Touching and Breathing

I’m posting this post from last year.

Still true.

“Touching and breathing”

I keep thinking what the doctor said. “It’s not the cancer that will kill you. It’s the sicknesses you can get while your immune system is compromised”.

I think it especially as I teach my 26 kindergarteners in the height of flu/cough/cold/conjunctivitis season.

If one child coughs, suddenly EVERYONE coughs to show how they can remember to do the vampire cough I taught them.

I imagine myself as Keanu Reeves in the matrix. As all of these invisible sick particles head my way at once, I block them with my super powers.

I’m a touch teacher. I hug, hold hands, rub backs. I’ve been less of a touch teacher lately. But then…

I brought one of my little girls to the nurse yesterday. She is quiet, and has never been there… and didn’t want to go.

I walked her down, telling her how much I love her and that I just wanted her eye to be looked at.

As she sat on the cot as the nurse and I spoke, I saw it.

I saw the fear and panic in her eyes.

I saw her start to breathe in shallow breaths as she looked at me.

I know that look.

That’s my look every time I went to Sloan.

I made a decision.

I called her over to the door, (I couldn’t go into the room as it was full of sick kids.)

I kneeled down.

I hugged her.

I held her.

I kissed her head.

She cried on me.

I did my “mommy hug”, the one where you just hold your child and let them cry on you as you whisper and tell them to breathe.

I knew my doctor would yell at me, but I knew at that moment, it was what she needed.

And I need it too.

We decided she would stay with me until she got picked up.

Touch is important. I missed it when rob was so sick last week.

So is breathing.

I get headaches and nausea as they day wears on. As I walked the kids to the buses yesterday, by the time we got to the last bus, I just couldn’t breathe. I work hard all day to make sure the kids don’t see any of my headache or nausea, and I’m exhausted from being wound up tightly.

I got home and slept, and felt guilty how much I give to other people’s kids and have barely anything left for my own.

But then rob came home, made them dinner, I woke up, he made me my magic herb potion, we watched Toy Story 2. (And I sobbed when the song “When she loved me” came on and maddie grabbed me tissues.)

Quinn laid down on top of me and we snuggled. Morgan kissed my forehead.

I read the book “Joy.”

I did deep breathing, and more reiki on myself. (I also just did reiki on Kasha the wonder dog. What else does one do at 4:00 am when you can’t sleep?)

So today…

Hug more people. I mean, deep meaningful hugs. Just make sure you know them.

Breathe deep. Hold it for three counts, then let it out slowly through your mouth and make the “shhhhh” sound.

We don’t realize how we are barely breathing all day long.

I will hug, breathe deep, and imagine myself as Keanu in the matrix when my kids cough and sneeze on me.

(And maybe not breathe so deep at that moment while I grab some sanitizer ).

I am cured.

In Jesus’s name, amen.



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