Here is a throwback post from one year ago. Thank you Facebook.
Sometimes I forget how far I’ve come…(and it took me five months instead of two years to hear NED…read on and see…)
This is a picture from that day.
One year ago today.
“And how are your children?”
For a girl who was told she is going to need a brain scan to check for metastasis, I’ve been doing pretty good.
Yesterday I only had one breakdown in the morning, when I spent an hour getting the kids ready to go outside, then called for my contacts and had to schedule another exam because it’s been too long to just reorder.
Another freaking appointment.
This was just after I had to schedule more bloodwork for Monday morning to check my CBC so the doctor can then order and overnight my chemo.
But I did the pity party cry for two minutes, dried off my eyes and then went to take a picture of my kid’s snowman.
“Has it been an hour mom?”
Yup. I told them they had to stay outside an hour because it took me an hour to get them all ready.
They gave me an extra twenty minutes so I could continue to dump and pack up my liquor cabinet.
I got flowers, and a bracelet. I felt good.
Then… the phone call.
The social worker from Stonybrook called. I went over my story and thought I sounded brave and strong.
Told her I was going to make Stonybrook look amazing because I planned to only need them for two years max, as God was curing me, through prayer, friends, diet, reiki, reflexology, and magic potion. She is setting us up with financial aid and grants, as she said it will begin to add up quickly with the copays.
It was going great until she asked me the question that makes my heart hurt.
“How are your children?”
I told her they know everything. Even the stage four conversation from two weeks ago. She mentioned that the 3 year survival rate on what I call “FU Google . Com” is wrong and scary for anyone to read, especially a 14 year girl. I can’t breathe when I talk to people about my kids. It hurts a lot to think about them and how scared they are, yet try hard to not show me. I think we are handling it ok.
We hung up and I dried off my face. I went back to where the kids were and maddie had on Greys Anatomy. You know, a great show for my future doctor. It was an episode where a woman’s mother just died and now she wants her ovaries and breast removed by elective surgery.
I kid you not.
I just said,”That’s not our story, Mad.”
Then turned off the tv and went to Target.
I used gift cards I’ve gotten from people to get them a little something each. Morgan mentioned we hadn’t been to Target in a long time.
It felt good to be normal again.
Quinn is sleeping in my bedroom again, that’s usually a sign he is scared. Morgan painted her nails over and over yesterday. Maddie asked me what my favorite one cell organism is, then explained why the one I chose is actually really cool. (For all of you wondering, a paramecium has some amazing water expelling function).
Today they have church class, a birthday party, then a sleepover at their cousin’s house.
To answer the question…
I think my kids are doing ok, under the sucky circumstance of their mom being diagnosed stage four out of the blue. I’m so glad God whispered in our ears to keep our Disney trips secret, so they didn’t have the added pain of two cancelled Disney vacations. My family has watched out for them non stop since this started, and have especially been great the past three difficult weeks.
Plus, in two more years, when I finally get the NED statement, we will finally go on a the biggest and best trip ever.
I am Khaleesi, and they are my 3 dragons.
The kids are alright.
They are loved, kind, and know God is with us all the time.
I am cured.
I am cured.
I am cured.
In Jesus’s name, Amen.