I haven’t updated as much here. The higher chemo kicked my ass a bit, and I’ve been busy gearing up for school. I did much better than anticipated though, and went in yesterday for another round.

I didn’t sleep much last night, but I’m up and in another detox bath.

We decided we would watch and wait on the neulasta, If my count drops below a 1, then I’ll take it. It’s a concern as I am around small children, and I am immune compromised due to chemo.

I was worried about the neutrophil count being low and the neulasta issue… until I just checked my ANC levels from the past two years.

Yesterday I was 1.47.

I’ve been as low as 1.07 during the height of flu season and sailed through. I’m actually higher than I was for several months when I was on Ibrance.

I stopped sploosh this summer, but I think im going to go back to it. It’s a great way to get Manuka honey, cinnamon and dark berries in to my body. Donnie’s medicinal smoothie is a bit rough on the taste buds, so I’ll make that as an afternoon happy hour drink.

When I went to the meetinghouse deli by my school yesterday, I realized it was my last time going in for breakfast and lunch for chemo, as now I’ll be working all morning at school and heading in for afternoon sessions. The ladies there sent me on my way every time and didn’t charge us. The fact that they made my food with love and gave it with hugs and bible verses helped me more than they know.

When I got to the cancer center, I saw another patient who I’ve bonded a bit over wigs. I wore my new pink one, and she loved it. I realized something recently that made me upset. When I was told about chemo starting and losing my hair, I freaked about my hair. White women spend a lot of money of dying, cutting etc. When thrown a cancer diagnosis, and chemo, and hair loss, women panic and spend whatever is needed to try and retain a “normal” look.

Wig places will also tell you that you can be reimbursed by insurance, so you don’t feel as bad spending a lot of money.

Here’s the thing.

When I was speaking to a girlfriend who is African American, she was like…”You spent HOW much??? And that’s SYNTHETIC?? Girrrrrl… let me tell you about online wigs…”

For some women, wigs and weaves are commonplace. My eyes were opened and I was given tips and ideas, and I went online and was shocked at the price difference.

Shocked.

And angry, because man… the wig I got online is fabulous, I watched a video on how to cut the front lace, and I love it. It’s obviously a wig because it’s pink, but I may try another one in an everyday color just to check. If it’s just as amazing as the one we spent an obscene amount of money on…

When I’m better, I’ll help white women with cancer learn how to navigate online wig shopping and save a boatload of money.

Thank God for my girlfriend and her hair secrets.

Apparently when you put black and white together…

You get pink hair.

I handed out the pumpkin muffins and bread and it was a hit. I love the staff at the cancer center. They’ve become my friends, and I always feel happy to see everyone.

I was proud of myself when I asked for the orders for me to be changed from One anti nauseau med to another, as well as having the courage to refuse a medication. It’s hard to advocate for yourself, and patients don’t like to look like we are questioning. But we know our bodies best, and if you’re at a good place, you will be listened to when you speak up.

I love my nurses.

The port was accessed easy peasy, and there were no steroids at all this time. I sailed through the taxol and ended earlier than ever as I only had the one chemo agent. I’m still waiting on my CA125 Numbers, but they will be lower.

Rob was my rock again, and he may not slip glass slippers on my feet, be he is totally my Prince Charming.

I cried a little when I was sent a picture of Morgan at her middle school orientation. I was sad I was in a chemo chair instead of with her, but that made my blood pressure start to rise so I had to put the picture away and breathe.

We left the hospital, I had a salad at home, made rob a birthday lasagna, and went to school for the last minute items. Then we had dinner, and I took a two hour detox bath while listening to a podcast and getting back to peoples messages about cancer help.

There have been a lot lately…

A… lot.

I keep praying that the science breakthroughs happen sooner than later, and that western and eastern medicine and naturopaths and healers all get together and work in one circle.

Today I’ll keep detoxing, go for a walk, head to dress barn for an outfit for school, get kids a new outfit, and then rest.

Maybe even suggest Dress Barn change it’s name to Dress Boutique because really… what women wants to say they went into a barn to get clothes…

May today bring more healing for everyone who needs it, a super low CA 125, higher ANC, and great dresses.

In Jesus’s name, amen.

Five.

That was my sign.

We got up early and went to the deli. The Meetinghouse Deli across from my School hasn’t charged me for our food in my chemo days, but I’ve never been there when rob goes to pay as I usually Run across the street. When they just handed it to me and melissa hugged me, I just cried in her arms as she said she loved me and gave me an extra hug from maggie.

I took all of my week four pills, before breakfast pills, breakfast pills, steroid, Pepcid, and benedryl. My stomach is a walking pharmacy.

We headed right up to the cancer ward and I got weighed. You see, the first four letters of carboplatin is carb, and chemo and the steroids have decided to add almost thirty pounds. When they took my blood pressure it was a little high, but only because I saw that number on the scale and thought about how I have no school clothes I’ll fit into, as I got rid of my maternity clothes last year.

Only took ten years.

The port was accessed, blood drawn, then the tube was capped so I could head to the doctor downstairs. We still hadn’t decided which chemo to do.

I looked at Rob immediately when the doctor said “Five”. I honestly has no clue of I was going to to the higher dose of carboplatin with taxol week one, taxol alone week two, then off week three. Even while her assistant while her assistant was talking to me, I said in my head…”no… maybe… okay… no… Jesus take the wheel.”

When my doctor came in, she asked my decision and I still didn’t have one, so more questions. Then it happened.

I kept hearing the man from Oregon in my head saying,”The tumor isn’t smaller, Keri. It may have mutated and isn’t working and in fact may make it worse. Your treating it blind. Get the Caris biopsy.” So I took a deep breath and and said that to my doctor. She surprised me by saying that yes, we are in a way treating it blind, but the insurance company will only pay for one biopsy now and she wants to wait until after treatment finishes as that is when it can mutate as well. Again I said in my head, “Jesus help me”. Then the doctor said, “But Keri, only about five percent of treatment courses will change after a biopsy.”

I felt it in my gut and cried and looked and rob and said,

“That’s my sign. She said five.”

My doctor looked at us like we were crazy, but then again, she gave me the same look when I said I was zip lining this week, and I explained I asked for a sign and she gave it to me. I wanted a word, like when Donnie Yance said ,”Sherlock”, or a number. The number 5 carries a lot for me.

She nodded her head and said that was interesting… and the carboplatin medical name ends with a five, and the test result we are waiting on to see decreased cancer activity ends with a five, so that was three fives.

I could not believe that she said three fives, as you all know three is also my number.

So, Jesus took the wheel in the room.

I said ok, we will do it, even though the CA125 test we are waiting on wasn’t back and wouldn’t be for a few hours. If it didn’t drop, I was in trouble. My doctor again said that she feels that the fact the lymph nodes keep getting smaller and are harder to find is a good indicator it’s working, and my breast have fibrocystic bumps and part of the tumor could be those guys, and she just had a similar patient who when she went for the PET scan, what they thought was tumor was actually those cysts.

We left and went upstairs and began the long chair time. I visited my friend who told me she is struggling with her chemo, but it is working and has five sessions. Another five. I talked again about the port and said how much easier it was.

My vein whisperer gave me a card from her granddaughter who I taught years ago, and she wrote if I could get through her, I could get through cancer.

The other patient who talked to Mae about the port and hands out candy came and hugged me and said she was proud of me. She is the cheerleader in the arena.

We out on the socks with the frozen blueberries and peas and made it through the taxol. We got the call and were shown the CEA125 dropped again like we had prayed and had faith it would. Then the carboplatin began it took twice as long to push.

When it was over, we asked to video tape the removal of the port so I could show my friend how much easier it is. We did, and she saw it.

I shared it yesterday on Facebook I’m a teacher, and I have other people asking me about it.

I’ll share it here too, as I know ive got others here debating about a port.

We went to the wig place and I picked up color weaves for kindergarten color days, then came home and slept on the couch with rob. We woke up to his parents making dinner, which was a huge blessing.

Our summer son Joe came out with his mom. She got to see where he spent his summer, and Quinn got a birthday present that his manager Patti got for him. It made his whole birthday to have Joe back and get the gift.

I also invited Paula because I wanted her energy with me on this day I started the higher dose, and I wanted Joe’s mom to meet this other woman who loves him as much as me. Joe had two extra moms this summer, and it felt great to have him home with us. He is coming back out in October for another visit, and may bring his sister. We already can’t wait.

Im detoxing hard, took a bath last night, in one now, water bombing like crazy, and going to try to get in a mile. I read in the book, “Girl, Wash your Face”, that eventually if a friend breaks promises

You stop trusting your friend. Be your own best friend and keep your promises to yourself. I promised to walk four miles a week, so I’m doing another mile today.

They said the carboplatin will have a delayed hit, and day five may be hard.

Not if I detox like crazy these five days.

Please pray I tolerate the new plan better than anyone has ever tolerated it, my numbers continue to go down, and the pesky tumors decide it’s time to break away and leave.

In Jesus’s name, amen.

Xoxo

Keri

We decided to get away from it all.

ALL of it.

We went to camelback for three days. The first day was the indoor water park.

The kids swam and I read a great book. Girls, get this book. Seriously.

An old friend from college happened to be there, and i haven’t seen her since I graduated Cortland. She found me and we had the best hug.

But yesterday?

Yesterday was amazing.

We woke up and went to the buffet breakfast. I came back from getting my egg omelette to find quinn with a huge donut, eggs with ketchup… and an overflowing bowl of TRIX cereal. A cereal chemical shitstorm full of roundup. He looked at me and said, “Mom! I cant remember when I last had TRIX!”

I can.

November 17, 2016.

I decided we would do everything we could to live the life BC, before cancer, so he I let him eat whatever he wanted. He had three spoonfuls and was done. It was too sweet.

We headed off to the mountain adventures, and I put band aids and protective covering over the port. The first thing we did was the zip line. Rob and quinn went first, then the girls, then I was left alone.

I told the young kids working there that I was given weeks or months to live two years ago, was in the hospital a week and half ago getting a port, in the midst of chemo, and look at me now.

(I told that to everyone I met at every ride, and their eyes always opened in shock. I showed them my port, and told them their is always hope, and God has me, no matter what.)

Then the man counted down and I didnt jump.

Sometimes it takes two countdowns to take a leap of faith and fly.

I taped it to show my parents what I did, and when I posted it, people started commenting on an orb that followed me and was jumping around. Some say orbs in pictures are actually angels in motion. Well, mine was all over the place, either freaking out at what I was doing or cheering me on.

Then we went to a mountain coaster that was so fast, even with its breaks on. You ride it by yourself, and hearing my kids screaming as they flew down the rails deep in the mountains was scary and amazing. I taped that one too, and apparently I giggle when I’m terrified.

Next we did the alpine slide, and rob flew down the mountain. He said he remembered a slide like that at action park, and he totally relived his childhood.

We headed off to the outdoor water park when we finished, and on the trolley we sat by a woman who grew up in Valley Stream and another woman who works at Memorial Junior High, where I attended school. Valley Stream always finds me.

The outdoor water park was great, although chilly at 74 degrees. The kids all went on rides and had a blast. As we left, we all went on a ski chair lift to the top of the mountain. It was breathtaking, and we said maybe we’ll come back in the winter, depending on what happens with me.

We left at 3:30 to head back to mountain adventures for the treetop rope course. They gave us harnesses with two big safety clips and a zip line pulley attached. We went on a practice course and learned all the safety rules.

When it was my turn to try a rope swing like Tarzan, I fell and landed on the metal rope, straddlewise. I almost quit, but I knew I had to do it.

We went into the woods and began. Maddie lead the way, then Morgan, me, Quinn and rob. Pretty soon maddie and Morgan were ahead of us, with Maddie helping Morgan. She told us she taught Morgan her mantra…”Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit.”

I totally understood and said only when hanging from ropes a hundred feet in the air can you say that, although I prefer, “Jesus help me…”

Rob and I ended up tag teaming with Quinn. I would go first to show him and teach him the best way to do it, and if mommy the chicken could do it, so could he. Then I would wait high up on the platform and rob would help hook him to the wires. We would both give him tips and encourage him, with an occasional cheer from far away from his sisters. He would make it across the obstacle, I helped him hook both big hooks to the red safety wire while he hugged the tree, and we would wait on the platform for rob.

We hugged a lot of trees yesterday.

At one zip line I had a momma deer and her dawn five feet under me watching me. It was amazing, and deer were everywhere.

After three and a half hours, we finished. It was truly the best memory, with all of us working together as a team to complete the obstacle and stay alive.

Not a big deal really, since we do it every day with the cancer.

We had no phones, and were totally focused on helping each other. Every school should do this with different levels for each grade at the beginning of the year. Some kind of team building activity where everyone discovers how important we all are to each other, and how we can all help each other.

Not having phones was amazing. I need a locker at home. I need to come home, put the phone in a locker, and not take it out until dinner is done and I still have an hour before bed.

It was freeing.

When we finished the course, we walked down the mountain and passed more deer. I thanked then for their antlers that are in my Chinese herbs.

When we got to dinner, I turned on my phone and had about fifty Facebook notifications, private messages, and a whole bunch of texts. If I didn’t get back to you yet, I will.

Maybe by tomorrow.

Checkout is at eleven today, but we’ve decided to pack the car and then just stay here all day. The kids can use the water park, we can eat dinner here, and then head home tonight.

Life is for living.

I’ve got Quinns birthday tomorrow, then the big appointment with my oncologist and then chemo, where we decide if we go for the heavier dosage.

I’m sure she will think I’m crazy when I tell her what I did here, and then say…”So, yeah, I think your tolerating this dosage just fine and can try the heavier one.”

We will see.

But today, I watch my kids all have fun and stick together, while holding robs hand.

Not a bad way to spend a day.

We needed this.

May today bring more memories, joy and healing to us all.

In Jesus’s, name, amen.

Xoxo

Keri

What a day.

I went into school with Morgan and quinn and spent hours there putting up shiplap contact paper. I wanted to mute the brightness of the room and make it more calm and soothing.

My friend Mary stoped by and dropped of cool birthday crowns for the kids, as well as three tickets to the aquarium. She truly has the biggest heart. She is the president of the high school PTO, and man, if parents would back her and help with fundraisers… oh, the things she would do.

We left for Morgan’s dentist appointment and I quickly ate the lunch I packed. Food is starting to not taste great and leave a bad aftertaste, which I was warned about. I chew gum after eating now to try and deal with the aftertaste. As Morgan got called in and walked through the doors by herself, I sat and chewed gum and breathed.

Then?

Something crunched in my mouth.

My entire filling came out and I felt a hole in my tooth.

My heart dropped.

Usually it stinks to have a filling come out, but for a cancer patient?

It means getting clearance from the oncologist to get work done, possibly going on antibiotics… nothing is easy.

Morgan finished and I went in and hugged her dentist and the staff. Her dentist looked and affirmed the filling came out, and another staff member said I was in her dream. That’s the fourth person to tell me I’ve appeared in their dream the last month.

I must be a dream hopper at night.

We got in the car and a flurry of phone calls began between me and rob and the hospital. Rob spoke to my oncologist, she approved it and said no metal fillings, my friend Darla got me right in to see my dentist, and at 4:00 pm I was in the chair getting a needle in my jaw hinge.

And here I was thinking I had a week off this week from needles.

When my dentist finished, I ran to pick up my kids from my moms. As we left, I saw in my neighbor’s driveway some cars. Mouth swollen and numb, morgan with cotton in her mouth, we decided to stop by, and I’m so glad we did.

My “summer cousins” were out, and I had grown up and spent summers with Laurie and Scott. We don’t get to see each other much, and I love them. Laurie brought out her daughter who is Morgan’s age, and man, did Morgan need that. She hasn’t had any play dates in weeks, and it was so good to hear her laugh. The kids all played and I sat in the front porch I spent many summer days in and laughed with this family I love. Their mom is my “Aunt Judy”, who watched us all do crazy things together. I was so lucky to have a second family growing up, and so glad God put them in my path on a hard day.

We decided Morgan deserved ice cream for dinner, and as we left, Quinn lost a tooth.

I kid you not.

The three of us had teeth issues in a matter of five hours.

We all got ice cream, morgan and quinn had fun with Kaitlin as I told her all about funny stories growing up, how her mom was my idol, I loved her hair, how I love barry manilow because of her, afternoons watching Luke and Laura on General Hospital…

memory lane can be fun to walk down.

We dropped her off and came home.

Then I got home and got an email from Donnie saying he doesn’t want me to do the new chemo protocol, it could be too hard on the system, and he wants me to stay the course.

Which means emails to my oncologist at ten, and she immediately got back to me that we can stay the course or we can discuss how the new data shows this new plan is more effective.

Which means I sit at my dining room table and cry, trying to figure out what my gut is telling me to do.

I’m scared about the bigger dose at once, but I want to do whatever will give me the best chance at a very long life. I’ve been tolerating it so well, so maybe it won’t be as bad. What if Donnie is right, and it has already mutated and this plan induced the factor of competitive release which means the DNA damage from the carboplatin will strengthen other cancer cells to take the place of the ones there now and those will be even stronger and I will have exhausted the carboplatin option…

What things go through YOUR mind at ten pm?

This is hard.

I love my doctor, and rob and I are going to continue the discussion with her. She is a scientist and researcher, so she is always on the cutting edge. Dr Snuffleuffugus wasn’t happy about the higher Carbo either, but with both his and Donnie’s support, maybe I’ll do better.

I just don’t know.

What I do know is today Maddie dances in a talent show, and I have friends coming to learn how to meditate and breathe at my house tonight. I left out a jar of water last night for the ascension of Mary today. I’m Lutheran, but the thought of it was nice and made me feel better as I went to sleep.

Today, may answers come to me, more healing happen, the tumor begin to shrink, and no one have any tooth issues.

In Jesus’s name, amen.

Xoxo

Keri

Birds and signs.

Yesterday I wrote on my Facebook page about the rough night I had, and the long talks with God I had asking for signs. Do I go with the even more aggressive chemo plan which ultimately gives me less chemo sessions? Is this chemo even the right one? If the cancer has flipped, it could make it eventually even stronger.

When I woke up, I got my answer in the form of a Facebook post written by Patricia Polacco about how her mom defied odds, had the same chemo drugs as me, and miracles happen if you believe. It was sent to me by someone I haven’t seen since sixth grade.

We all stayed in comfy clothes yesterday. I actually did pretty well, other than port soreness.

Maddie spent hours on her summer homework assignment. I so strongly disagree with that, by the way. I dont care that she is in advanced classes. Those kids work so hard all year, then most get jobs in the summer. Let’s add on homework during vacation so their stress level never gets lower, so we can really prep them for the real world, because you’re never too young to be treated like an adult, right?

Rant over.

The other two helped me with laundry and stayed in pajamas all day as well. Rob worked on his paperwork and drawings. I looked at classroom bulletin boards and new curriculum. It stinks that it rained most of the weekend, but it made it easier for me to not feel so bad my kids did nothing while watching me recuperate.

By the time dinner rolled around, I rallied. Rob and I worked together and made dinner, and the sun finally peeked out. As we worked, a red bird flew by our window. I felt called the beach, and everyone got changed to go see the sunset.

I texted my dad to see if he wanted to meet us, and he replied my aunt was out and to stop by. We were going to head right to my parents, but instead, I felt we should go to the beach first.

It’s because another sign was waiting for me.

When we pulled into the parking lot, I saw it.

You see, 67 weeks ago, (I know because Instagram kept track), I had a rough day. I went to the beach, and a woman with two parrots was there. It meant something to me, as I had been recently told that I am surrounded by angel wings, and when I see birds, know those are my angels telling me I’m doing ok. I even took a picture of the birds.

I never saw them again…

Until last night.

The day after I spent all night asking for signs that I’m still on His path. I practically ran out of the car before Rob stopped it. The kids came over with me and we talked to the owner of the parrots. I asked for another picture, and she said I could hold one. I declined, as I just had surgery and am nervous around birds. Maddie stayed back as well, but I got a picture with Morgan and quinn.

I felt more peace as we left the beach.

We saw my aunt and uncle, my mom saw my port for the first time, then we treated the kids to ice cream.

I slept a little better last night, and plan to head into my classroom today. Morgan and Quinn will help me carry things in, and I’ll start to make my list of what I still need to do.

I’m doing my best to remember that all the children need the first week of kindergarten is to play, have fun, make friends, learn routines, and feel safe and loved. Everything else can wait.

Today is also a day where more emails will be sent, appointments made, and more healing will happen.

Today may I continue to feel peace and heal, and follow the path He has planned for me.

In Jesus’s name, amen.

Xoxo

Keri

I’ve been updating every day on my private Facebook page but not so much here. To quickly catch up…

My summer son Joe left but we still text, so we are ok. Quinn is sleeping in his bed now, and calls it “Joe’s bed”.

My veins are shot. It took four sticks to get chemo in last week. My vein whisperer Jean said it may be time for a port. We also discovered I taught her granddaughter seven years ago, and we also know several other people.

Six degrees separate us all.

I started my Donnie Yance protocol and man, it’s intense. Some weeks I’m swallowing seventy supplements, others only fifty. I’m drinking teas and apple cider vinegar mixtures and eating olives and sauerkraut and taking detox baths every night and meditating and vagal tone breathing and…

It’s a lot, but I’ve got my friends helping me. IV got it down to a system, and will work it out when school starts.

If you look at me, i look really good. Weekends are hard, but by Sunday afternoon?

I’m rallying.

That’s it, that’s all you’ve missed.

Here’s today’s Facebook update…

“So Keri, what’s it like to get a port and hear an update and get chemo all in one day?”

Exhausting and full of tears, hugs, handholding and blessings.

Getting a port for me was a big deal. There are some complications with me I haven’t shared. I’ll share one now.

Pain medication and anesthesia don’t reeeeeeaallly work on me. So all of the helpful advice of, “You won’t feel a thing”, or “you’ll be asleep in twilight and won’t remember…”

Not so with me.

They took me in right away and my nurse Emily got “T”, their unit’s vein whisperer. Even with me telling them about warm compresses and blood pressure cuffs and tight tourniquettes, and me jumping up and down in my hospital gown and keeping my arms down low and water bombing… it still took two sticks and ended in my hand. I cried in relief when it was over, and T said she almost did too.

Rob held my hand and kissed me goodbye as I rolled away to the procedure room. I had a kind, funny, and compassionate team. I told them how lidocaine doesn’t work well and I need a lot, and they were generous. They had to give me three doses of the anesthesia and I was still wide awake for it all. I ended up with two doctors placing it, and felt the tube being snaked through my chest, along with pressure and pushing and pulling. I cried at one point and asked for someone to hold my hand. The nurse came right over, and I did my vagal tone breathing and made a game of lowering my blood pressure. I kept it around 136/86 the whole time. The time it ended?

11:11.

When it was over, I went to recovery and rob came. They saw I was totally alert and doing well, and I was able to leave at 12.

I hugged my nurse Emily goodbye and we walked to the cafeteria. We got some lunch and I felt a little self conscious as we left the port “accessed”, which meant I had a tube coming out of my chest. Talk about surreal. I ran into Kim, one of my special nurses who walked me through my first biopsy and is my friends sister in law and we hugged.

We finished lunch and walked to the cancer center. I got all of my oils and breads from the car and cooler of peas and luggage bag and cooler of water. I made zucchini blueberry bread with lemon glaze, and a zucchini chocolate chip bread. I wanted to hand it all out as a thank you.

Rob carried it all and didn’t complain.

My special nurse Heather ran out and we hugged. Have I said how much I love nurses? I’ve got the best.

I started handing out all of the essential oil roller bottles to the receptionist and nurses. I gave out lavender, lemon, peppermint and frankincense and everyone got to choose. It felt great.

In the waiting room, an older woman saw I had a port and proceeded to tell me how she could spot a wig a mile away and how horrible her port was and how one time she accidentally ripped out the IV attached and ended up infected with blood everywhere. I say in shock for a second, then said, “That’s really not the story I’m looking to hear today…”

It was like when I was first diagnosed and everyone would say…”Oh, my ____ has breast cancer. She died after two years…”

Not my story.

We each have our own, thank you.

My appointment went well. Hermina gave me lots of hugs and tips on port care. She also told me there are several patients now who go to them and tell them all about how they follow me on my blog, Facebook, Instagram, and how much hope and energy and information I share. It was nice to hear.

Dr Stopeck came in and wore a mask because she has a cold. I said…”Oh! I have an oil for that!” And gave her a few bottles. She was so happy I got a port and said everyone should have an Port as it makes everything easier. I said she sounded like a true oncologist with a bit of Oprah thrown in… “YOU get a port! YOU get a port…” and we laughed and laughed.

She said my lymph nodes were harder to find and definitely smaller. My breast tumors did not feel much smaller, but she agreed they felt more bumpy, or “nodular”. She said it could be the tumor starting to dissolve from the outside in, and that blood flow with chemo won’t get to the inside until the outside dissolved. My tumor markers went from something like fifty five to thirty nine, which is good. My white blood cell count dropped to lower 4 range, but it’s still good.

Based on how well I am tolerating it, chemo is changing. More aggressive , I think. I’ll be getting more carboplatin with the taxol week one, only taxol week two, and two weeks off. Side effect is more nausea and vomiting, but research is showing higher dose of Carbo is more effective. I also lessen risk of a reaction with less frequent doses of Carbo. We discussed how Donnie Yance said the ringing in the ears and temporary hearing issues I get is from the copper on the Carbo and that’s why we have to detox quickly the kidneys, as the kidneys are the gateway to the ears. My doctor seems more comfortable with me adding Donnie and I’m glad. He is looking for excellent oncologists to recommend to his patients and mine is one of the best.

We went upstairs for chemo and had to go in quickly because my port was bleeding. I ended up in a private room with a new nurse, Ronnie, who was so kind. We cleaned up the port and I was amazed when we accessed the tubing. We both wore masks and it was the craziest thing to see a tube with blood coming from my chest.

While I waited for my labs to give me the “all clear” for chemo, I went around and handed out my oil roller bottles. I sat with my friends mom who was in the room next to me and showed her my port. We talked about a lot, I gave her the zucchini blueberry bread with lemon glaze and the zucchini chocolate chip bread, along with one of each oil. Hermina stopped up for more hugs and Rob had already sliced up bread for her and my doctor.

My new labs were good and we started the anti nausea drugs then chemo. Rob did the whole peas and blueberries and socks and ice chips, along with the special tea that Donnie said to sip during chemo.

My vein whisperer Jean came over and told me her granddaughter who I taught was telling her how I used to read Junie B Jones and she loves reading because of me. It felt good to hear.

Chemo ended, I gave the recipe to Jean to share, and we left. It was a nine hour day.

We got home and my dad brought the kids home. My brother rob and sister in law Krista took Morgan and quinn to see movies and some other adventures and my kids loved it. Maddie chaperoned her camp kids at splish splash and was tired. They asked me all about the port, my day, and saw pictures. They all gave me “side hugs” last night and extra kisses.

I told them I’m like Iron Man now..

But call me Iron Mom

I took my Chinese herbs and my evening pills and then went gingerly into a detox bath.

My day was done.

Thank you everyone who texted and sent messages. Even my Tomcat Joe sent me a message at 8 am. We miss him, and I joked how I almost used the hot sauce we bought him.

Today I’ll be in contact with Donnie’s people about the new chemo plan. De Snuffleuffugus emailed me last night his concerns about the toxicity of Carbo and to let him know immediately if neuropathy sets in, and he will change the formula.

I love him. I even wrote to him I love him.

I’m feeling more confident that my team is strong with Dr Stopeck, Dr Snuffleuffugus and Donnie.

I’ve been up in some pain from the port, and will probably hop in the detox bath in a minute, and begin the pill regime. I’m in week two, so only about 53 pills in a day for the next two week.

Easy peasy.

May today bring more cancer breaking away, more healing everywhere, and peace.

In Jesus’s name, amen.

Xoxo

Keri

It’s been a few days, as we went to pick up my kids from Camp Kesem, and I spent the next few days just holding them, and doing my best to show them I am doing well.

We celebrated our summer son’s birthday, by going to see Paula and staff at The Giving Room, playing with alpacas, and having cake at the end of game two of the championship series.

Today is chemo day again.

Cycle two day eight.

Round five.

Im up and about to start drinking water life a fish. I’m packing a sweatshirt to keep arms warm and going to run up and down the stairs when I get there so I can get my blood pumping. I’m praying for one good clean painless stick today when they try to find a good vein. I appreciate any and all good prayers.

Yesterday was bittersweet. We hung out with Joe, played spoons, and then he went off to his last game. I prepped for the next few days and made cucumber onion salads, tuna Mac salads, a zucchini blueberry bread and a zucchini chocolate chip bread.

We headed off to the game and it was amazing. The Tomcats stayed in the lead the whole game. They brought Joe in and he started pitching at 5:55.

He did well, and another closer finished the game. When they won everyone was cheering and clapping.

I looked at their manager, Patti. This woman volunteers half of her summer and so much more time for these young men. She puts her heart and soul into these boys for the love of the game. You want to meet someone with a big huge heart?

Go to a game next year and meet Patti.

She had the host kids bring out the trophy and had baseball caps for all the host kids.

It’s a memory many of these kids won’t ever forget.

They even did the whole ice bucket over Patti, and she was overwhelmed. It was a total fairy tale ending.

We hugged goodbye to Joe’s family, and Joe went home. He will be back to get his things, but it felt more final.

We came home, had dinner, and went to bed.

Quinn climbed into bed and held his camp Kesem caterpillar and cried as he snuggled me. I knew it would be hardest on him. I explained to him how this is actually a good thing, because three months ago we didn’t even know Joe, and now?

Quinn answered…”He is part of our family.”

It’s hard for him because he also has me going to chemo all day. His summer big brother leaves and next day mom is in the hospital all day.

Happy summer, kid.

I’m bringing him and Morgan to my moms, and Maddie has a trip with her camp. He will get extra love and snuggles today.

I got a textbook to start reading from Donnie today, and got about four supplements. I didnt get the chemo cocktail tea, so I’ll do my whole routine of deli, school hugs, badass bunny socks and frozen peas and blueberries.

My new wig is in, so today I get to pick up Bambi.

I’m gaining more weight from the steroids, so going bald and gaining all this weight is challenging, especially because I had gotten to a healthy weight last year, nine years after my last baby. I know I should embrace the whole “Thank God I’m still

Here and who cares about the weight and hair?” But it still stinks. Hearing people say to be grateful for it doesn’t help. “Be thankful you are still here….”

Easy for others when they have no clue what it’s like.

Today’s lesson is to never trivialize when people are sad about something.

Just send love.

A pet dies after fifteen years? Instead of telling someone to be glad they had fifteen years, send them love.

A grandma passes at 98? Instead of telling them to be thankful they had so many years, send them love.

A woman loses her hair and gains weight and feels like she is going to look like Kojak? Instead of telling her to be thankful she is still alive and it will grow back someday, hold her hand and send her love.

Sorry.

Lesson over.

Please pray for me to sail through the chemo and IV placement, for Rob to continue to be strong, Quinn to have an easier day, Maddie to have a good trip, and Morgan to keep that happy spirit.

In Jesus’s name, amen.

Xoxo

Keri