On Friday night my mom was waiting for me at home. I cried a little, bit not too much, because my kids were nearby. I’m good at crying and pulling it together in the next breath.
My mom helped me pull more strength from where I didnt think I had any left.
She told me I just have to keep going.
I told her how tired I was.
First the stage four diagnosis.
Then another horrible thing I’ve been privately dealing with because of some scientist playing God and telling me about how brain cancer and bladder cancer and colon cancer are all waiting in the wings for me.
Then having to undergo surgery because the appendix decided to join the fun.
Three times I’ve fallen and felt like I’ve had enough.
Three times in one year.
It hasn’t been an easy path.
I woke up yesterday and Morgan went to dance class. Pretty quickly after she got there she asked me if she could be a part of the Living water Easter play. Her teacher also told me they want her to be in the “Via Delarosa” dance. I had no clue what that was, but sounded pretty, so I said yes.
I went for a walk on the beach with one of my dear friends and her daughter, who is also my student. We looked for sea glass, and right before we left, I finally found two blue pieces. I got all the kisses from them and felt happy.
I told rob I would get Morgan and drive to pick her up.
In the car is where I do my best crying. I also called another dear friend and told her how tired I was. She told me how Jesus fell three times while carrying the cross, and he kept getting back up.
I didnt remember hearing about that before, but again, I didn’t always pay the closest attention. She is also Catholic, and Lutherans and Catholics have different things we hold close.
I loved the fact she said three times he fell, as I felt like I’ve fallen three times.
I dried my eyes and went in and got Morgan.
Came home and another friend sent me pictures from inside Saint Patrick’s Cathedral and prayed right where I prayed at Christmas. There was a spot in the wall I loved.
Then we went to my nieces birthday and I had some great avocado pudding.
I was in bed by 8:30.
I’m up now and going to rush to get to church. I looked up the part about Jesus falling three times.
It’s not mentioned specifically in the scriptures, I think… which is why I have not heard of it, as my church is strictly bible based.
But I read something amazing.
The road Jesus walked on?
It’s called “Via Delarosa”.
The name of the dance I was told Morgan was going to be in on Easter.
That, my friends, is called a God Whisper.
Jesus fell three times carrying the weight of the cross.
He was nailed to the cross and the cross carried him.
I’ve got to give all my worry and the weight of it to Him.
I can spend the next few weeks struggling and falling under the weight of the worry of the results of the upcoming MRIPET scan, or I can live my life and give it all to Him.
The results will be the same either way.
How I choose to wait for the results is my choice alone.
I will give it to Him.
I’ve been helped along this path I’ve been walking by so many. I still have many helping me.
Today I will give thanks for all who have reached out the past two days with calls and texts and offers to take my children for sleepovers.
My family has been amazing. They’ve been by my side and helping me the last two days.
I’m a lucky girl.
Today may we all stop carrying our burdens and rest on the cross.
In Jesus’s name, amen.