she is just starting her business, she has decided to not give me the 10% discount on all of my treatments, but has been moved to give me a 60% on all of them. I had just been speaking to Sandy the night before about how I can get free reflexology at the north fork breast health coalition, but I feel God sent me Danielle and need to stay with her, even though I pay for it. God sends me angels all the time. She is one of them.

Then off to the Giving Room. This group of friends didn’t all know each other, but we were meant to be together. Paula DiDonato once again opened her heart and business and soul and educated us all. I have now five more field trips full of women who want to learn. I was surrounded by friends and my sister and felt loved.

We got home and went off to see Maddie run. I love to see her run. I spoke with other moms, her coaches, other girls I have seen grow up. After the meet, we went to Whole Foods and bought a whole bunch of organic food with gift cards from Rotary and a woman I work with.

We came home, and while unpacking..

I got sick. The kids saw me heaving on the lawn, trying to get into the house, then getting sick. Morgan was frozen in fear. Her social worker should have an interesting week with her.

But I cleaned myself up, got out my new magic potion and pills and swallowed them down. I think it’s because I got home late and didn’t take the potion until about three hours later than usual.

We put the kids to bed and I got a call from my former union president, and now school board member Ann Cotten degrasse. She called to tell me how I need to send in the paper for the NFBC to get a $1,000 grant already earmarked for me. I have the paper, but feel weird taking the money. She convinced me to do it.

Then rob and I and a good friend of ours ate dinner. He wants to get healthy, and is a bachelor. We bought him a whole bunch of organic veggies and fruits and at 9 pm we all made juice. I sent him home with four mason jars. He helped us laugh.

I know some people love their support groups. I can’t go to them. I feel scared, and hopeless.

I realized after he left that all day long I am surrounded by support group.

Here on FB, in my school, my friends who text me and get me through hard times when I reach out, my PTO moms,my family, my reflexologist, The Giving Room, Madison’s track family, my swim family.

Rob, Madison, Morgan, Quinn, and even my crazy dog Kasha. (I practiced reiki on her, I think it worked a little).

So, thank you.

You are all my support group and helped me get through this hard time.

I know a lot of people

Are posting lately how much they hate FB now because of politics.

Please don’t leave. Block everyone else but stay with me.

Plus, you don’t want to miss my post when I say I am NED.

I am cured❤️

In Jesus’s name, amen.

Xoxo

Keri

All day long we make decisions.

Some are little.

What to wear? Blow out the hair or leave it curly?

Some are little but add up to big results.

Will I eat a salad for dinner or mcdonald’s? One glass of wine or five?

Some decisions are huge.

Chemo or no chemo. This hospital that everyone said is great but OMG I feel like I’m gonna die there or this one where I feel hope but isn’t known as a top cancer hospital?

Lately there have been some spirited discussions on Facebook about another decision.

To get the flu vaccine or not?

Listen, I didn’t get it. Some of you out there think I’m crazy because it’s a tin foil hat conspiracy about vaccines and I’m on chemo. I didn’t give it to my kids either. It’s a personal decision. I stand by it. I’m doing all I can to stay healthy by eating right, cleaning, disinfecting, hand washing etc.

I told someone yesterday to turn off the news. The news is feeding the flu frenzy. You would think it’s the Black Plague. Yes, kids are getting the flu. Yes, some are dying from it. But it’s not at the panic crisis level that everyone on the news wants you to believe. They should be focusing on what’s really in your food, what we feed children, and how we are slowly killing ourselves with what we put in our mouths.

But that would cause billionaires who run this world to lose money, so…,

Quick! Divert the attention and make a panic about the flu!

Listen, if you got the vaccine or didn’t,

wash your hands, eat right, boost your immune system with a good vitamin D (Garden of Life is a good reputable brand), get outside and breathe in fresh air, wash your sheets, use thieves essential oil, exercise and stay hydrated.

Make those decisions.

I had another decision to make yesterday. I’ve been in the dark place since December. Jaw pain and body aches from medication and menopause will keep you there. Add in cold weather and rain and snow which is a bariatric pressure issue…

I make the decision to get up and fake every day.

I read some articles yesterday and reposted them on my wall. One told exactly how I feel, and the other told exactly how people treat me at times.

I am the angel of death.

People look at me and are reminded of their own mortality, as well as how miracles can happen.

It’s a weird place to be.

I sometimes feel like I should have a special cape.

I came home exhausted. Reading articles that speak to my soul can also keep me in the dark place. I just wanted to wipe off the smile I put on all day long, crash on the couch, and watch tv…(but not the news, because, you know… FLU EPIDEMIC!!!)

When I walked in the house and saw scaffolding and dust al over the house when I spent all day the day before cleaning when all I wanted to do was stay in bed…

I cried a little in the bathroom.

Then?

I slapped on a tutu, climbed that sucker, and took a picture with my kids.

Rob apologized for making me live in a construction zone for the last thirteen years, but if I can live for another forty five years, even in a construction zone, I’ll take it.

Decisions.

Choose to laugh over crying.

Some days it’s harder.

But it’s possible.

We have a two hour delay today.

It’s like God knew I needed two hours to get it together with my achey bones when it snows.

During today’s delay, make some good decisions. Don’t turn on the news. Spend more time hugging your kids. Talk to them about the super blue blood moon tomorrow that hasn’t been seen since 1982. I’ll be at a beach tomorrow night watching it rise.

I’ll be cold, but I’ll be there.

Today, may we all make decisions that water the seeds inside of us we want to have grow, not the fear seeds that hold us hostage.

Remember, all we need is faith the size of a mustard seed.

Good things are coming.

As long as you wash your hands, eat your fruit and veggies, and keep your kids home if they are sick.

In Jesus’s name, amen.

Xoxo

Keri

This one is a throwback. Fits the feel of the day.

“Wounded Healer”

It’s no secret the past three days have been hard.

Well, the last week.

Actually the past three months.

From thinking rob had thyroid cancer…

to Morgans alopecia…

to being told I had weeks or months or a year or two left…

to not one but TWO Disney vacations cancelled and seeing other people smiling on vacations while our world has been crashing down, thinking, “How can other people have such great times and smile while we are crying?”…

To chemo, huge needles, spinal biopsy, breast biopsy…

Sleepless nights…

Dark places.

My wounds have been big.

But…

Instead of curling up on a ball of fear, anger, resentment, jealousy…

I have opened myself up to courage, forgiveness, gratefulness and healing.

Believe me, it’s not easy and not perfect. Last night I had a moment of anger and jealousy and disbelief and hurt. But then I had to let it go, because those feelings feed my cancer. I got rid of the source, took a detox bath, and talked about my reiki class with rob.

Something the reiki master said struck my heart.

Some reiki practitioners are “Wounded healers”.

The wounded-healer is a powerful one in the culture. She said there are so many beautiful people who, in spite of life changing health challenges, show us the true meaning of fearlessness, empowerment, truth and beauty. Many have learned to value energy medicine, like Reiki, as part of their path to awareness, healing and enlightenment. I realized I am my own “Wounded Healer”.

I have wounds. But through my wounds I am finding beauty in others, gratitude for others, forgiveness, more love from strangers than from people I have known for years, more mindfulness, more patience, more God.

My mom and dad and siblings and spouses have been there for us for it all. From listening to me sob, to taking reiki class with me, to cooking new foods for me, to hugging me, to texting rob and talking with my kids, and just being here. God gave me a family that has my back, and helps me stand when I feel like I can’t. Days like yesterday.

Jesus is a wounded healer. He took our sins and had such pain on the cross.

He is my wounded healer.

I’m going to church today to love Him and thank him.

Yes, I may be wounded… now.

But…

I am a dragon.

I am a Phoenix rising.

I am the daughter of a king.

I am cured.

I am cured.

I am cured.

❤️❤️❤️

In Jesus’s name, amen.

Xoxo

Keri

We got up early to drive Maddie to the track meet. When she got out, I told her she was going to get a personal record. I had her say the words.

And guess what?

She did.

Your words have so much power.

Today’s bible study focused on the human tongue.

It’s so small, hidden inside our mouths, yet very mighty.

We can cut and wound and damage people when we use it like a knife.

We can lift people up and encourage them when we use it with kindness.

Big ships, when they need to turn, are steered by a rudder. When the rudder turns, the entire ship does too.

Your tongue is your rudder.

How you speak to yourself is how your body then follows.

We went to go food shopping on the way home from the meet, and wouldn’t you know… half of my town was there. Every aisle there was someone I knew.

I ran into a friend I used to work with. When I first saw her down the aisle, I was struck by how “light” she looked.

She has lost weight, and just seemed to have a brighter glow. But then as we talked, she was saying how upset she has been from a situation. She had been bullied at work, and as those who speak up usually have happen, she was transferred.

She couldn’t get over it. She quit her job.

I told her God has greater plans for her. She wasn’t meant to be in that job. She was meant for greater things. To stop giving her power and thoughts to the bully that was horrible to her, and to focus her eyes and words on the great things in her life. Her blessings over her burdens.

People, there was a whole church service in aisle seven in Stop N Shop.

Other people I knew walked by me and I gave quick hugs and went back to urging my friend to see the light surrounding her.

Then we hugged and I went off to find my family.

We came home and Joel Osteen was on the television.

I know, you either love him or hate him.

Me?

I’ve got no room for hate in my heart.

Plus, he manages to intertwine gospel into relatable stories.

He spoke about how God exceeds expectations.

How a crippled man asked Jesus for some coins, and instead of coins, he healed him.

How Hannah asked for one son, and after being barren for years, not only gave her a son, but three sons and two daughters.

How Jehoshaphat had to go into battle with an army that far outweighed his own, and asked God to help them.

The Holy Spirit entered and said to not be afraid, have courage, and the Lord would be with them.

The army sang loud songs, and they were so loud, the other armies became confused and slaughtered each other. When Jehoshaphat’s army arrived, there were no men left, and on top of that, there was so much in terms of riches and spoils for the victor, it took three days to collect everything.

God far exceeded the expectations.

Want some coins? How about you walk…

Want a son? How about I give you five children…

Want to win? How about we do it without lifting a sword, plus you get all the gold…

Last May when I went for the MRI PET scan, my goal was for the sacrum spot in the bone to be gone. My dad warned me to not get my hopes up, that we would be happy with stable or shrinkage.

God exceeded my expectations, and I was told complete remission.

I’ve been given this diagnosis, and I want to stay in complete remission for a long, long time.

God doesn’t just do one great thing for us.

He does many.

He’s got great plans for me.

And for you.

We’ve got to have faith.

We’ve got to have hope.

We’ve got to use our tongues as our rudders and steer our ships towards greatness.

We’ve got to use our tongues and bring other ships with us.

Today, may whatever plans you have become reality…but even bigger and better. May you use your tongues wisely. Speak your truth with kindness and compassion and love. Lift others up with your words and with grace.

And above all, get ready.

God is going to exceed your expectations.

In Jesus’s name, amen.

Xoxo

Keri