My Squad is Bigger than Dorothy’s

Last night?

We celebrated.

I taught all day, then drove Quinn to tennis. While he was playing, he lost a tooth. I still make a big deal out of it, and he was excited.

We went to Art in Action afterwards, and man, do our art teachers bust their butts for this event. They make sure every child has a piece showcased, either an individual project or a group project. Then they have one day to display it all for the community. The growth in talent as you move through the hallways from primary to high school always amazes me. It’s like with the concerts, four years earlier kids squeaked out “Old MadDonald

Had a Farm”, and suddenly they are moving my soul as they play in high

School with the beauty.

The arts make the world better, and in turn, makes us better.

I got home at 7:15 and we decided to go out to eat pizza. Then we treated the kids to ice cream, and brought some to my parents as well.

We celebrated maddie taking her two AP exams. We celebrated Morgan’s concert. We celebrated Quinn passing his board of review in Boy Scouts and becoming an official tenderfoot, as well as art in action and his tooth.

We celebrated robs work on the North Fork Community Theatre, and laughed and laughed as we told my parents about the show, “The Drowsy Chaperone”. My kids repeated lines that had us all laughing. We want to go see it again, it was that good!

On the inside, I celebrated the emotional and spiritual work I did this week. I took a leap of faith and went to the therapist/shaman. There was a part of the “ceremony” where she took out a ceremonial knife and approached me. When I told that part of the story to my friends, they all were in shock that I didnt run out of the room.

But I wasn’t afraid.

I’ve been facing death every day since the diagnosis, and decided I would do whatever it takes to heal, even if it included a knife being dragged over certain parts of the body to cut cords of attachment to things that don’t serve me.

I’m reading a book by Joe Dispenza, “You are the Placebo”, all on the power of the mind. You can’t just THINK yourself better.

You have to FEEL yourself better.

Thinking and believing is definitely the first step. If you don’t believe you can get better and heal, then you won’t. But if you do, you start the process.

I said to maddie and her friends if they didn’t believe they would get a 5 on these tests, they wouldn’t. We worked and worked on mindset, and both times she got into the car after the tests she told me that she thinks she actually got a five.

Belief.

But then the hard work comes in.

You have to act as if it has already happened.

That’s where I’ve been struggling, especially when I’ve felt pain in certain parts of the body. Lately it’s been my shoulder, breast and legs, as well as my lungs have felt tighter.

However, I’ve shifted since Wednesday.

The worry that was constant has lifted.

I drove around last night and felt like “Keri” again.

I walked around the high school and realized I had been out of the house at that point for eleven hours and still felt good.

Think about that.

I taught kindergarten all day, drove to tennis lessons, went to the art show, after having been out the previous two nights, and having spent the day in the city and traveling on Wednesday, all while on my fifth line of constant chemo treatment in two and a half years.

And I keep saying I’ve had cancer for two and a half years, but really, it was there before diagnosis. I had a mammogram at forty, and “nothing” was there, but obviously was there and too early to tell. At forty three it was stage four. So it’s been growing and there probably for six years, I’ve only known about it for two and a half.

That already makes me an outlier.

The odds are now in my favor.

I keep thinking how I’ve now added a shaman to my team.

It’s pretty amazing if you think about it.

It’s like a movie.

“A typical mom is diagnosed with cancer, and along the healing path she meets a mysterious Chinese potion maker, a former monk turned master of all knowledge about herbs and food, a French energetic healer who swooshes energy, a rockstar oncologist who believes in hope, a juice bar/yoga studio owner turned sister, a peaceful scorpion master of touch and massage, a reiki and yoga certification, a chaga mushroom purveyor, a shaman, and Jesus.”

I always loved Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz, but my squad is bigger.

Today I’m taking my kids to a yoga class. I know I can teach them myself, but I dont want to teach. I want to experience and practice.

I’ll clean out my Jeep finally, and work on all of the things i didn’t do on Mother’s Day, which is really a day where everything just gets puts off.

My summer son Joe had an amazing game yesterday and we are getting closer to having him come home to us. We are all getting excited.

He is such a good boy, and we love his family.

Today I’ll keep working on raising my vibration and feel the healing, instead of worrying about the other possibilities.

May all of our energy rise, rise to the point of where the magic happens.

In Jesus’s name, amen.

Xoxo

Keri

The Shaman and The Universe that has my Back

Yesterday was another experience that pretty much blew me away.

There are people who have been given gifts, and then study and cultivate those gifts.

Some people use these gifts to help people, and some use them for their own good or benefit, so you have to be discerning and know the difference.

I wasn’t sure if I was going to share yesterday’s experience because I really don’t feel like getting the messages and energy sent to me about how I’m going down a slippery slope, or the judgemental thoughts.

But I’ve been honest, and through the honesty I’ve been able to help other people.

I’ve decided I’m going to share the lessons I learned yesterday, and the things that blew my mind I might share eventually. If I can help one more person, I will, even if a thousand others think I’m crazy.

Here goes.

I went to a shaman yesterday.

People hear the word shaman and think of an old, weathered Native American medicine man… which can be the case.

However, thats not at all who I went to.

I went to see Elizabeth Clements.

She is not only a shaman, but also a mediator, lawyer, and therapist. Being diagnosed with cancer is as much of a mental and emotional diagnosis as it is a physical one. Many people go to see therapists to try and deal with the heavy emotions that come with the diagnosis of this physical disease.

But some people, like me, think the diagnosis came because of many reasons, not just physical, and in order to heal, we have to find out everything that has helped it to grow.

It’s not enough to kill the cancer, but we have to change the environment that was such a good host to it.

So why a shaman?

Shaman are practitioners of traditional medicine methods that have been passed down by indigenous peoples for millennia. Shaman believe that all “problems” –whether physical or emotional–have a source in energy. The job of the shaman is to locate that energy lying at a problem’s source in any individual and shift it, causing the symptoms of the problem to shift as well.

Shaman watch and listen to an individual at ever-deepening layers until they identify the energy that needs attention; the shaman then works to remove heavy energy, add light, and shift the balance of a person’s system. This process can bring about healing at a foundational level.

People sometimes know what their problem is, or think they know.

But often the reasons for felt pain are unknown to the sufferers. Many who seek out a shaman shoulder a simple but overwhelming sense of just being “stuck,” with something unseen blocking movement forward. It is up to the shaman to find this energy source, setting into motion the shift necessary to alter problematic symptoms.

So what happened with me?

Paula drove me into the city and we ended up at Elizabeth’s office. I had three people give me testimonials about her and her gifts as we drove in to meet her.

Three.

We ended up in a building that looks like it houses the TriBeCa film festival, and it threw me off, as I expected something mystical, magical and mysterious. Elizabeth came out to meet me and looks just like any other woman you meet on the street. Paula then left, and in I went.

We started with me telling my life story growing up, and when I finished she said that now that I’ve told her what I thought my problems were, it was time to find out what they really are.

She said that everyone has trauma, and even generational trauma gets passed down. Suddenly, there I was crying and telling her about my dads mom, and how her mom died in childbirth or soon after, and she was raised by her grandmother. Then she got cancer and died when my dad was nine or ten, and my dad was then raised mostly by his grandmother. How I look at quinn and see my dad at that age, mourning his mother, and now my son has similar feelings of fear that my dad had at the same age.

We talked about my moms grandparents and how there was divorce at a time when it was taboo.

Then she asked about what scared me when I was growing up, and she said it could be big things or even little things, even a scooby doo episode. It doesn’t matter what the trigger was, it matters what the damage was.

Suddenly memories of being put in the dark closet by my kindergarten teacher whenever I couldnt do something came bubbling up. So did another time when I was dragged underwater at the ocean when I was little and felt like I was dying (which is why I’ve never liked going into water where I cant touch the bottom).

We discussed relationships that have been fractured, and hurt feelings.

She told me that that people who we sometimes perceive as the issue, are not the issue, but instead push the issue button over and over.

She said we had to find out what my button was and what made it.

Ready?

Codependency.

Codependency is a behavioral condition in a relationship. Among the core characteristics of codependency is an excessive reliance on other people for approval and a sense of identity.

That’s me to a T.

Growing up as one of four kids, I always was striving for attention. Some kids act out and get attention any way they can, even through negative means. Me? I tried to be the best I could be all the time. I wanted my

Parents to be proud of me, my teachers, my friends. “Look at me! Love me! I’m a good person because of the things I do!”

When people don’t like me (“gasp! Pain! Whyyyyyy?” ), I keep trying. I try over and over to do the right thing, and end up getting hurt even deeper.

I dont know when to throw in the towel in relationships or situations. “Maybe if I try one more time…”. Add in how we are told over and over in church to forgive, but add in codependency and forgiveness becomes something else.

It’s not forgiving and moving on, but then trying again and again in the same stuck story.

I also get my light from others.

I may be able to say the right things as a Christian that “You are loved no matter what, it’s not what you do, but that you are already enough and

Perfect in the eyes of God”, but deep down? We keep being told in church we aren’t perfect and are sinners.

Talk about mixed messages for someone who has self love and love from other people issues.

The biggest thing Elizabeth told me was to make better decisions. As a people pleaser, I dont make decisions that make me feel good. I make decisions that I think will help others feel good, even if it makes me feel bad.

When we are asked to do something, think about it.

If we don’t do it, we feel guilty.

If we do it, we feel resentment. Resentment brings anger, and anger is a powerful emotion, and brings self hurt and damage to our cellular level. Then anger builds walls. Walls are different than boundaries. Walls are things that keep you private and alone. Boundaries are invisible lines, where you can still see others, but from at a safe distance, and you can still say across the invisible line, “I still send you love, but I’m going to send from here and stay over here.”

So what should we do?

Choose guilt.

Say no.

Then the feeling we have isn’t anger directed at a situation that we didn’t want to be in, or people we don’t want to be around, which then affects us physically. Instead, the feeling we have is guilt at ourselves, for whatever perceived feelings we think others have towards us because we said no.

And many times, the story we tell ourselves about we think others are feeling isn’t true, and if it is, then shouldn’t we not be near the situation or people anyway?

As we talked, Elizabeth watched me energetically. She said I have a lot of dark shadow, pain, and she was going to help drain it. She saw parts of my body, my “Light being,” and parts that changed as i spoke about issues. She also said I had very strong cords to other people, and that they had to be cut. The only cords she allowed to stay were those of my children, but she said she would lessen them.

For their sakes.

Because my children are too connected to me through the illness now, and are becoming codependents in that they are doing things to make me happy or make me feel better, instead of for themselves. They have to be the best so mom is proud, not “I’m going to do this because it makes me happy “.

All true.

Sounds exactly like me when I was little. (And in no way am I blaming my parents. Let me make that clear. This was all MY story I told myself over and over. They always have and continue to love me. I wouldn’t trade them for anything in the world.)

Then it was time for the shaman portion. I’m not going to tell you all the details, for a few reasons.

And I dont have to tell you why.

(See? That’s progress for someone who had codependency.)

I will tell you that as she worked, I felt energy shifting. She cut cords and since she did, I’ve felt lighter. She reset my chakras, and said I was now balanced, and leading from the heart.

She removed the shadows, they will continue to drain for the next few days, and I may feel more tired or sick. (I’m detoxing in a bath now to speed up the process, and will be drinking a lot of water.).

She said that when I had to choose a stone from a collection that she had, I chose the one of death. I thought it looked nice with the imprint of what looked like a butterfly wing. She knew that because of the stone, dying of cancer is the story I am most afraid of. She said she couldn’t change the fact that I will die one day, as everyone dies. But she could remove the story of dying from cancer from me. She said she changed my DNA, my story. She downloaded a new one.

Well, “she” didn’t. She said she wasn’t the healer, but spirit was. And something happened while she softly whistled and blew air and used water and rattles and stones, and I know it wasn’t her working on me.

Trust me in that one.

I also saw a brown Bear when my eyes were closed. When I looked it up, bears signify healing, along with a whole bunch of other things.

She told me that when dark thoughts or feelings come, close the door. The situations or people that bring those emotions or push the buttons, they drag out my energy, and attention, and life force.

Close the door.

Then look to the window and see where the light is coming from.

She said I have a strong light body despite the strong shadows. That’s exactly what Odyle “Madame swoosh” said to me three weeks ago.

Keep working on the light.

Know that the universe has my back.

Which is exactly what Juli from Kneed and Seed said. She said I may ask for things, and don’t get them. That’s ok. The universe is giving me what I need.

Just trust that.

She also said my soul wasn’t in my body. That it was afraid of my body, so she made a safe place for it to come back home.

Exactly what Juli from kneed and Seed said as well.

I asked if I needed to come back again, and she said it would take awhile to recalibrate from what just happened. She said I’ll know if I need to come back. I can call her if anything pops up.

I left in a daze.

She had gotten to the root of so many issues in two hours, and it felt like twenty minutes. We ended the energy part at 11:11.

Of course.

She also told me some books I can read to help with no longer being a people pleaser and doing what others feel is the “right thing”, instead of doing the necessary thing for myself.

Then paula and I got back in the car and came home.

I got an email from Donnie’s assistant that he said that the tumor marker rising obviously isn’t good. That we need to wait for the MRIPET scan.

But..

I just had a great healing session.

So let’s wait for the scan.

I made it back in time for Morgan’s

Concert. It was great, and she got an award. Madison stayed home from school yesterday, and has her AP exam today. She has a few obligations this weekend, but I’m cancelling some of mine to spend time with her and maybe help her decompress a bit.

There is so much pressure on these kids, and we are creating a whole generation of codependent people.

Look at all of the social media they use.

“Look at me! Like me!”

Quinn passed his Boy Scout board of review last night and was excited.

It was quite a day.

There are people reading this who may feel obligated to tell me I made God angry by going to a shaman.

Save it.

I’m alright with God.

Elizabeth is a gifted intuitive, and got right to the heart of the matter and healing in two hours. She is also a therapist. That’s why this experience was so healing.

She did something in two hours what would take others ten or twenty sessions.

Therapy is important and we need to remove the stigma.

I’m thankful I found someone who helped me so profoundly and so quickly.

Which is why I decided to share such personal and deep things.

I know there are people who can learn from these lessons.

If these lessons helped you, then they were meant for you to read today.

The universe has your back.

It has mine.

So does Jesus.

May we all feel that we are enough,

That we are loved, and that although you may not have what you want right now, you have exactly what you need at this moment.

In Jesus’s name, amen.

Not Today

I’m sick and tired of people badmouthing Facebook.

Let me tell you about Facebook for a minute.

Because of Facebook….

I’ve been able to research new drugs, find ways to combat side effects, and not feel so alone at three am in the morning when I’m up crying and praying that the five year statistic won’t apply to me.

Because of Facebook…

I’ve been able to share my story, and have had people sent to me. They then go to my healers, and i get messages like I did yesterday, from a woman I’ve never met who went to see Madame swoosh yesterday, and thanked me so much for the peace it brought her. Peace to someone with stage four breast cancer is fleeting… and helps me get back to sleep at three am.

Because of Facebook….

My nurses and staff at the hospital can keep up with ME, Keri, and know me as a person, not just a patient. They know who I am as a mother, teacher, wife and friend, and message me when I’m up at three am.

Because of Facebook…

I get support from people I knew from high school, college, former families of students, friends, and strangers. Support that gets me through the night now as I know a scan is coming in a month.

Because of Facebook…

Memories pop up from when I was first diagnosed and I can see how far I’ve come. Memories also pop up from before I was diagnosed and I can remember what life was like before cancer, and before the Scanxiety entered my life… especially at three am.

Yes.

I went to bed crying with rob trying to calm me down last night.

Yes.

I was up at three am trying to breathe through Scanxiety of trying to find a vein for the radiation, being stuck in a tube with banging and clanging for an hour while praying to God and Jesus and all sorts of prayers that for once can it be a good scan and oh my god please take it away forever.

Facebook is a reflection of you.

If you have issues with Facebook, you’re not using it correctly.

(And those who bash Facebook who have never even had it and refuse to sign up? They probably already know what theirs would look like.)

I am up and getting ready for school. I got an email from Hermina that tried to make me feel better about the rising tumor markers, and an email from Erin saying she is meeting with Donnie today. Tumor markers for me haven’t been reliable, but seeing them rise to the highest they’ve ever been doesn’t help a girl get back to sleep at three am.

I rewatched the Game of Thrones episode last night. I feel like Arya. She has faced death over and over and over. But every time death comes, she has the same answer.

“Not today”.

That’s what I say to the God of death when he comes at three am.

“Not today”.

And I’ll keep saying it for the next month as I wait for the scan, and get the results, and continue treatments and pills and potions.

I’ll keep saying it for the next forty years.

What do I say to the god of death?

Not today.

In Jesus’s name, amen.

What a week…

I went to the hospital Thursday. It started out rough.

Rob found out his aunt passed away, and I spent ten minutes in the car with Quinn who was crying and saying he felt “weird”.

Hospital days are hard on him, and he gets anxious and can’t explain it.

But when he brings his stuffed animal into the car and hugs it all the way to school, I know.

We practice breathing, I hold his hand, we talk about the good things, and I remind him I’m doing ok, and even though it may be scary to think of mommy going in and getting shots, I’m doing ok, and we have a Chinese man and a man in Oregon and a French woman and a brilliant doctor and compassionate nurses and Jesus all helping us out.

Then I managed to get him into school, and I went to his teacher and cried and got hugs.

I texted my parents and rob, cleaned up my face, and got ready to start my day.

That was all by 8:00 am.

I taught all morning, wrote the script for a show with another teacher that our kinders are doing, ran to my parents to drop off Quinn’s stuffed animal so he had it when he was picked up, then went home.

My friend Paula came and dropped off some juices and we had lunch together. We looked at some of my new books and it kept my mind busy as I waited for rob.

Some were recommended by my friend Juli at “Knead and Seed”, and one was recommended by a teacher who prayed over me last week with another teacher and principal. That was amazing, and I’ve never been prayed over before like that.

Then it was time to go to the hospital.

Everything went well.

My port worked, I got the injection in the belly for the bones and the two in the lower back/buttocks for hormone suppression,(“Fassy is the Assy”).

My doctor sent in her fellow to meet me. She said Dr Stopeck and Hermina love me, and said she should meet me because I’m an interesting case.

She asked me about my research, knew about my Annie Apppleseed conference and wrote it down, took pictures of my “Vital Strategies in Cancer” book that I’m reading to share, and Donnie’s and Snuffleuffugus names. I told her about Jane Maclellands book “How to Starve cancer”, the “Radical Remission” book, and “Hope Never Dies” by Rick Shapiro. I told her all about Donnie Yance and the Mederi Center, and how Donnie and Dr Snuffleuffugus are helping my body stay strong. She also looked up my blog. She asked if she could examine me and I told her I always let people feel my breast if they want so they know what a tumor feels like, even a dead one. Maybe I’m also teaching future oncologists as well. Every medical school should have patient interaction practicals where they can sit and talk with patients about how we are supporting ourselves through treatment.

Dr Stopeck came in and said I look great. We laughed and joked about juices, and spoke about a big conference she is heading to soon.

We are also scheduling a MRI/PET scan for June 10. The tumor markers are rising, which is always hard to see.

However, I’ve been banging a gong and shouting for years against standardized testing that our students are more than a score.

I am more than a cancer marker number.

My right leg went a little dead, as the liquid as it is injected or needle could have touched a nerve, so I was dragging a leg a bit at Morgan’s junior honor society induction.

But I was AT the induction…

Because I ‘m counting UP.

Onward and upward, friends.

My next appointment for injections is June 6, field day. I’ll scream all morning for my kinders then head out for the last appointments of the day.

This past week was difficult where I work as well. We’ve had a lot of heartache and anger and disgust. My district was in the news for something we never ever EVER imagined would be in the realm of possibility.

In times of like these, people either pile on and make the fire burn bigger and hotter and spread…

Or people walk into the fire and say, “I’m here. I am with you. Here, have some water. We’re going to make it through.”

Those people are especially important when children and young adults are involved and are discussing what has happened.

Morgan was inducted into the National Junior Honor Society. It was a beautiful night and I saw so many former students.

I saw a lot of my district administration at Morgan’s ceremony. I went up and talked to them all after the celebration.

Listen, let me be very clear.

Everyone may not agree at all times.

But they love this town and the kids in it.

It’s been a week for them too, and now they have had a lot more work thrust upon them and a situation they never dreamed would ever be in the scope of reality, while also dealing with their own feelings of shock and anger and disgust.

Social media can be brutal, and everyone is taking a beating, and I am sending prayers of love, guidance, wisdom and strength to everyone.

I wouldn’t want to be them right now.

It’s been a week.

A total roller coaster of a week.

But it’s now in the past, and today is a new day.

I’m staying where my feet are.

Madison took her first AP exam in Physics, and she studied right up until ten pm Thursday night. “Four or more” is the rallying cry I made up for her and her friends. I had a bunch of them come and study last weekend at my house. They needed a quiet place to focus after all of the news they had heard. Maddie feels confident she may have gotten a four or five.

I’ve got a busy day, and lots of prayers in my heart.

Especially for Madisons ROTC unit that will be holding their heads up high at a competition, and showing other schools what our district REALLY is all about.

Prayers for a former student and his mother, who have been in my heart since he was in my class many years ago.

Prayers for my friend Alycia’s children and mother who will have their first Mother’s Day without her.

And prayers for everyone reading this. May you all know the love of Jesus and have it fill your heart.

In Jesus’s name, amen.

Xoxo

Keri

Are we Not Like the Birds?

I found this post from last year on my Facebook memories. It’s a good one…

“Shin Teriyama’s Chorus at Dawn”

I did not sleep much last night. Pain from the injections, disbelief that I’m a stage four cancer patient in a trial, wondering how this became my life, hot sweats, then Quinn climbing into bed around 11:30.

He had been doing well, but then the hospital happened yesterday.

Two steps forward, one step back.

He draped his arm over me most of the night, as if subconsciously holding me. Even when he rolled around, he ended up breathing in my face, arm over my chest. I was up anyway, so I practiced breathing my love over him.

Dawn came, although the night was long. And with it?

The birds.

Roosters, assorted birds, and the woodpecker. I remember my friend jen telling me that whenever I heard a woodpecker, that was from my Uncle Larry. I videotaped it so my mom and dad, (who stalk me on Facebook), could hear it.

Uncle Larry was singing away today.

There was a story I read when I was first diagnosed about a man from China, Shin Terayama. He was a successful businessman, and then?

Diagnosed with stage four kidney cancer with metastasis to organs. They sent him home to die.

Instead?

He looked at the cancer as if it was his child. He sent it unconditional love. Whenever he was in pain, he thought of it at his child telling him of a pain, and so he did what any parent would do. He touched where the pain was and would say, “I love you, it’s okay. I love you.” He also noticed the birds singing. He did research and came up with the theory that birds sing in the morning because that’s when photosynthesis happens, and oxygen is at its purest. So he got up every morning and breathed deep, sending love to the cancer child, and listened to the chorus at dawn. He also played the cello and felt music healed him.

Some others say birds sing in the morning as a mating call and as a way to let others know they are still here, and their territory still has them in charge. “Yes, I made it through the night. Yes, I am strong. Yes, I want love.”

Are we not like the birds?

Cornelia Van Dalem wrote in an article that ….”In the book A Pilgrimage with the Animals, Dr Lascelles introduces us to the subtle nature of animals, and points to our failure to understand them as spiritual beings having a role and function in the labyrinth of life. “I want you to think of what you call the dawn chorus of the birds, that strange moment of nature just before the morning light seeps through. Suddenly, as you may have noticed if you have been lying awake, every bird in the neighbourhood breaks into song as though obeying some signal. For a time, while it is dark, the air is filled with orchestrated sound – the triumphant, challenging and positive sound of birds in song.”

“Now, why is this so? What prompts the birds into such a performance unequalled at any other time during the day?….This massed heralding in of the day awakens the earth in a magical way. Yes, actually awakens the earth as though God had arranged it, as indeed He has.”

“Animals are blessed with an instantaneous and un-thought-out wisdom. They are in direct contact with God and they act and live as though they are fully aware of it. Men are also in contact with God, but most of them act as though they have never heard of God because they are largely veiled off from their divine centre by their own thinking minds of which they are so proud.”

Amazing.

The plants in the ground also react to the birdsong, and know it is time to grow. Think of where there are no birds at all. Is there much life? Deserts? Think of the rainforest… how lush and vibrant. It’s the birds singing to the plants to grow. God’s own alarm clock for all of life.

Don’t we all come to life as well when the bird sings?

The first song I ever played for my kids was the Iz version of “Somewhere

over the Rainbow”. Right after they were born, I had Rob press play in the delivery room.

Want to know the second?

“Blackbird”, sung by Sarah Maclachlan.

“Blackbird singing in the dead of night

Take these broken wings and learn to fly

All your life

You were only waiting for this moment to arise”

As for Shin, he was diagnosed in 1988, and one year after being sent home to die…

He was cancer free.

And has been for thirty years. He dedicated his life to helping others.

I love happy endings.

So tomorrow, set your alarm, then go outside and listen to the birds. You won’t hear them sing during the day,

But at dawn…

You’ll hear a symphony waking the world to a new day.

In Jesus’s name, amen.

Xoxo

Keri

The Courage to Pray

This past week was rough.

The energy was horrible, lots of strife, shocking news, and unsettling feelings.

It wasn’t only me feeling this energy vibration.

A lot of people said it was a hard week.

A big part of the issue is the weather. It has been raining or cloudy and cold for what seems like weeks, and that affects us emotionally and mentally, as well as physically. I bet everyone is vitamin D deficient at this moment.

So when I received an email Thursday from a colleague that she felt called to contact me and pray over me, I immediately said yes.

It takes courage to reach out to someone and say, “I feel called by God to pray over you”, and have a message of love and compassion come through. Sometimes people want to pray over you because they don’t agree with your life decisions or choices and want to change you.

But this message was for healing.

It also takes courage to accept the prayer.

All you need is faith the size of a mustard seed in order to believe that your story is already written, and He knows the plans He has for you and they are good.

So I got up early went to her school, and we were joined by the principal and another teacher for prayer.

Let me tell you…

I’ve NEVER been prayed over like I was yesterday. We were in a circle, holding hands, and the second they started simultaneously praying over me, I began to cry and couldn’t stop.

Literally couldn’t stop.

Like weeping, sobbing mess , cry in a flash and can’t stop.

Then?

They all laid hands on my spine and prayed some more, and when I opened my eyes? There, right in front of me, was a picture of Jesus.

One that I love.

I kid you not.

The energy totally shifted as they prayed over me and I absolutely felt His presence among us.

It was healing, beautiful, amazing, and I was also awed at strength of the prayers that these three colleagues said over me.

I hugged them all when they finished, cleaned my face up, and left to head to my own building in a bit of a daze.

I was in a thin place at that moment, where the veil between God and us was lifted.

I called Rob and cried all the way to my school as I told him what just happened.

I got to school, and something happened that would have alarmed me had it happened any other time, but because it happened right after I was

Prayed over, I feel it was a sign of healing. (I’m sparing you physical details, but I told some friends and I am ok.)

I felt full of love the rest of the day.

A switch.

If I hadnt actually experienced it, I wouldn’t believe it, even with all of my faith.

I also ordered a book by Stephen Furtick that one of the people who prayed over me told be to read. It’s about the chatterbox in our heads.We all tell ourselves the bad story, or worst case scenario. Don’t listen to that chatterbox, and instead tell yourselves the best possible story for your life that you can, and then know that your story can be even greater because God can do anything.

Quinn was supposed to camp out last night but it was postponed due to all of the rain. He is already up and out of the door with rob to begin the camp out today.

I’m in a detox bath cleansing out the rest of the leftover negative energy and toxins to begin this week anew.

I also had a great conversation last night with a man who I feel wants to do great things for the kids of our district. We spoke the same language, and I felt amazing energy over the phone.

There are two types of people.

People who see all the negatives and talk about that, and people who see the potential and positives and speak about those.

The latter are my kind of people.

That’s a post for another day.

I cant wait to tell you.

Today I’ll catch up on cleaning, and prepare for tomorrow. The kids in the high school had quite a week with a lot of questions and emotions, and some have a big AP Physics test this week. They want to reset and get to a quiet place to study and focus to prepare for their exam, so my basement will be a study hall all day tomorrow for the kids who really want to buckle down and focus.

I’ll be upstairs praying over all of them.

Madison was talking to me about her generation, and how many of them can be cruel and cutting and not at all empathetic. She said that teens always rebel, and that if you look at the news, the “political correctness” has been a huge focus. Which means kids will always rebel and do what they are told not to do.

Which has true for generations.

We are a reactionary society and tell kids what not to do and how to be, when instead we should be having conversations, building relationships, allowing all opinions to be heard so we can learn and grow and listen to each other, and adults should model it for them.

“Do as I say, not as I do” doesn’t cut it.

“Let the children come to me” does. Let the children come to us and talk WITH them, not TO them. Hug them, and make sure they are ok and feel loved.(Not entitled, but loved.)

And maybe someday, when they see someone who needs it, they will have the courage to say,”I’ve been called to pray with you, come pray!”, and they’ll hold hands and give blessings over other people’s hearts.

In Jesus’s name, amen.

Xoxo

Keri

It’s Written in the Stars

Space.

The universe.

The planets, moon and stars.

When you think about the big picture, it’s pretty amazing.

Yesterday, I grew an immense understanding, appreciation and respect for the universe.

Ask any teacher, nurse, or police officer if they can tell there is a full moon without even looking outside, and they can immediately. People act crazy during full moons.

Think about the tide of the ocean. The moon makes the tide go in and out, higher or lower.

Those that know about the word “retrograde” have an understanding of why things seem to go wrong during certain times of the year.

Then, there are people who have studied planets, stars, houses, and can get your birthdate, time of birth, location of your birth, and then make a chart with the information and blow your mind.

Right about now, there are probably people reading this who are like, “Keri is pissing off God and straying into sketchy territory.”

Totally false.

God created everything, even the planets. He knows every star in the sky, and even the wise men saw and followed a star to lead them to Jesus. I’m not worshiping astrology or making planets idols, but understanding even more how God not only wrote the Bible, but also tells stories in the flowers , in the moon and stars in the sky.

Yesterday I went back to Juli, from Knead and Seed in Sag Harbor. If you want to know about planets and houses and how they can affect your life, she is the one to go to.

She spent two and a half hours with me explaining how the planets influenced certain areas of my life, and was spot on. That of course I’m a teacher, because one planet was in a certain position and that represents a love for children. That rob is a perfect fit for me because of his sign. She discussed again how Scorpio’s are the most powerful sign, as we have three representations…snake, which is a ground dweller and sheds its skin as it transforms and grows over and over, the Eagle that flies above and sees the truth easily, and the Phoenix which rises from the ashes over and over.

We focused on the medical astrology portion and she said the chart showed that when I was diagnosed, it was fast and intense, and that there was an emotional kick off point to it which made me a wounded healer. It was all exactly correct. She said that it showed I have strong willpower, but I need to tap into it again right now, and have a tendency for addiction to either drugs, alcohol, or food.

Again, spot on.

I’m not a drug user, but did like to drink my wine. However, the moment I was diagnosed, I gave up all alcohol cold turkey.

The food however?

That’s a daily struggle.

I’m a sugar addict. When I was first diagnosed, I had the willpower to cut out all sugar, carbs, meat. I barely ate, juices like crazy, and salads and soups were my mainstay.

But here’s the thing with food addiction. It’s unlike drug addiction or alcohol, in that when an addict is like,” I just want one little line of coke”, or “God, I just want one sip of wine…” everyone around him or her would be like…”NO! You’ve worked so hard, don’t blow it.”

But a food addict who loves sugar?

“God, I just want one piece of cake.”

“Go ahead, live a little, life is for living, it’s not going to kill you.”

See?

Plus, food is EVERYWHERE.

I know I have I go back to hardcore nutrition , and it’s hard. Yesterday was validating for me that I just have to do it. It’s not enough to take eighty something pills a day and say that it is enough. I also need to put into my body healthy food which is medicine.

Juli also mentioned that my lungs are weak. For all of the meditation I write about, I find myself at many times during the day shallow breathing. She said I HAVE to exercise. I HAVE to improve my lungs RIGHT NOW. Which is another whisper I’ve been getting, and recently started walking a mile every day before school.

I explained how exhausted I am by the end of the day, and she said perhaps it’s time to leave teaching and focus one hundred percent on my health.

That produced an anger feeling inside my body and a “Hell no!” Reaction.

We had talked about that.

How I need to listen to my body and learn the signs of how it communicates to me. From now on, there is no doing anything unless it tells me “Hell yes!”

So quitting my job or taking a leave of absence is off the table, since I get much more joy out of it and I feel it keeps me healthy.

So we discussed ways to preserve my energy and I’ll be working on that.

She also said I need to learn to rest. That I am in “Fight AND flight” mode all… of…the…time.

She asked what I do to relax and realized I dont.

She asked if I read for pleasure, and I realized im currently reading eight books, all of which are related to healing and cancer.

Social media? Others use it as an escape, I use it for cancer.

I used to be the harlequin romance, fifty shades, Harry Potter, twilight girl. Juli said it’s time to find ways to relax.

Read a book that has nothing to do with healing, or better yet, get a book on tape and go for a walk outside.

That’s another thing.

I have nothing in my earth space, so she said I need to get outside more. Grounding, forest bathing, exercise outside.

The planet Jupiter has my back, even though it can also make things bigger. She said as a whole, the chart showed strength, which is what Odyle mentioned. How strong I am inside, even with all of the cancer. Juli also said that looking at me, you couldn’t tell anything was going on inside the body.

She also released me from being “Cancer Keri”. She said to remove that name from my life, that feeling that I have to save the world from cancer. That right now is the critical time to save ME. She said there will be some planetary things going on in January 2020, so now is the time to prepare my body to make it strong. She also said a year and a half from now will be a big transition or change.

Now is the time.

Willpower, diet and exercise. She said tai chi or yoga would be beneficial. Maybe even kundalini.

I taped the conversation so I can go back and relisten, as so much of it went over my head. But man, she is brilliant and cool and amazing.

God knows the plans He has for us, and it’s written in the stars.

I have so much more appreciation for the sky, and I’ll be sure to look up more .

We all should.

It makes you realize the miracle that you are in the grand scheme of things. God created the sun, the moon, the stars, the planets…

Then He created you.

He continues to create moment to moment. He only wants the best for us, and once we finally truly get that, our lives will be changed.

For me, once I truly grasp that there is no room for fear or anxiety about the cancer, that healing is mine, everything will change.

I still have work to do.

I have emotional cords to cut, situations to remove my energy from, addiction to food to conquer, and exercise to do every day.

May it all happen effortlessly, quickly and bring total healing.

In Jesus’s name, amen.

Xoxo

Keri