“Do I Make Stage Four Look Easy? My answer is A or B”
Whenever I see people, especially those I havent seen in a while, I always get the “How are you dooooooing?” with that almost scared, sad look. I know they are praying for the “good answer”.
Then I make a choice.
If they aren’t in Facebook land, or blog land, or Instagram land, or twitter land, they really have no clue.
Do I say, “Great! Still here!”
Or do I tell the truth?
“I’m exhausted. Just had more blood taken to check my CBC panel from round 13 of the biohazard drug I swallow every morning that comes in a neon yellow bag. It’s going to be really cold and either rainy or snowy tomorrow because apparently instant menopause makes your bones a human barometer and man, my whole body hurts like I went ten rounds with Mike Tyson (but my ear is intact). ”
“My mind keeps trying to drag me to the dark place where Mr Google statistic lives holding the huge countdown clock the first oncologist gave him. My hair has not been my friend, but at least I have hair, right? Oh, and I just started wearing a night guard at night to see if it was truly just my teeth grinding at night while I tried to sleep instead of osteonecrosis of the jaw, which is a side effect they are concerned about. I’m also wishing I was somewhere warm instead of planning on a MRI full body scan to make sure the organs and bones are all still healthy. Other than that, kids are great, hubs is still hanging on with me, and my dog is crazy. I’m faking it til I make it, whatever that means. But man oh man, do I love Jesus. How are you?”
I always opt for choice A.
If I was honest and said choice B, people would avoid me like I was the plague, or had the flu, which is apparently like the plague if you listen to the news.
You people in cyberspace land get answer B.
In person, people get A.
Some already avoid me and have stopped following me in Facebook land. Oh, they are still on my “friends list”, but when I mention something huge going on, I get the blank stare of, “Oh, crap. I just totally gave away that I pretend to be your friend, even though I haven’t liked or commented on a thing in a year.”
Cancer isn’t everyone’s cup of tea.
Even if it’s chaga tea.
To be honest, it’s not even my cup of tea.
After I give answer A, I get the, “But you LOOK good!”
Thank God for that.
Imagine if after I responded how great I am, people would say, “Whew! Because you look haggard, exhausted, and you’re weave is looking a little overused.”
I said to someone I think I make Cancer look easy. I am still doing everything I used to do BC. (Before cancer).
I am still working full time.
I am still driving my kids to their extra activities.
I am still cleaning and doing laundry.
In fact, I’m doing more, because now I have added all the extra stuff to my day of holistic stuff, supplements, early morning bible reading, middle of the night meditation and prayer.
And I’m doing it while in pain and exhausted.
But at least I look good.
Or so they say.
So, if you are a person living with cancer, I see you.
I know it’s not easy.
I know what’s behind answer A.
But people will get tired of answer B, even though it’s your life for God knows how long.
So you say answer A.
I see you.
I cant join support groups because I’m an empath, and take on other people’s pain.
I’ve got enough of my own, but man, I send all those people my love.
I think we all have different answer B’s behind our A’s.
Your answer B may be divorce, breakups, different illness, depression.
Today, know you’re not alone.
I see you.
May we all see through the A answers and just love people through the B’s.
In Jesus’s name, amen.