Calamity and Craziness with Christ at the Center

Today is Crazy Mismatch day in school. Hubs said it’s right up my alley. I think he is leaving early on purpose before I finish getting ready so his eyes won’t hurt.

Yesterday was Superhero/Sport team jersey day. As I looked around my room I saw mini superheroes in full costume, as well as mini hall of of famers. We even kicked off a new writing unit in persuasive writing, and walked around the building writing down and asking people what problems they want us to solve.

We were superheroes, after all.

I think everyone forgets that they have a superhero inside of them all the time. You don’t need a cape to be a superhero, or need to find a superhero to get through hard times.

I found Jesus.

But listen…just because you have Jesus, doesn’t mean that calamity won’t come.

It will.

But with Jesus, you can find peace and breathe when you want to cry and scream.

It’s all in timing too. It’s promised that because I have given myself to Him, I will have everlasting life in Heaven. No pain, no sickness, just love.

Doesn’t that sound amazing?

He will definitely heal me totally and for forever. I just won’t know about if it will happen and I will stay in complete remission for the next forty five years or so while here on Earth. But once I get to heaven, I know it’s healing forever.

While I’m here, I have to stay with Him and listen. If I call on Him to be with me, I’ve got to trust in Him and listen to what He says.

It’s like parenting and having teens and adult children living with you.

If you want to live in my house, you follow my rules.

There is a passage where he speaks of building a house. If you listen to Him, and build your house, your life, on solid ground…when calamity comes, your house will stand strong. But if you build it on sand, without care, and don’t follow His word, it will be washed away.

Keep Christ centered, the cornerstone, and you can withstand any storm.

That’s why Rob named his new business DS Cornerstone Construction.

Amidst all the calamity and craziness that may come, keep Christ in the center, and you can withstand any storm.

Today, may we all keep Him in the center of of our lives and hearts.

In Jesus’s name, amen.



I Wanna Be Better

I haven’t been on the blog much this week. I’ve been on vacation, and took a break to live life.

I’m back… here is my post.

“I Wanna Be Better”

Some people ask how I am able to keep going and be so strong. Its simple.

I get my strength from Jesus.

Some people think that’s crazy, I’ve gone off the rails, become a Jesus freak.

That’s fine.

I don’t care anymore what others think.

I care about what I think, and how to get through the day.

If you mention Jesus to people, they get quiet. Some people even feel uncomfortable saying His name…

Yet they “celebrate” Lent, Easter, Christmas.

If you come to the party, you should know the person it’s for.

He’s pretty amazing and is 10,000% in love with you.

I went to church and bible study. We spoke about how man can manipulate the Bible. I learned about someone some people say was Adams first wife, Lilith. Not true. But some people believe that. It’s a pretty wild tale.

That’s why a bible based church is necessary. Keep with the word.

I came home and was still in need of the Word. I watched Joel Osteen, Steven Furtick and TD Jakes.

Man, they set a fire upon your heart. I went to the Giving Room and listened to Billy Graham as I drove.

I watched more from the I am Second channel.

I’m filling my cup.

For two reasons.

I’m headed back to work.

Not only is it the week after break, it’s Spirit Week. Which means every day we are all dressing up in outfits. Today is Superhero day.

Not only is it Spirit week, but I’m having my formal observation. I think its on either cowboy or princess day. Either way, I’ll get an Outstanding on my “professional dress”.

It’s also week two of round fourteen of chemo, and my labwork is next Monday and PETMRI is in three weeks from today.

I go back and forth between wanting to cancel it and keep it. The fear part wants to cancel it. “I feel fine. If something is wrong, then my mind won’t feel fine anymore.” The strength part wants to prove I’m still the miracle. “Get it over with so you can keep on living your life and leave cancer behind. Stage four ain’t got nothing on you!”

That’s why I seek Jesus. I find strength in the promises made in the Bible.

My friend Megan that everyone prayed for? She is still in the hospital, but her pain is getting lessened and her scans showed stable. I’m in a private group with her friends and family and we all entered prayer at 5:00 the other night for her. I felt peace on my heart when I prayed, knowing I wasn’t alone in my prayers.

TD Jakes had his choir sing a song yesterday. “I wanna be better”.

It was slow and moving and beautiful…

And that was the only line.

It’s all we need.

I wanna be better…as a mother.

I wanna be better… as a wife.

I wanna be better… as a friend.

I wanna be better… as a sister and daughter.

I wanna be better…as a teacher.

I wanna be better… to strangers.

I wanna be better…as a Christian.

I wanna be better… opening up other people’s eyes to the peace and love of Jesus.

I wanna be better…and healed completely for the rest of my time here on Earth, and be here for a long time, long enough to hold my grandchildren in my arms.

So today, that’s my prayer.

May we all be better in all the ways wish for when we pray.

In Jesus’s name, amen.





I haven’t kept it secret that I get what I call “God whispers”. He tells me when to do things, and I do them.

I’ve been wanting to visit a man for over a year, but knew it wasn’t time. I got the whisper it was time on Tuesday. Which meant I hurried to finish everything I has originally planned to do the next day so my morning yesterday would be free.

I contacted the man I was told to see, and he was free.

Who is this man?

Bob Jester.

I moved to this town the day after I graduated high school. I was hired to teach in the school district where I live. I married a local guy and became friends with all the local people.

Ask any of them who their favorite high school teacher was, and chances are they will say…”Mr. Jester”.

Now, a little teacher secret. If you teach in the primary buildings, and don’t live locally, chances are you will never know any of your high school colleagues. You work in two totally different universes, but share history with students at different times of their lives.

Bob was different.

He became our Gifted and Talented teacher before he retired, and ended up getting to come down to our primary level.

That’s how I met him.

The man lived up to the legend.

He eventually retired, and continued with his chimney sweep business. When I won Teacher of the Year, it wasn’t so much the award I was given, but the company I was now included with.


Bob had won it too.

Last year he fell off of a ladder and was paralyzed. It’s been hard.

We’ve both been thrust into this new arena of having to heal our bodies. We’ve both been researching new trials and ways to heal, with science and with faith. We’ve sent messages to each other in the middle of the night to encourage each other.

Yesterday, we got to sit in the same space.

I’m not going to share much of our conversation, but man… we hit on everything.

Almost two hours.

We are both worried for the children. Technology isn’t your child’s teacher.

Don’t let it become their world.

We laughed, got emotional, I prayed, and we both finally got our faces on a Wheaties Box. We met at where he does physical therapy and they have a whole Olympic theme going on. I said that not only can Bob win the gold, he can explain all the properties of the different metals.

I left and as we said goodbye, I noticed the time…11:11.

Of course.

If you ever want to meet a humble, graceful hero… go see Bob.

I came home to prepare for the Dungeons and Dragons event and saw Kathie Lee Gifford discuss the passing of Billie Graham. If you have time, watch her interview from the Megyn Kelly show. Man…she took everyone to church…. on national tv.

She was asked who the next big evangelist is of our time, and I loved her answer.

She said it could be your plumber, or your co-worker.


We have been looking for leaders to lead the way. There’s only one.


It’s not up to one person to tell everyone that. It’s up to all of us.

Billy Graham said he didn’t need a successor, just willing hands to carry the torch. When Elijah and Elisha were talking before one was brought up to heaven, he said to double the portion.

Billy Graham was a teacher.

We can all be teachers too. We can all double the portion of faith. Churches have been sanctuaries, a safe place to worship. It takes courage to worship and praise and talk about Jesus outside of those walls… but there is a revival happening.

I see it and feel it.

We are all teachers.

School teachers have been in the news a lot recently. They have died in a hail of bullets. They have had people say they should be given guns.

I say give me children and families who also know the ten commandments instead of just arguing about the first and second amendment.

Honor your mom and dad.

Honor your neighbor.

Don’t lie or steal or murder.


Love God.

Imagine kids who spoke of those rules instead of “I can say whatever I want, freedom of speech”, “I can/you shouldn’t have guns”, and “I don’t feel safe going to school.”

Kids don’t feel safe anymore.

We need to make safe spaces for them.

I had a house full of kids last night. Over twenty.

I fed them all in under four minutes.

Assembly lines work.

I had them all here for five hours.

No issues.

Not one.

I set down the rules.

No social media.

No making fun of anyone during role play.

Be kind.

Don’t make Kasha the Wonder Dog crazy.

Don’t make me crazy.

They all passed my test and have been invited into my house. If they break my trust, they won’t be allowed back.


I told them I loved them and thanked them for being my daughter’s friend.

They all helped clean up and I was in bed at 9:30.

They all had a safe space and were kids.

It was a busy day.

Today I rest, then go to a Tibetan Singing Bowl healing hour at The Giving Room.

Today, may we all remember teachers from our past who didn’t care where we came from or where we were, but cared about where we were going.

May we all pick up the torch and teach others about the joy and love and everlasting life we get when we allow Jesus to come into our hearts.

May we all work with our youth so they can one day enter a school and think about the learning they will do, instead of how to survive a worst case scenario.

May we all have a safe space.

In Jesus’s name, amen.



“Round 14 and Footprints”

It was a quiet Sunday.

We went to church and something in the sermon struck me. Pastor spoke of how immediately after Jesus was baptized, He had the heavens open and God spoke to Him, then led Him into the desert for forty days to be tempted by the devil.

I realized three things.

He went immediately.

Didn’t even get to celebrate this amazing thing. “Hey John! Can you believe it! I’m the Son of God! Did you see that?” Nope. He went immediately into the wilderness.

When He was there, we all know He fought the devil. But He wasn’t alone. God was with Him, and angels ministered to Him.

Why forty days?

I guess that’s the length of time that God figures is a good amount for a test. Noah was on the ark for forty days and forty nights, and Jesus walked the Earth for forty days after Easter.

Forty days is a testing time. A time of trouble, where you lean on Him.

I also heard of Abraham, who was told to go kill his son. He went immediately. All things are second to God.

I don’t know how he did that. I struggle with that part.

But in the end, God said, “Wait! Psych! Just testing you…”

I bet Abraham breathed a huge sigh of relief.

He was told all of his descendants would number the stars in the sky.

Two men, who lived so long ago, and we still hear their stories.

They left a footprint for all to see.

Pretty amazing stuff.

My kids went with my brother and his wife for a day of nature walks, card games, and a sleepover.

I went to the Giving Room to drop off all of the coolers from the juicenado day earlier in the week. As I left, my sister in laws friend who we had just spoken about in church that morning pulled up into the lot. That always happens when I am there. Paula would tell you.

I went to Good Food and they gave me flowers for my niece. It’s her fifth birthday today. She is my sprite, and makes me laugh. Happy birthday Julia!

I came home and cleaned, got exhausted, and then mustered up the energy to check out the new restaurant in town. It’s lovely, and I hope it makes it.

Today I begin round 14 of chemo. Superpowers activate!

I’ve been up since 3:00 am. I saw a video with Scott Hamilton from some website called “I am second”. It struck me that it fit with Abraham. All things are second to God. Twice I heard that in one day.

Keep Jesus first.

Maybe this waiting period for the PETMRI is my trial. Maybe this whole stage four thing is my trial.

And if I just focus on keeping Jesus first, my life will continue to be blessed and healed.

That’s what I pray for at 3:00 am.

Today my best friend is driving down with her husband and sons. I’m expecting to laugh a lot.

It will be good for my soul, and my cells.

Today, may we all put Jesus first, and remember “I am second.”

In Jesus’s name, amen.



Via Delarosa

“Via Delarosa”

On Friday night my mom was waiting for me at home. I cried a little, bit not too much, because my kids were nearby. I’m good at crying and pulling it together in the next breath.

My mom helped me pull more strength from where I didnt think I had any left.

She told me I just have to keep going.

I told her how tired I was.

First the stage four diagnosis.

Then another horrible thing I’ve been privately dealing with because of some scientist playing God and telling me about how brain cancer and bladder cancer and colon cancer are all waiting in the wings for me.

Then having to undergo surgery because the appendix decided to join the fun.

Three times I’ve fallen and felt like I’ve had enough.

Three times in one year.

It hasn’t been an easy path.

I woke up yesterday and Morgan went to dance class. Pretty quickly after she got there she asked me if she could be a part of the Living water Easter play. Her teacher also told me they want her to be in the “Via Delarosa” dance. I had no clue what that was, but sounded pretty, so I said yes.

I went for a walk on the beach with one of my dear friends and her daughter, who is also my student. We looked for sea glass, and right before we left, I finally found two blue pieces. I got all the kisses from them and felt happy.

I told rob I would get Morgan and drive to pick her up.

In the car is where I do my best crying. I also called another dear friend and told her how tired I was. She told me how Jesus fell three times while carrying the cross, and he kept getting back up.

I didnt remember hearing about that before, but again, I didn’t always pay the closest attention. She is also Catholic, and Lutherans and Catholics have different things we hold close.

I loved the fact she said three times he fell, as I felt like I’ve fallen three times.

I dried my eyes and went in and got Morgan.

Came home and another friend sent me pictures from inside Saint Patrick’s Cathedral and prayed right where I prayed at Christmas. There was a spot in the wall I loved.

Then we went to my nieces birthday and I had some great avocado pudding.

I was in bed by 8:30.

I’m up now and going to rush to get to church. I looked up the part about Jesus falling three times.

It’s not mentioned specifically in the scriptures, I think… which is why I have not heard of it, as my church is strictly bible based.

But I read something amazing.

The road Jesus walked on?

It’s called “Via Delarosa”.

The name of the dance I was told Morgan was going to be in on Easter.

That, my friends, is called a God Whisper.

Jesus fell three times carrying the weight of the cross.


He was nailed to the cross and the cross carried him.

I’ve got to give all my worry and the weight of it to Him.

I can spend the next few weeks struggling and falling under the weight of the worry of the results of the upcoming MRIPET scan, or I can live my life and give it all to Him.

The results will be the same either way.

How I choose to wait for the results is my choice alone.

I will give it to Him.

I’ve been helped along this path I’ve been walking by so many. I still have many helping me.

Today I will give thanks for all who have reached out the past two days with calls and texts and offers to take my children for sleepovers.

My family has been amazing. They’ve been by my side and helping me the last two days.

I’m a lucky girl.

Today may we all stop carrying our burdens and rest on the cross.

In Jesus’s name, amen.



Throwback…”Grieving and Rejoicing on the SS Joy”

Last years post…it feels like Groundhog Day.

“Grieving…and Rejoicing… on the S.S. Joy”

Most of my teachers friends will be posting pictures this week of vacation photos and fun getaways. I’ll admit it was hard yesterday hearing of all the fun things that were planned… and WELL-deserved. Then inevitably I would be asked if I had anything planned.

My response?

“Well, I have to have my vision checked Tuesday, Wednesday my brain and skull are being checked for metastasis with a brain scan at stonybrook, and Thursday I am having blood drawn to check if I’m neutropenic from this third round of 21 days straight of chemo. Good times!”

I grieve for the vacations of the past. Oh, we never went anywhere, but I didn’t have to worry about cancer.

I am also grieving for Morgan. I sent her coach a text this week thanking him for his part in the secret swim fundraiser. She was a talented swimmer. All three of my kids swam. They would glide effortlessly in the water, flip and continue to swim lap after lap… just a smooth rhythm. I would sit and watch in awe, as I can only hold my nose and doggie paddle. I made dear friends there, “swim sisters”, and we would talk about our lives, children, and celebrate their accomplishments. Cancer took that from us. It’s just too far to drive, and now that we’ve been out of the routine, I can’t see us getting back into it anytime soon.

There’s a lot of grief that happens with cancer. You grieve for the food and wine you used to drink. You grieve for the carefree days when you never thought about how badly you want to live. You grieve for your children, that now they are known as the kids whose mom has cancer. You grieve for your husband, who hasn’t had his fun and carefree wife in months. You grieve for your parents, who had to sit and hear a doctor say their daughter would die in a year or two. (Screw her… and not gonna happen, mom and dad.)

But here is the rejoice part.

Rejoice means to be “full of joy.”

We are slowly finding our joy again.

Filling up our cups.

Morgan meditated with her social worker yesterday. She told me she had a picnic on a mountaintop. She saw Gigi, my beloved nanny. She said Gigi told her she would see her again, and that she has me in her hands.

I never told morgan about me hearing nanny say, “We’ve got you, doll” during my reiki. I think Nanny and poppa have all of us…along with God.

Morgan is also going to try out a dance class at a local church today. I’ve found her spinning in circles lately. So today, she will go be with friends and dance… and hopefully find her joy again. She hasn’t really wanted to be away from me. It’s time to push her out of the nest a bit to test out her new wings. She won’t swim, but she will fly.

Tonight we will go to my niece Julia’s birthday. Being around my crazy family brings me joy. I’ll tell my family all about the amazing support I’ve gotten this week. The bracelets, the swim team, my school district than ran out of bracelets and had to order more, the school to the east two towns over that collected money for us.

They will make fun of my stamping of feet when I got my shot, then hug me. Julia likes to smack her butt at me. I’ve videotaped me smacking my own ass and sent it to her. Now that the shots were given in my abdomen this week… Julia and I will have a lot of butt slapping going on. (I may even bring my COWBELL.)

So yes, we’ve grieved… and will probably continue to grieve the little things. In order to heal, I need to grieve everything, and then forgive and move on. I’m working on it.

But grief isn’t the tidal wave that is used to be. It will still come…

but instead of the tidal wave that pulls you under and you can’t breathe, it will come in waves, sometimes even little ripples.

I’m now climbing into my lifeboat called the S.S. Joy…. and I’m the captain of this ship. I’ll navigate through the stormy seas with my crew, hold on to each other when we get tossed about, and know that sunny and calm days always follow the storm.

The S.S. Joy.

It will keep us afloat for a long, long time.

Re-joice. Re-joy.

Find the joy again.

Yes, there is cancer in my body… for now.

But I will refill my body with so much joy, there won’t be any room for the cancer anymore. It will either leave my body, or decide to switch teams and join my joy cells.

So this spring break, I’ll be on my own ship, taking on new passengers as I convince my cancer cells to hop out of the big waves into my S.S. Joy. We may not serve alcohol and seven course meals…. but we’ve got filtered water, organic food, dancing, hugging, and ass slapping.

I am cured.

I am cured.

I am cured.