I Wanna Be Better

I haven’t been on the blog much this week. I’ve been on vacation, and took a break to live life.

I’m back… here is my post.

“I Wanna Be Better”

Some people ask how I am able to keep going and be so strong. Its simple.

I get my strength from Jesus.

Some people think that’s crazy, I’ve gone off the rails, become a Jesus freak.

That’s fine.

I don’t care anymore what others think.

I care about what I think, and how to get through the day.

If you mention Jesus to people, they get quiet. Some people even feel uncomfortable saying His name…

Yet they “celebrate” Lent, Easter, Christmas.

If you come to the party, you should know the person it’s for.

He’s pretty amazing and is 10,000% in love with you.

I went to church and bible study. We spoke about how man can manipulate the Bible. I learned about someone some people say was Adams first wife, Lilith. Not true. But some people believe that. It’s a pretty wild tale.

That’s why a bible based church is necessary. Keep with the word.

I came home and was still in need of the Word. I watched Joel Osteen, Steven Furtick and TD Jakes.

Man, they set a fire upon your heart. I went to the Giving Room and listened to Billy Graham as I drove.

I watched more from the I am Second channel.

I’m filling my cup.

For two reasons.

I’m headed back to work.

Not only is it the week after break, it’s Spirit Week. Which means every day we are all dressing up in outfits. Today is Superhero day.

Not only is it Spirit week, but I’m having my formal observation. I think its on either cowboy or princess day. Either way, I’ll get an Outstanding on my “professional dress”.

It’s also week two of round fourteen of chemo, and my labwork is next Monday and PETMRI is in three weeks from today.

I go back and forth between wanting to cancel it and keep it. The fear part wants to cancel it. “I feel fine. If something is wrong, then my mind won’t feel fine anymore.” The strength part wants to prove I’m still the miracle. “Get it over with so you can keep on living your life and leave cancer behind. Stage four ain’t got nothing on you!”

That’s why I seek Jesus. I find strength in the promises made in the Bible.

My friend Megan that everyone prayed for? She is still in the hospital, but her pain is getting lessened and her scans showed stable. I’m in a private group with her friends and family and we all entered prayer at 5:00 the other night for her. I felt peace on my heart when I prayed, knowing I wasn’t alone in my prayers.

TD Jakes had his choir sing a song yesterday. “I wanna be better”.

It was slow and moving and beautiful…

And that was the only line.

It’s all we need.

I wanna be better…as a mother.

I wanna be better… as a wife.

I wanna be better… as a friend.

I wanna be better… as a sister and daughter.

I wanna be better…as a teacher.

I wanna be better… to strangers.

I wanna be better…as a Christian.

I wanna be better… opening up other people’s eyes to the peace and love of Jesus.

I wanna be better…and healed completely for the rest of my time here on Earth, and be here for a long time, long enough to hold my grandchildren in my arms.

So today, that’s my prayer.

May we all be better in all the ways wish for when we pray.

In Jesus’s name, amen.



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