Jesus take the Wheel


That was my sign.

We got up early and went to the deli. The Meetinghouse Deli across from my School hasn’t charged me for our food in my chemo days, but I’ve never been there when rob goes to pay as I usually Run across the street. When they just handed it to me and melissa hugged me, I just cried in her arms as she said she loved me and gave me an extra hug from maggie.

I took all of my week four pills, before breakfast pills, breakfast pills, steroid, Pepcid, and benedryl. My stomach is a walking pharmacy.

We headed right up to the cancer ward and I got weighed. You see, the first four letters of carboplatin is carb, and chemo and the steroids have decided to add almost thirty pounds. When they took my blood pressure it was a little high, but only because I saw that number on the scale and thought about how I have no school clothes I’ll fit into, as I got rid of my maternity clothes last year.

Only took ten years.

The port was accessed, blood drawn, then the tube was capped so I could head to the doctor downstairs. We still hadn’t decided which chemo to do.

I looked at Rob immediately when the doctor said “Five”. I honestly has no clue of I was going to to the higher dose of carboplatin with taxol week one, taxol alone week two, then off week three. Even while her assistant while her assistant was talking to me, I said in my head…”no… maybe… okay… no… Jesus take the wheel.”

When my doctor came in, she asked my decision and I still didn’t have one, so more questions. Then it happened.

I kept hearing the man from Oregon in my head saying,”The tumor isn’t smaller, Keri. It may have mutated and isn’t working and in fact may make it worse. Your treating it blind. Get the Caris biopsy.” So I took a deep breath and and said that to my doctor. She surprised me by saying that yes, we are in a way treating it blind, but the insurance company will only pay for one biopsy now and she wants to wait until after treatment finishes as that is when it can mutate as well. Again I said in my head, “Jesus help me”. Then the doctor said, “But Keri, only about five percent of treatment courses will change after a biopsy.”

I felt it in my gut and cried and looked and rob and said,

“That’s my sign. She said five.”

My doctor looked at us like we were crazy, but then again, she gave me the same look when I said I was zip lining this week, and I explained I asked for a sign and she gave it to me. I wanted a word, like when Donnie Yance said ,”Sherlock”, or a number. The number 5 carries a lot for me.

She nodded her head and said that was interesting… and the carboplatin medical name ends with a five, and the test result we are waiting on to see decreased cancer activity ends with a five, so that was three fives.

I could not believe that she said three fives, as you all know three is also my number.

So, Jesus took the wheel in the room.

I said ok, we will do it, even though the CA125 test we are waiting on wasn’t back and wouldn’t be for a few hours. If it didn’t drop, I was in trouble. My doctor again said that she feels that the fact the lymph nodes keep getting smaller and are harder to find is a good indicator it’s working, and my breast have fibrocystic bumps and part of the tumor could be those guys, and she just had a similar patient who when she went for the PET scan, what they thought was tumor was actually those cysts.

We left and went upstairs and began the long chair time. I visited my friend who told me she is struggling with her chemo, but it is working and has five sessions. Another five. I talked again about the port and said how much easier it was.

My vein whisperer gave me a card from her granddaughter who I taught years ago, and she wrote if I could get through her, I could get through cancer.

The other patient who talked to Mae about the port and hands out candy came and hugged me and said she was proud of me. She is the cheerleader in the arena.

We out on the socks with the frozen blueberries and peas and made it through the taxol. We got the call and were shown the CEA125 dropped again like we had prayed and had faith it would. Then the carboplatin began it took twice as long to push.

When it was over, we asked to video tape the removal of the port so I could show my friend how much easier it is. We did, and she saw it.

I shared it yesterday on Facebook I’m a teacher, and I have other people asking me about it.

I’ll share it here too, as I know ive got others here debating about a port.

We went to the wig place and I picked up color weaves for kindergarten color days, then came home and slept on the couch with rob. We woke up to his parents making dinner, which was a huge blessing.

Our summer son Joe came out with his mom. She got to see where he spent his summer, and Quinn got a birthday present that his manager Patti got for him. It made his whole birthday to have Joe back and get the gift.

I also invited Paula because I wanted her energy with me on this day I started the higher dose, and I wanted Joe’s mom to meet this other woman who loves him as much as me. Joe had two extra moms this summer, and it felt great to have him home with us. He is coming back out in October for another visit, and may bring his sister. We already can’t wait.

Im detoxing hard, took a bath last night, in one now, water bombing like crazy, and going to try to get in a mile. I read in the book, “Girl, Wash your Face”, that eventually if a friend breaks promises

You stop trusting your friend. Be your own best friend and keep your promises to yourself. I promised to walk four miles a week, so I’m doing another mile today.

They said the carboplatin will have a delayed hit, and day five may be hard.

Not if I detox like crazy these five days.

Please pray I tolerate the new plan better than anyone has ever tolerated it, my numbers continue to go down, and the pesky tumors decide it’s time to break away and leave.

In Jesus’s name, amen.



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s