Here is a throwback post from one year ago. Thank you Facebook.

Sometimes I forget how far I’ve come…(and it took me five months instead of two years to hear NED…read on and see…)

This is a picture from that day.

One year ago today.

“And how are your children?”

For a girl who was told she is going to need a brain scan to check for metastasis, I’ve been doing pretty good.

Yesterday I only had one breakdown in the morning, when I spent an hour getting the kids ready to go outside, then called for my contacts and had to schedule another exam because it’s been too long to just reorder.

Another freaking appointment.

This was just after I had to schedule more bloodwork for Monday morning to check my CBC so the doctor can then order and overnight my chemo.

But I did the pity party cry for two minutes, dried off my eyes and then went to take a picture of my kid’s snowman.

“Has it been an hour mom?”

Yup. I told them they had to stay outside an hour because it took me an hour to get them all ready.

They gave me an extra twenty minutes so I could continue to dump and pack up my liquor cabinet.

More crying.

I got flowers, and a bracelet. I felt good.

Then… the phone call.

The social worker from Stonybrook called. I went over my story and thought I sounded brave and strong.

Told her I was going to make Stonybrook look amazing because I planned to only need them for two years max, as God was curing me, through prayer, friends, diet, reiki, reflexology, and magic potion. She is setting us up with financial aid and grants, as she said it will begin to add up quickly with the copays.

It was going great until she asked me the question that makes my heart hurt.

Every time.

“How are your children?”

I told her they know everything. Even the stage four conversation from two weeks ago. She mentioned that the 3 year survival rate on what I call “FU Google . Com” is wrong and scary for anyone to read, especially a 14 year girl. I can’t breathe when I talk to people about my kids. It hurts a lot to think about them and how scared they are, yet try hard to not show me. I think we are handling it ok.

We hung up and I dried off my face. I went back to where the kids were and maddie had on Greys Anatomy. You know, a great show for my future doctor. It was an episode where a woman’s mother just died and now she wants her ovaries and breast removed by elective surgery.

I kid you not.

I just said,”That’s not our story, Mad.”

Then turned off the tv and went to Target.

I used gift cards I’ve gotten from people to get them a little something each. Morgan mentioned we hadn’t been to Target in a long time.

It felt good to be normal again.

Quinn is sleeping in my bedroom again, that’s usually a sign he is scared. Morgan painted her nails over and over yesterday. Maddie asked me what my favorite one cell organism is, then explained why the one I chose is actually really cool. (For all of you wondering, a paramecium has some amazing water expelling function).

Today they have church class, a birthday party, then a sleepover at their cousin’s house.

To answer the question…

I think my kids are doing ok, under the sucky circumstance of their mom being diagnosed stage four out of the blue. I’m so glad God whispered in our ears to keep our Disney trips secret, so they didn’t have the added pain of two cancelled Disney vacations. My family has watched out for them non stop since this started, and have especially been great the past three difficult weeks.

Plus, in two more years, when I finally get the NED statement, we will finally go on a the biggest and best trip ever.

I am Khaleesi, and they are my 3 dragons.

The kids are alright.

They are loved, kind, and know God is with us all the time.

I am cured.

I am cured.

I am cured.

❤️❤️❤️🐲🐲🐲

In Jesus’s name, Amen.

Xoxoxo

Keri

I bought a Groupon weeks ago for the Salt Cave on Main Street and just haven’t been able to make it. With the joint pain, rain, and feeling the cold coming on, plus a week coming up packed with activities, I figured yesterday was a good day to try it out.

I had mentioned to my sister I may go, and she said she would come with me.

As we grow older, we spend less time with our siblings. Whether it’s activities with our own children or where we live, our lives get so busy. I was glad she said she could make the appointment.

We walked in and a former student I had in first grade about seventeen years ago or so works there. It’s a small big town I live in.

I joked that the student will now become the teacher, and he led us into the room.

There were two women already in the beach chairs covered up with blankets, sitting very quiet. The lights were low and there was soft music.

We sat in the chairs and then it started.

Jill looked at me.

Then made a face.

Suddenly, we were three and six years old again, trying to sleep during nap time, but making faces at each other instead of going to sleep and trying not to snort laugh at each other.

She brought out a container of pepper.

“S-S-salt n pepper’s HERE and were in effect, working up a sweat!”

I had to go under my blanket and not look at her at one point.

Eventually, as it usually happens with children, we were able to sit quietly and I think I actually dozed off. When the time was up, one of the other ladies who had been sitting so quietly asked me…”Are you Keri?”

Yup.

She knew me from the Crossfit gym I used to go to at five in the morning. Have I mentioned I live in the biggest small town there is?

We talked a little and I was so glad I didn’t snort or laugh out loud.

They left the room and I quick laid down and made a salt angel. There are tons of benefits to salt therapy, and one hour in the cave is equal to one week at a beach. It’s good for blood pressure, inflammation, sinuses… so I made sure I got at least one good roll around in the salt. Even put my feet in the salt too for grounding, while not thinking about anyone else who may have put their feet in the salt too.

We left, and then ran to my dads house quick. We used to live in Valley Stream, and a neighbor brought his son to meet my dad. My dad was the “cool car guy” on the block when I was growing up, and this man’s son loves cars and just got his first car. It was great to see him and meet his son. I even threw change in his new car, and his dad said to never get rid of the change, because it’s coins from Keri. I have to admit, it felt nice to hear that. I laid my hand on his car and prayed over it when he was talking to my dad. Then I left.

I went to pick up Quinn from a friends house and spent some time talking with another mom. My son has some good friends, and their moms are just as great.

We decided to go to Cowfish to celebrate all the great things going on in our lives. Maddie made high honor roll again, which isn’t an easy feat with the AP classes and honor classes. She was also picked for some special Latin competition next month. Morgan has her big dance recital today, and Quinn got a 100 on a spelling test.

We always can find something to celebrate.

We played the parking lot game and got the best parking spot. We always get the best parking spot…

Quinn even got to open the special envelope we got months ago and we got 25% off of our bill. I spoke with our waitress who has become a friend. We’ve been discussing life and it is always so nice to see her. That’s what happens when you get to see people every so often often. You check in with each other, and see progress.

Progress is always good. When we look back at where we were all those yesterday’s ago…

Progress is good.

We went food shopping after then came home.

Another busy day.

Today we have church, then I’m heading to the Giving Room. We’ve got Morgan’s recital tonight, and I have a very busy week this week. I’ve had some rib pain, but saw my chaga friends Deb and Bridget yesterday and they helped me feel better about it. It’s probably a pulled muscle, and I’ve been running like a nut during chemo and flu season.

Hence the Giving Room trip today.

A girl needs her flu shot juices to make it through the hundredth day, Valentine’s Day, Chinese New Year, and an oncology appointment.

Today may we all be the salt of the earth, and sprinkle good words onto everyone we meet. May we find some time today to rest and prepare for the week, so that it can be a week full of love, peace, joy and healing.

In Jesus’s name, amen.

Xoxo

Keri

I’ve been down with a cold while living life. Here is last year’s post…

“Dear God, please and thank you”

While having a really rough week, I kind of stopped talking to God as much as I have been.

I was then reminded to put my faith in him on Wednesday.

I prayed.

I prayed to sleep well.

I prayed to find a way to see my doctor.

I prayed to find a way to not get sick from the abundance of sickness in my classroom.

I prayed for my doctor to feel my breast and say I’m the tumors were smaller.

I prayed to not feel so nauseous and headache and dizzy.

Guess what?

I’ve been sleeping.

My doctor called and got me in on Wednesday, after we had already called on Tuesday and were told no rescheduling would be possible.

We’ve gotten a blizzard from out of nowhere and I will not be in my classroom for four days.

My doctor felt my breast and noticed softness and shrinkage.

No headache, dizzyness, nausea yesterday.

People… listen.

Start talking to God.

Don’t just ask him for things, but thank him too.

If your glass is half full, thank God for your water and watch him fill it up…(with high PH balanced water too…)

I’m heading back into bed to until it’s time for my medicine and magic potion.

I’ll be thanking God for all of his blessings He has given me, and asking Him to fully take away the cancer.

Listen, if He can make the multiple miracles happen that just happened over the past two days… this cancer doesn’t stand a chance!

I am cured.

I am cured .

I am cured.

❤️🙏🏻👲🏻🍵💨🐲🦄💃🏼🐶👐🏻

My dog is also waiting for me in my bed for me to do more reiki on her. Ha!

In Jesus’s name, amen

Xoxo

Keri

(I love reading last year’s posts and knowing that the cancer was heading to complete remission, and I didnt even know it.)

Man, I could count on several hands how many times I heard or read that in the past two days.

I was involved in a conversation on social media with a lot of prominent local people regarding commenters on posts. It started the day of the super bowl. Everyone gets upset by the racist, “troll” comments that keyboard warriors type. It’s easy to write mean and nasty things and not have any consequences. Then? It stays there forever in cyberspace for people to go back on for centuries to come and see what kind of society we are right now.

If by chance you delete the thread, chances are someone has already taken screenshots and shared it 10,000 times anyway.

Nothing is sacred anymore.

Nothing is private.

(And yes, so ironic I’m writing this on social media… but stick with me here.)

Social media is also ruining our kids. They are never “off”. When they are in their houses, they still have 2,637 “followers”. Invisible people, some they would never even speak to in public, “following” them into their homes, sitting in their living rooms, eating dinner at their tables, and going into their bedrooms. Other kids may write mean things about them on other people’s pages, and it’s there forever for them to go back and look at, and take a tiny chip out of their heart each time they reread the mean things.

“Social media is the downfall of our society.”

And then there is me.

A piece of me ten thousand percent agrees with that statement. I’ve seen it up close and personal. I’ve seen statements written get misconstrued. I’ve seen bullying by other kids, and even worse, physical harm threatened by adults to kids and families.

But then there’s the other piece of me.

I had two decisions to make when I was diagnosed with the pesky stage four cancer thing where that silly little oncologist said there were only weeks or months left, maybe a year or two, because that teeny tiny little bone met was gonna get me.

One decision was to decide how to proceed. Go home, make goodbye videos, write up a bucket list, write letters for my kids to open on birthdays and graduations and weddings and births of grandchildren. Or go home and research and go find people who beat all the google and Debbie downer oncologist odds and be there to hold my grandchildren.

That choice was easy.

The second one wasn’t.

I had to decide if I should go public or stay private. It’s a small town, and I work where I live, and teach in the same school where my kids went and still attend. Word always gets out on the street, and the word gets twisted. So I went public so I could make sure all the information that went out was the truth, and make sure whatever people heard came from me.

Then something amazing happened.

Social media became the biggest prayer group ever for me.

The biggest support group.

Then I had total strangers sent to me for help. I still get requests every single day.

Do I accept them?

Then I had strangers ask me about Dr Snuffleuffugus. Do I send them and share him?

I did.

And in the past three days, three people have written on their social media walls about the cancer is stable, or they are NED (no evidence of disease).

Three people that I didn’t know a little over a year ago, who now have bright futures and long lives ahead of them.

And that’s just the past three days.

I’ve had people tell me they are losing weight, forgiving people, having babies, finding Jesus…

All because of social media.

How amazing is that?

Yes, social media can be ugly. Scary. Hurtful. Mean. People threatening to beat the crap out of total strangers and even children.

But it can also be used to save lives. Solve problems. Find Jesus.

Arrange for juices to be delivered so people can get healthy.

Yup.

I had the honor of arranging for over thirty juices to be delivered to Aquebogue. (It’s a wonderful school filled with wonderful humans, big and small.) Paula and her staff at the Giving Room packed coolers for people full of juices. People that have always wanted to go but it’s far away for some of them. My sister in law went and grabbed them for us and for her friends too.

I got some extra orders from social media.

Social media helps people get healthy too.

Today, may we all use social media to make this world better. Solve problems peacefully and with calm voices and hearts. Order some juices. May we all remember that we just celebrated two months ago the birth of a King, who showed us what forgiveness means.

Be kinder.

Speak nicely.

Drink a juice.

In Jesus’s name, amen.

Xoxo

Keri

I stayed after school yesterday until about 6:00 or so. We had a book fair event in the building, and some parents popped in. Every single one that saw me was like…”What are you doing here??? Go home!”

Listen, it may be kindergarten, but it’s a lot of work. Lesson plans to write, homework packets, newsletters, paperwork, new curriculum written every year to read…

It ain’t nap time and snack time and half day any more, that’s for sure.

After I left work, I went to Quinn’s pinewood derby for cub scouts. If you’ve ever had a child in cub scouts, then you know how much this event means to the boys…

And the dads.

You have to build a car out of a block of wood that isn’t more than five ounces. There are whole videos on how to fix the car so it’s faster. Cutting, sanding, painting…

I don’t know if i could have ever made a decent car. Thank God Quinn had Rob.

All we kept saying was, “Please, let him win just one race.”

His first two races, he lost. He got knocked out of the chance to place. He tried not to cry.

So did Rob and I .

He was able to race in a later round, and won that race. We were happy he at least won one race, but Quinn?

Came home and went straight to bed.

Said he didn’t want to do it next year.

There were some tears.

Rob and I talked and I wondered how we can make him into someone who doesn’t give up when he loses. See the good parts of the event. Make lemonade out of lemons.

I went back into his room and told him to come out and sit with us. Hug his dad and tell dad thanks for helping him build this amazing car.

He did.

He ended up going to bed with a smile.

Then?

I did it to myself.

I watched “This is Us”.

Rob sat next to me and just let me cry at the parts I felt all the feels in.

I texted a friend that I knew was a hard scene for her.

I laughed at the station wagon with the kids jumping in. That was us growing up.

Two scenes got me. The one when the doctor showed up and told Rebecca she took lemons and made the biggest pitcher of lemonade he ever saw helped me.

Just yesterday I had someone who I sent to Dr Snuffleuffugus get her PET scan results. NED. No Evidence of Disease. My lemons helped her make her lemonade. I also had messaged someone who is thinking of going to see him as well. She is friends with someone I sent to him last year, and she shared his name. Turns out, she also knows another friend of mine who sent me a message a few days ago about her.

Six degrees of Keri, and everyone gets to make lemonade.

At the end of the show, Jack said he just wants his kids to be ok.

Yup.

But I also want more.

I want them to be resilient.

I want them to be forgiving.

I want them to be patient.

I want them to be generous…with their time, their joy, their laughter, and their love.

I want them to know that no matter where they are, or what they are going through, they are never alone.

I’ll always be with them.

So will Rob.

So will Jesus.

With the three of us, they can do anything…even make lemonade.

In Jesus’s name, amen.

xoxo

Keri

My friend Alycia posted a story about how she has received some good scans. It stared with what she called a “funny story” about being in the ER two weeks ago and the doctor misreading her scans. Said she had new mets. Turns out he was wrong.

We have warped senses of humor, my girl and I .

But here’s the thing.

She wrote about how she told him she wasn’t worried, it was just a blip, and some day he would tell people about this miraculous woman who was still alive and thriving.

She taught that doctor about hope.

Sounds like my kind of person, right?

We’ve got plans for her to come visit me this summer. Our motto is, “Good scans, making plans”.

My scans are in March, and I just might make that my new t shirt for the scan day.

Someone commented on her post and it took my breath away. She wrote about how a Greek researcher responded to her email one day about how although advanced stage is challenging, they are getting better and smarter each year for the prolongation of life with good QOL. (Quality of life). He said he just had lunch with a 31 year survivor!

He also spoke of Pandora’s box. He mentioned that people often leave off the ending.

You see, it’s a Greek mythology where Pandora was given a box and told not to open it, but curiosity overtook and she opened it, letting out evil, death, suffering, jealousy, envy. She was able to shut it, and people often forget about the fact that there was one thing left in the box for humans to hold onto…

Hope.

I never heard that before.

I love that.

I also think it stinks that in all the writing that men did long ago, it was the women who ruined humanity. Pandora’s box, Eve and the Apple.

I wonder how the stories would go if women had been allowed to learn how to write back in those times.

The Bible written by women.

Greek myths written by women.

We probably would have more stories full of empathy and hope.

I went to reflexology after school and had two amazing moments. Danielle was sending energy through my feet, and I felt an energy shift in my head. You know how in movies there is that crazy camera shaking and missing and moving around?

Yup.

Then?

It was like my whole head went empty.

It was like a switch turned off.

All I saw behind my closed eyes was a big empty white space.

Then it turned back on.

I felt so much better when I left.

I came home, had organic onion soup made with all the bone broth, and rested on the couch.

My kids are into Supergirl, so we watched that. We went to bed and watched “Whose line is it anyway”.

Rob and I laughed and I forgot how funny that show was. It’s good for the immune system to laugh, so I’ll look up more episodes of that on YouTube.

I saw a video on how the news is brainwashing you through science. Your brain is hardwired to get addicted to bad news. The more you watch, the more you want to watch. It’s like the car crashes on the road. Everyone slows down to see the horror.

No one slows down to see the beauty.

Then the news makes more money from advertisers.

Bad news equals more money for rich people. So let’s scare everyone about the flu, wars, the state of the world, and make rich men richer.

Or…

Let’s turn off the tv and find videos on how to paint, learn a new instrument, better ourselves, learn to forgive, exercise, and make ourselves better,

Today, let’s all make the good choice, and remember that in the bottom of the box is hope.

Hope is always there.

We just have to remember to open the box…

(Or the Bible)

In Jesus’s name, amen.

Xoxo

Keri

Here is my throwback to last year. This post is the one that got some people angry thinking I wasn’t a Christian and was worshipping animals over Jesus.

Not true at all.

God made all the animals.

I needed comfort and got it from owls and dragons.

God sent me comfort in all sorts of ways. He still does.

“Reiki homework… owls and dragons”

Today I go for my final day of reiki certification. We had two assignments.

One was to do reiki on ourselves every day. Being the overachiever that I am, not only did I do myself, but Kasha the wonder dog too.

The other was to look for our spirit animals. These animals are very important to us on our journey.

They came to me last night.

I wanted to go to my school last night for”Paint Night”. I hadn’t bought tickets, but was going to just show up and make an appearance. I always get a kick out of being at school at night and telling the kids that I truly do live there.

Anyhow, I didn’t go. I ended up with a massive headache, severe nausea, and fear. The whole body kind. The kind where rob came home from work and found me under a blanket crying.

My brother scott texted me psalm 112:8, my nephew Dylan texted me, my kids snuggled me, and rob made a fire.

We decided to watch a movie.

That’s when the spirit animals came to me.

Dragon and owl.

You see, I didn’t realize it until the week was over.

Owl- Next week is spirit week. One day is favorite character day. I love Harry Potter, and his pet owl. Then, when looking back on last year’s plans, I realized yesterday I hadn’t read “Owl Moon” yet. I love that book, and one page in particular.

Then, we watched Pete’s Dragon. There is an owl in the woods in one part.

Then? Facebook kept showing pictures of my school paint night. What did the kids paint?

An owl.

My cousin Jennifer who lives far away was even there. She posted the picture of her daughter and it hit me. An owl.

Dragon- It’s no secret the magic potion dr snuffleuffugus makes me is horrible tasting. I always imagine myself as a dragon breathing out smoke when I let go of my nose and stop gagging. A student in my school gave me a dragon two weeks ago. I stayed home and we watched Petes Dragon. I said to Madison who was snuggled under my blanket that I didn’t realize dragons had fur. She said, “Mom, pete is an English Dragon.” She then told me all about this variety of dragon.

It was an amazing movie. Truly.

Dragons and owls.

I had hoped for dogs, cats, birds, any kind of animal that is seen every day.

But then I realized.

My journey is a long, hard one. It won’t be easy. I don’t need easy animals. I need special ones.

Owls come out in the dark. You don’t often see them, but you hear them and know they are there.

Dragons? You just have to believe. Sometimes you never see what is real.

Kind of like Santa…

and God.

They both fly too, so I know they are carrying my prayers as they soar to the heavens.

Owls and dragons.

I am cured.💃🏼💨🐲🕊

In Jesus’s name, amen.

Xoxo

Keri

I called my best friend yesterday. It was a day full of picking up and dropping off kids. I sat in the high school parking lot and just talked with her.

She is one of those people who doesn’t have cancer but gets it…and can then make me laugh when I just want to cry.

I was telling her about how exhausted I am just trying to do everything to stay alive and healthy.

How I am exhausted before I even start my day.

It’s like being put at the starting line of a marathon after having just run five others and trying to smile so people keep showing up to cheer you on.

It was a tough week this week, and the same people showed up like they always do to help me through.

Those people get me through the hard days. Thank you.

She said she couldn’t imagine everything I have to do in a day. I told her if I write it down, peoples heads would spin.

Get ready…

1-Wake up and try to unclench the hands. Stretch and get the achey bones and muscles moving while shivering from the cold wet sheets.

2-read the Bible study to remember and remind myself I’m not alone.

3-write and type on the phone while words come out and my thumbs do all the work.

4-dry brush to get the lymphatic system going.

5-shower using organic bath supplies.

6-tongue scrape and brush teeth. Remove mouth guard. Apply frankincense oil to all areas where cancer was as well as bottom of feet.

7-Dry hair and be grateful for it.

8-choose comfortable clothes because the skin has dried out even more. Apply coconut oil and try to stop Kasha the wonder dog from licking it all off the legs.

9-Take Chinese herbs, chemo, estrogen blocker, vitamin D3 two pills, calcium citrate pill, magnesium pill, probiotic pill, inflammation pill, teaspoon of elderberry, spritz of oral vitamin D, vitamin C pill, and if I can, black seed oil.

10-make sploosh.

11-drive kids to school and go to work.

12-teach kindergarten all day. This entails reading, writing, math, science, social studies, phonics, character education, mindfulness, empathy, and how to get along with others while dodging sneezes, coughs, tying shoes, answering emails, and filling out paperwork.

13-pick up kids.

14-drive to assorted after school activities.

15-figure our dinner and pray rob makes it home to make it. Research new cancer treatments, success stories, holistic treatments. Get back to the multiple messages I got during the day.

16-brush teeth, put in mouth guard, and go to bed. If time, take epsom salt bath.

17- Put thieves oil into diffuser next to bed.

18- wake up multiple times in a hot sweat and wish I was somewhere warm sweating on a beach.

19-Hit the snooze and start again.

That’s the list.

She said she was going to come down and help me burn it.

The list is what keeps me alive…but man, it’s exhausting.

It helped to laugh about it.

Then I went to the concert last night. Once again, I was blown away. There were so many of our school district kids representing our district. I hope the school website showcases them. I’m so proud of not only the kids, but the parents who saw the opportunity for a free music education provided by top notch teachers, and did all they could to help their child.

Such talent!

We are up and getting ready to take Maddie to county championships.

She qualified for the 3,000. She didn’t know if she would go today, as she is exhausted. But someone once told me that regret is a powerful emotion.

She decided to go and do her best.

That’s all we can all do.

Today is also the Justin Timberlake mini concert, with the This is Us episode that will make everyone cry.

I think there is also a football game on in the evening.

Make smart choices about the food you eat at the parties. Your body will thank you tomorrow.

Today may we all make it through our daily list and maybe, one day, it can be lessened.

1-Love God

2-Love one another.

3-Laugh and find joy.

In Jesus’s name, amen.

xoxo

Keri

Another throwback…

“My third full time job”

My first job is being a mom. Best job in the world.

My second job is being a teacher. Used to be best job in the world, until politicians got their hands on it. Now it’s a stressful job, but I close my door and dance.

My third job? My new one I don’t remember filling out an application for?

Saving my ass.

I’m going to be honest. It’s exhausting.

Here is my day.

Wake up and journal on FB.

Dry brush to get the lymphatic system going.

Scrape my tongue and oil pull with coconut oil to detox my mouth.

Shower and use chemical free soap, shampoo and conditioner. Try not to cry when more hair comes out in the brush.

Dry hair and research while gently drying as to not lose more hair.

Sort out pills for the morning while warming up magic potion. Then gag it down. Rub Frankincense on my breast.

Mix four tbsp cottage cheese to two tbsp flax oil… wait five minutes… use hand blender until creamy. Add Manuka honey, organic cinnamon, organic berries. Put one piece Ezekiel grain toast and organic peanut butter on plate. Pour half glass of organic juice, and one cup black coffee. Eat in ten minutes while reminding kids to get ready. Pack lunch.

Then I go to work and teach 26 five year olds. I answer parent letters and emails, phone calls, photocopy, make lesson plans, teach, track behaviors, assess kids individually while making sure the other 25 are still learning independently, care for sick kids while praying I don’t get sick, and dance.

I come home and depending on the day, I go to reflexology, bloodwork, doctor appointment. I research, respond to requests from friends who need help, gag down more potion and pills. Some days I dry brush again, then take a detox bath. I try and bounce on my rebounder. I figure out which day I can go grocery shopping during the weekend and try to get laundry done or clean up sink. (Gotta be honest, my house looks like someone was recently diagnosed with stage four cancer three months ago.)

I tuck all three in bed at 8:30. Yup. Even Maddie. Teens need sleep.

I remind myself to find time to meditate, practice reiki.

I scour over stage four pages and see what else I can do to cure myself. I look at clinics in Germany, Mexico, Australia.

Then I go to bed at 9:00 or so and try to calm my mind and not go to the dark place.

I sleep, then find myself up at 4:00 am.

I miss my old me.

I miss when my kids didn’t worry about mom and cancer.

Maddie worries about the technical stuff.

Morgan cuddles me more and sees the kindest social worker ever.

Quinn told his class that his dad has cancer not but a kind in his throat, and mom does too, but she has the bad kind… but she will be ok. He also told his teacher about Whole Foods. (My kids have great teachers helping them through this.)

I miss when I didn’t feel on fire and researched, then feel cold. I’m miss when I never thought about cancer and how to save my ass.

I know, I know.

You’re all like…”But Keri did so great yesterday! She didn’t cry at Stonybrook! The needlephobe did it! She needs more cowbell!”

I do.

I need more cowbell.

But I also need to hear my tumors are shrinking, my bloodwork is great,

I’m NED, there is a cure for cancer.

I need to hear a little girl or boy look at me and say,

“Hi nanny. I love you. Tell me again when you beat cancer in three months all those years ago.”

I need a lot.

It’s a roller coaster. Ups and downs. You never know when it’s going to drop.

So today, I’m just going to dance extra, read more funny books, try to look up vegan recipes so on the super bowl I don’t miss too much my old smorgasbord of cancer feeding food, continue to accept and try to love the new me…. and repeat my mantra more.

I am cured.

(I need more cowbell.❤️)

I’ve included what suggestions stage four groups give. I need another full time job to do it all…

Go ahead and look.

(Present day Keri, here… I’ll tell my grandkids I did it in five months.)

In Jesus’s name, amen.

xoxo

Keri

When I got my labwork, I was just about to gulp down all of the pills and potions. Talk about a bitter pill to swallow.

For some reason, it put me into a panic. Maybe because I had on the news to see if there would be school delays and all they talked about was all the people dying from the flu with commercials about cancer stuck in the middle.

I dropped off Quinn, then Morgan, then cried all the way to work. I dried off my tears in the parking lot, took a deep breath and put on my game face. Hugged a friend as she dropped off one of my students, walked in, and saw a child getting sick.

Panic.

I never walked through the cafeteria so fast in my life. I got the third message about bone broth in two days, which meant it was a God whisper.

Within an hour of asking for help, I had bone broth dropped off on my stoop, bones being purchased from an organic certified farm upstate, and a chef offering to make me some from one of the fanciest restaurants on the North Fork.

When God shows up, man, he shows up big time.

I emailed my herbalist, and he got right back to me. My formula will be changing this week.

The kids came into the room for recess, and I decided to let them dance some extra moves. My assistant left for the lunch, and the moment my lunchtime ended and she walked out the door, leaving me with a room of squealing dancing kids, my oncologist’s office called. I never answer my phone while in school, but remember, panic mode. What do I do?

I grabbed my phone and suddenly, at my door, was my assistant principal. At the moment I needed to take a call, God sent her to my door.

She took over and I went into the hallway. My nurse explained how even though my counts were low and will probably continue to go lower, they want me to finish this round….but be careful.

This is as I looked through my door window and saw a roomful of sneezing, coughing, sweaty kids wriggling and jumping and dancing.

I promised to keep washing my hands and doing all I can to stay healthy, took a deep breath, then went back to my life.

I came home to more beautiful, fresh organic juices from the Giving Room. I also had three people recommend the same person for acupuncture, a person who apparently I am already friends with on fb.

I have had so many people sent to me this year, and I get so many messages a day, your head would spin. Sometimes I forget who I know and who I have had conversations with.

I also was told that an old friend is having her third baby, a boy, and the child is a miracle. That this child was conceived because I inspired the friend to have another child.

I wonder if he can be named “Keri”.

I crashed on the couch. I watched “Annie Get your Gun” and sent a text to my brother. My Nan and Pop loved MGM musicals, and I remember singing the “Anything You can do I can do better” song with him.

Then it ended and the scariest Little

House on the Prairie episode came on, “Sylvia”. I texted the same friend I hugged that morning, as she is a big LHOTP fan too. I mean, what little girl didn’t have a crush on Almonzo, and wear her hair in pigtails braids?

I also made a new friend. Next to my school is a new restaurant, and he has offered to get organic vegetables to make me lunch one day. While I was messaging him about a mutual friend,

Paula, I get a message from…

Paula….

Who was messaging me about positive recommendations for the acupuncturist…

Who also sent me a message at the same exact time.

I then got a message about from a friend about reiki, on a day when my Facebook memories post was all about reiki and loved ones who have passed, with pictures from the Peaceful Scorpion, who my mom said two of my “aunts” visited.

Mind blown.

I then got ready and went to bed.

And now?

I’m up.

Woke up at 2:22.

I also woke up at 3:33 and 4:44 this week.

I had hopes today would have been 5:55,but no, I guess God wanted to talk to me now.

Reminds me of the book by Judy Blume.

“Are You There, God? It’s me, Keri.”

Today is a busy day. Morgan has dance, Maddie has HMEA

Practice all day then her concert tonight.

We are selling the bunk bed frame and I’m resting until her concert.

I’ll look up and research all the tips I got yesterday.

Thank you to everyone who helped calm me down.

I’m a lucky girl.

Today, may we all find time to rest, and be still, and listen and look for the God Whispers in our life.

In Jesus’s name, amen.

xoxo

Keri