I woke up yesterday and decided to keep rob company as he ran from job to job. Even though I was exhausted from no sleep, pain from all of the injections the day before, liver tenderness and UTI pain, I wanted to just ride in the car with him. We spent the day before in the car driving from the hospital to Queens and it was stressful. I just wanted to hear Christmas music and not cry.
He was able to drop me off at the giving room and I had some organic cinnamon buns and celery juice and a coffee smoothie. I laughed with Paula and Andrea and it felt good after such a long day the day before. I put on my rose gold wig and felt normal.
When we came home, I packed up some of my best cancer books, some inspirational books, and some soup and juices and miso for a new friend.
The bond that forms almost immediately when you meet someone in the arena with you is hard to explain.
You can just look into each other’s eyes and sit with the fear and pain,even if it’s a caregiver.
But you can also use the four letter magic word… hope.
Hope comes from faith.
Faith gives you strength.
Strength helps you love.
We sat for a while and it was one of those “God whisper” moments for me. I knew I had to see her, and felt almost manic until I did. I don’t remember a lot of what I said, sometimes I knew my eyes looked off to the side, words came out, and then I thought…”I hope that was ok to say.”
I left and heard from another friend who I sent to my friend Jennifer Williamson. She had a healing experience and was glad she went.
My friend Amy texted to see if I got my lab results, and when I went to check my email…. there it was.
The email from my oncologist.
The fact that she used THREE exclamation points two times and also used the word great is huge for her. The tumor shrank almost in half.
Listen, I pushed for the MRI for two reasons. One was medical. I wanted a baseline because I hadn’t been in treatment for the liver for a good six weeks and if there had been more lesions, I wanted a true reading to compare again in eight weeks.
The other was a God whisper. I wanted one because Odile had been working so hard energetically and I felt it. I had prayed that we would do the MRI and it would be clean.
I’m so thankful that door number two was the one that opened.
I sent the email to family and friends and Facebook. It’s amazing the support people give. Once again, because of Facebook, it was an amazing day to share great news. I also emailed Donnie and Odile. I’ll email Snuffleuffugus next week when I’m ready for the new batch.
Then I slept on the couch for about an hour. Do I know how to celebrate or what?
I also discussed with Rob going to the Annie Appleseed conference. We went two years ago and it was amazing. The lineup Annie has now for this year?
There are people in the cancer world who have gone viral. One is Chris wark. “How Chris Beat Cancer”. He has interviewed many people who have achieved remission. He will be there. I had a God whisper and contacted two other women I’ve come to know who have huge followings. Nalie Augustin and Stephanie Seban. They connected through cancer and have become best friends. They are even writing a book. They also use my herbalist and I had sent them pictures and told them about my meeting. We all messaged back and forth and I’m now trying to connect the dots and find a way to have Nalie fly from Montreal and meet Stephanie at the conference. We four women… Ann, Stephanie, Nalie and myself can all be with him in one place. Nalie has over sixty one thousand followers, and by spreading Ann’s Appleseed foundation, so many more people can be helped.
Fortuitous intersections and placing people in each other’s paths.
I’m praying it all comes together.
I had dinner with the kids and then tackled organizing all of my supplements. It’s overwhelming. This morning I’ll finish filling all of the ziplock bags.
I slept on and off last night. In my groups they say insomnia hits with these medications. I’ll have to work at sleeping better.
I woke up to the news that another friend I’ve made has passed. Sarah Day, thank you for your friendship and love. I’ll miss you.
I’m tired of friends passing away. I’ve now lost count…. yet each one is a mark on my heart.
Today we may try to see a movie. I was supposed to spend the day getting injections at the hospital. Because I emailed and my oncologist is a rock star and knows how mentally draining it can be to visit, she got me everything I needed Wednesday .
I cant believe it’s Friday. My vacation wasn’t much of a vacation, so I’m hoping to salvage it.
Nothing will change for me because of the news yesterday, other than the feeling of fear. I almost emailed the Boston doctor and wrote,”Dubious plan, my ass! Suck it!”
But I didnt.
My oncologist feels it was the tamoxifen, but we added the tamoxifen for the breast, not the liver.
I think it was the celery juice every morning, the hardcore sticking to the pills regime, the meditation, the reconnective energy work with Jennifer Williamson, the energy healing with Odile, the juicing from paula, the organic food, the fasting, the prayer, setting boundaries emotionally, a bit of the tamoxifen, faith in my oncologist and team, Rob holding me up, and Mary and Jesus and God and angels and prayers.
I’ll keep doing it all.
I realized it was my nanny’s birthday when I got the big news. Big things in this journey always happen on holidays or birthdays.
Thank you, Nanny.
I really needed to end the year on a good note. It’s been a while since I had a good scan.
Today may healing continue and the path be easy.
In Jesus’s name, amen.