What a day.

I went into school with Morgan and quinn and spent hours there putting up shiplap contact paper. I wanted to mute the brightness of the room and make it more calm and soothing.

My friend Mary stoped by and dropped of cool birthday crowns for the kids, as well as three tickets to the aquarium. She truly has the biggest heart. She is the president of the high school PTO, and man, if parents would back her and help with fundraisers… oh, the things she would do.

We left for Morgan’s dentist appointment and I quickly ate the lunch I packed. Food is starting to not taste great and leave a bad aftertaste, which I was warned about. I chew gum after eating now to try and deal with the aftertaste. As Morgan got called in and walked through the doors by herself, I sat and chewed gum and breathed.

Then?

Something crunched in my mouth.

My entire filling came out and I felt a hole in my tooth.

My heart dropped.

Usually it stinks to have a filling come out, but for a cancer patient?

It means getting clearance from the oncologist to get work done, possibly going on antibiotics… nothing is easy.

Morgan finished and I went in and hugged her dentist and the staff. Her dentist looked and affirmed the filling came out, and another staff member said I was in her dream. That’s the fourth person to tell me I’ve appeared in their dream the last month.

I must be a dream hopper at night.

We got in the car and a flurry of phone calls began between me and rob and the hospital. Rob spoke to my oncologist, she approved it and said no metal fillings, my friend Darla got me right in to see my dentist, and at 4:00 pm I was in the chair getting a needle in my jaw hinge.

And here I was thinking I had a week off this week from needles.

When my dentist finished, I ran to pick up my kids from my moms. As we left, I saw in my neighbor’s driveway some cars. Mouth swollen and numb, morgan with cotton in her mouth, we decided to stop by, and I’m so glad we did.

My “summer cousins” were out, and I had grown up and spent summers with Laurie and Scott. We don’t get to see each other much, and I love them. Laurie brought out her daughter who is Morgan’s age, and man, did Morgan need that. She hasn’t had any play dates in weeks, and it was so good to hear her laugh. The kids all played and I sat in the front porch I spent many summer days in and laughed with this family I love. Their mom is my “Aunt Judy”, who watched us all do crazy things together. I was so lucky to have a second family growing up, and so glad God put them in my path on a hard day.

We decided Morgan deserved ice cream for dinner, and as we left, Quinn lost a tooth.

I kid you not.

The three of us had teeth issues in a matter of five hours.

We all got ice cream, morgan and quinn had fun with Kaitlin as I told her all about funny stories growing up, how her mom was my idol, I loved her hair, how I love barry manilow because of her, afternoons watching Luke and Laura on General Hospital…

memory lane can be fun to walk down.

We dropped her off and came home.

Then I got home and got an email from Donnie saying he doesn’t want me to do the new chemo protocol, it could be too hard on the system, and he wants me to stay the course.

Which means emails to my oncologist at ten, and she immediately got back to me that we can stay the course or we can discuss how the new data shows this new plan is more effective.

Which means I sit at my dining room table and cry, trying to figure out what my gut is telling me to do.

I’m scared about the bigger dose at once, but I want to do whatever will give me the best chance at a very long life. I’ve been tolerating it so well, so maybe it won’t be as bad. What if Donnie is right, and it has already mutated and this plan induced the factor of competitive release which means the DNA damage from the carboplatin will strengthen other cancer cells to take the place of the ones there now and those will be even stronger and I will have exhausted the carboplatin option…

What things go through YOUR mind at ten pm?

This is hard.

I love my doctor, and rob and I are going to continue the discussion with her. She is a scientist and researcher, so she is always on the cutting edge. Dr Snuffleuffugus wasn’t happy about the higher Carbo either, but with both his and Donnie’s support, maybe I’ll do better.

I just don’t know.

What I do know is today Maddie dances in a talent show, and I have friends coming to learn how to meditate and breathe at my house tonight. I left out a jar of water last night for the ascension of Mary today. I’m Lutheran, but the thought of it was nice and made me feel better as I went to sleep.

Today, may answers come to me, more healing happen, the tumor begin to shrink, and no one have any tooth issues.

In Jesus’s name, amen.

Xoxo

Keri