Burn the List

I called my best friend yesterday. It was a day full of picking up and dropping off kids. I sat in the high school parking lot and just talked with her.

She is one of those people who doesn’t have cancer but gets it…and can then make me laugh when I just want to cry.

I was telling her about how exhausted I am just trying to do everything to stay alive and healthy.

How I am exhausted before I even start my day.

It’s like being put at the starting line of a marathon after having just run five others and trying to smile so people keep showing up to cheer you on.

It was a tough week this week, and the same people showed up like they always do to help me through.

Those people get me through the hard days. Thank you.

She said she couldn’t imagine everything I have to do in a day. I told her if I write it down, peoples heads would spin.

Get ready…

1-Wake up and try to unclench the hands. Stretch and get the achey bones and muscles moving while shivering from the cold wet sheets.

2-read the Bible study to remember and remind myself I’m not alone.

3-write and type on the phone while words come out and my thumbs do all the work.

4-dry brush to get the lymphatic system going.

5-shower using organic bath supplies.

6-tongue scrape and brush teeth. Remove mouth guard. Apply frankincense oil to all areas where cancer was as well as bottom of feet.

7-Dry hair and be grateful for it.

8-choose comfortable clothes because the skin has dried out even more. Apply coconut oil and try to stop Kasha the wonder dog from licking it all off the legs.

9-Take Chinese herbs, chemo, estrogen blocker, vitamin D3 two pills, calcium citrate pill, magnesium pill, probiotic pill, inflammation pill, teaspoon of elderberry, spritz of oral vitamin D, vitamin C pill, and if I can, black seed oil.

10-make sploosh.

11-drive kids to school and go to work.

12-teach kindergarten all day. This entails reading, writing, math, science, social studies, phonics, character education, mindfulness, empathy, and how to get along with others while dodging sneezes, coughs, tying shoes, answering emails, and filling out paperwork.

13-pick up kids.

14-drive to assorted after school activities.

15-figure our dinner and pray rob makes it home to make it. Research new cancer treatments, success stories, holistic treatments. Get back to the multiple messages I got during the day.

16-brush teeth, put in mouth guard, and go to bed. If time, take epsom salt bath.

17- Put thieves oil into diffuser next to bed.

18- wake up multiple times in a hot sweat and wish I was somewhere warm sweating on a beach.

19-Hit the snooze and start again.

That’s the list.

She said she was going to come down and help me burn it.

The list is what keeps me alive…but man, it’s exhausting.

It helped to laugh about it.

Then I went to the concert last night. Once again, I was blown away. There were so many of our school district kids representing our district. I hope the school website showcases them. I’m so proud of not only the kids, but the parents who saw the opportunity for a free music education provided by top notch teachers, and did all they could to help their child.

Such talent!

We are up and getting ready to take Maddie to county championships.

She qualified for the 3,000. She didn’t know if she would go today, as she is exhausted. But someone once told me that regret is a powerful emotion.

She decided to go and do her best.

That’s all we can all do.

Today is also the Justin Timberlake mini concert, with the This is Us episode that will make everyone cry.

I think there is also a football game on in the evening.

Make smart choices about the food you eat at the parties. Your body will thank you tomorrow.

Today may we all make it through our daily list and maybe, one day, it can be lessened.

1-Love God

2-Love one another.

3-Laugh and find joy.

In Jesus’s name, amen.



My Third Full Time Job

Another throwback…

“My third full time job”

My first job is being a mom. Best job in the world.

My second job is being a teacher. Used to be best job in the world, until politicians got their hands on it. Now it’s a stressful job, but I close my door and dance.

My third job? My new one I don’t remember filling out an application for?

Saving my ass.

I’m going to be honest. It’s exhausting.

Here is my day.

Wake up and journal on FB.

Dry brush to get the lymphatic system going.

Scrape my tongue and oil pull with coconut oil to detox my mouth.

Shower and use chemical free soap, shampoo and conditioner. Try not to cry when more hair comes out in the brush.

Dry hair and research while gently drying as to not lose more hair.

Sort out pills for the morning while warming up magic potion. Then gag it down. Rub Frankincense on my breast.

Mix four tbsp cottage cheese to two tbsp flax oil… wait five minutes… use hand blender until creamy. Add Manuka honey, organic cinnamon, organic berries. Put one piece Ezekiel grain toast and organic peanut butter on plate. Pour half glass of organic juice, and one cup black coffee. Eat in ten minutes while reminding kids to get ready. Pack lunch.

Then I go to work and teach 26 five year olds. I answer parent letters and emails, phone calls, photocopy, make lesson plans, teach, track behaviors, assess kids individually while making sure the other 25 are still learning independently, care for sick kids while praying I don’t get sick, and dance.

I come home and depending on the day, I go to reflexology, bloodwork, doctor appointment. I research, respond to requests from friends who need help, gag down more potion and pills. Some days I dry brush again, then take a detox bath. I try and bounce on my rebounder. I figure out which day I can go grocery shopping during the weekend and try to get laundry done or clean up sink. (Gotta be honest, my house looks like someone was recently diagnosed with stage four cancer three months ago.)

I tuck all three in bed at 8:30. Yup. Even Maddie. Teens need sleep.

I remind myself to find time to meditate, practice reiki.

I scour over stage four pages and see what else I can do to cure myself. I look at clinics in Germany, Mexico, Australia.

Then I go to bed at 9:00 or so and try to calm my mind and not go to the dark place.

I sleep, then find myself up at 4:00 am.

I miss my old me.

I miss when my kids didn’t worry about mom and cancer.

Maddie worries about the technical stuff.

Morgan cuddles me more and sees the kindest social worker ever.

Quinn told his class that his dad has cancer not but a kind in his throat, and mom does too, but she has the bad kind… but she will be ok. He also told his teacher about Whole Foods. (My kids have great teachers helping them through this.)

I miss when I didn’t feel on fire and researched, then feel cold. I’m miss when I never thought about cancer and how to save my ass.

I know, I know.

You’re all like…”But Keri did so great yesterday! She didn’t cry at Stonybrook! The needlephobe did it! She needs more cowbell!”

I do.

I need more cowbell.

But I also need to hear my tumors are shrinking, my bloodwork is great,

I’m NED, there is a cure for cancer.

I need to hear a little girl or boy look at me and say,

“Hi nanny. I love you. Tell me again when you beat cancer in three months all those years ago.”

I need a lot.

It’s a roller coaster. Ups and downs. You never know when it’s going to drop.

So today, I’m just going to dance extra, read more funny books, try to look up vegan recipes so on the super bowl I don’t miss too much my old smorgasbord of cancer feeding food, continue to accept and try to love the new me…. and repeat my mantra more.

I am cured.

(I need more cowbell.❤️)

I’ve included what suggestions stage four groups give. I need another full time job to do it all…

Go ahead and look.

(Present day Keri, here… I’ll tell my grandkids I did it in five months.)

In Jesus’s name, amen.



Bone Broth and Little Miracles

When I got my labwork, I was just about to gulp down all of the pills and potions. Talk about a bitter pill to swallow.

For some reason, it put me into a panic. Maybe because I had on the news to see if there would be school delays and all they talked about was all the people dying from the flu with commercials about cancer stuck in the middle.

I dropped off Quinn, then Morgan, then cried all the way to work. I dried off my tears in the parking lot, took a deep breath and put on my game face. Hugged a friend as she dropped off one of my students, walked in, and saw a child getting sick.


I never walked through the cafeteria so fast in my life. I got the third message about bone broth in two days, which meant it was a God whisper.

Within an hour of asking for help, I had bone broth dropped off on my stoop, bones being purchased from an organic certified farm upstate, and a chef offering to make me some from one of the fanciest restaurants on the North Fork.

When God shows up, man, he shows up big time.

I emailed my herbalist, and he got right back to me. My formula will be changing this week.

The kids came into the room for recess, and I decided to let them dance some extra moves. My assistant left for the lunch, and the moment my lunchtime ended and she walked out the door, leaving me with a room of squealing dancing kids, my oncologist’s office called. I never answer my phone while in school, but remember, panic mode. What do I do?

I grabbed my phone and suddenly, at my door, was my assistant principal. At the moment I needed to take a call, God sent her to my door.

She took over and I went into the hallway. My nurse explained how even though my counts were low and will probably continue to go lower, they want me to finish this round….but be careful.

This is as I looked through my door window and saw a roomful of sneezing, coughing, sweaty kids wriggling and jumping and dancing.

I promised to keep washing my hands and doing all I can to stay healthy, took a deep breath, then went back to my life.

I came home to more beautiful, fresh organic juices from the Giving Room. I also had three people recommend the same person for acupuncture, a person who apparently I am already friends with on fb.

I have had so many people sent to me this year, and I get so many messages a day, your head would spin. Sometimes I forget who I know and who I have had conversations with.

I also was told that an old friend is having her third baby, a boy, and the child is a miracle. That this child was conceived because I inspired the friend to have another child.

I wonder if he can be named “Keri”.

I crashed on the couch. I watched “Annie Get your Gun” and sent a text to my brother. My Nan and Pop loved MGM musicals, and I remember singing the “Anything You can do I can do better” song with him.

Then it ended and the scariest Little

House on the Prairie episode came on, “Sylvia”. I texted the same friend I hugged that morning, as she is a big LHOTP fan too. I mean, what little girl didn’t have a crush on Almonzo, and wear her hair in pigtails braids?

I also made a new friend. Next to my school is a new restaurant, and he has offered to get organic vegetables to make me lunch one day. While I was messaging him about a mutual friend,

Paula, I get a message from…


Who was messaging me about positive recommendations for the acupuncturist…

Who also sent me a message at the same exact time.

I then got a message about from a friend about reiki, on a day when my Facebook memories post was all about reiki and loved ones who have passed, with pictures from the Peaceful Scorpion, who my mom said two of my “aunts” visited.

Mind blown.

I then got ready and went to bed.

And now?

I’m up.

Woke up at 2:22.

I also woke up at 3:33 and 4:44 this week.

I had hopes today would have been 5:55,but no, I guess God wanted to talk to me now.

Reminds me of the book by Judy Blume.

“Are You There, God? It’s me, Keri.”

Today is a busy day. Morgan has dance, Maddie has HMEA

Practice all day then her concert tonight.

We are selling the bunk bed frame and I’m resting until her concert.

I’ll look up and research all the tips I got yesterday.

Thank you to everyone who helped calm me down.

I’m a lucky girl.

Today, may we all find time to rest, and be still, and listen and look for the God Whispers in our life.

In Jesus’s name, amen.



“We’ve got you, Doll”

Friday flashback.

Last year, the morning post.

“Thank you to anonymous”

“We’ve got you, doll”.

Yes, I have two titles today.

Yes, I have debated whether to write this one, because many of you will believe I am crazy. But that’s nothing new, really… so here I go.

I’ve been blessed my many. I went to pay for Quinn’s morning program yesterday, and my friends who work there paid for it already. Third month in a row.

I had a pretty good day after that. I started to get a headache, but had reflexology, so I was excited.

I booked it for yesterday because today I go for bloodwork, and I feel it will help my blood counts.

When I got to the Peaceful Scorpion, I told Danielle D DeLongis about something that happened to me at Reiki Class Saturday.

Here comes the part where I sound crazy.

On Saturday, at the end of class, we had to keep our eyes closed as the Master Reiki Healer gave us the gift of attunement. I can’t say what she did, as we had to keep them closed the whole time. She told us we may see, smell, hear things. We may get emotional. We may even feel the presence of loved ones.

Hocus pocus, a small part of me thought.

But then, I reminded myself that this is my life on the line and to open myself up.

While my eyes were closed, I heard knocking on the Giving Room Door. I felt that people were in the corner of the room. Then it wasn’t people.

It was my grandma, my grandpa, my dads mom I never met, my dads brother “Uncle Larry”, and even my “Uncle Dennis”.

Behind me?

I felt nanny and poppa.

I heard my nanny’s voice say, “We’ve got you, Doll”.

Poppa said, “it’s okay, babe”.

Babe and doll were their names for me.

Then I smelled incense, I got hot, and I also saw a bright yellow light behind my eyelids. I started crying.

I didn’t open my eyes, because I didn’t want to lose that feeling.

When the healer finished, I asked sandy if she heard the knocking, or felt the incense. She didn’t, but had her own experience.

As I told this to Danielle, she kept nodding her head. She said I wasn’t crazy, and that she had something to tell me.

Someone who wishes to remain anonymous called her.

This person read on Facebook how I have decided to stay at The Peaceful Scorpion. This person called up Danielle and told her that he/she is going to pay for all of my treatments. Twice a month.


I sobbed.

Then I got ready for another reflexology session. I lay down on the warm bed, got under the heated blanket, and held two warm rocks over my breasts.

At the end, Danielle brought out her singing bowl and did reiki.

It happened again.

A bright light came into my eyes. But different this time.

The only way to describe it would be it was like Heaven slipping through the cracks of my eyelids on the bottom as they were closed, then filled my eyelid space.

Then my lower back, where my cancer has spread, got very warm. I thought ,”Oh my God, it just left my sacrum”.


Nanny and poppa were at my shoulders. I heard Nanny say,”We’ve got you, doll”.

I started crying again as Danielle continued to lay hands on me.

When she was done and I got dressed. I put the two rocks on the bed and took a picture so Incould remember Nanny and Poppa in that room with me. I apologized for crying while she worked. I told her what happened. I told her it was nice to hear Nanny’s voice again and feel them behind me.

She said she felt my nanny and poppa too.

I came Home and was emotional. I told the kids and Morgan started crying. It has been a hard week for a lot of reasons for her. I assured her that I will be ok, and that we are surrounded by kindness.

I went to Madison’s concerts after. I saw my Aela, a sweet former student who I know has been scared for me. I told her I will be at her high school graduation.

I saw Grace, another former student who is in high school. Her mom Laurie has told me Grace has been upset. Grace told me she had a dream she was shopping and couldn’t find her mom. Then she found me and she was crying. We talked and she knew I would be ok.

I didn’t cry at Maddie’s concert. I sat next to my mom and dad and rob and maddie and morgan, surrounded by former parents and students, watching former students and my girl play instruments and sing. I didn’t cry because I am no longer afraid I won’t be here to see more concerts.

I tucked in the kids, and Maddie asked about if my bloodwork today will show my cancer is shrinking.

I told her yes.

She breathed deep, and said good.

This is harder on them at times than me.

That’s my story.

I told you I would sound crazy.

Crazy and cured.


Thank you to all of my parents and children that I saw last night who hugged me. Once you’re my student, you’re always in my heart.

Thank you to Anonymous, the person on Facebook who had gifted me The Peaceful Scorpion. I have no words for the gift you have given me. Danielle wouldn’t tell me your name. So whoever you are, you are my blessing.

Today at 4:00 I will be in Stonybrook having my blood taken to check my levels.

Rob is coming with me, my parents have my kids, and my loved ones, here on earth and in heaven, will all be with me.

I know it.

I feel it.

I am cured.


In Jesus’s name, amen.



“Do I Make Stage Four Look Easy? A or B?

“Do I Make Stage Four Look Easy? My answer is A or B”

Whenever I see people, especially those I havent seen in a while, I always get the “How are you dooooooing?” with that almost scared, sad look. I know they are praying for the “good answer”.

Then I make a choice.

If they aren’t in Facebook land, or blog land, or Instagram land, or twitter land, they really have no clue.

Do I say, “Great! Still here!”

Or do I tell the truth?

“I’m exhausted. Just had more blood taken to check my CBC panel from round 13 of the biohazard drug I swallow every morning that comes in a neon yellow bag. It’s going to be really cold and either rainy or snowy tomorrow because apparently instant menopause makes your bones a human barometer and man, my whole body hurts like I went ten rounds with Mike Tyson (but my ear is intact). ”

“My mind keeps trying to drag me to the dark place where Mr Google statistic lives holding the huge countdown clock the first oncologist gave him. My hair has not been my friend, but at least I have hair, right? Oh, and I just started wearing a night guard at night to see if it was truly just my teeth grinding at night while I tried to sleep instead of osteonecrosis of the jaw, which is a side effect they are concerned about. I’m also wishing I was somewhere warm instead of planning on a MRI full body scan to make sure the organs and bones are all still healthy. Other than that, kids are great, hubs is still hanging on with me, and my dog is crazy. I’m faking it til I make it, whatever that means. But man oh man, do I love Jesus. How are you?”

I always opt for choice A.

If I was honest and said choice B, people would avoid me like I was the plague, or had the flu, which is apparently like the plague if you listen to the news.

You people in cyberspace land get answer B.

In person, people get A.

Some already avoid me and have stopped following me in Facebook land. Oh, they are still on my “friends list”, but when I mention something huge going on, I get the blank stare of, “Oh, crap. I just totally gave away that I pretend to be your friend, even though I haven’t liked or commented on a thing in a year.”

That’s ok.

Cancer isn’t everyone’s cup of tea.

Even if it’s chaga tea.

To be honest, it’s not even my cup of tea.

After I give answer A, I get the, “But you LOOK good!”

Thank God for that.

Imagine if after I responded how great I am, people would say, “Whew! Because you look haggard, exhausted, and you’re weave is looking a little overused.”

I said to someone I think I make Cancer look easy. I am still doing everything I used to do BC. (Before cancer).

I am still working full time.

I am still driving my kids to their extra activities.

I am still cleaning and doing laundry.

In fact, I’m doing more, because now I have added all the extra stuff to my day of holistic stuff, supplements, early morning bible reading, middle of the night meditation and prayer.

And I’m doing it while in pain and exhausted.

But at least I look good.

Or so they say.

So, if you are a person living with cancer, I see you.

I know it’s not easy.

I know what’s behind answer A.

Answer B.

But people will get tired of answer B, even though it’s your life for God knows how long.

So you say answer A.

I see you.

I cant join support groups because I’m an empath, and take on other people’s pain.

I’ve got enough of my own, but man, I send all those people my love.

I think we all have different answer B’s behind our A’s.

Your answer B may be divorce, breakups, different illness, depression.

Today, know you’re not alone.

I see you.

May we all see through the A answers and just love people through the B’s.

In Jesus’s name, amen.



“I Rise Up”

Throwback Thursday

“I Rise Up”

Everyone knows by now that 3

is my number.

I have 3 siblings who have helped me rise up by texting me, cooking for me, letting me sob and just try to breathe on the phone.

I have 3 children with the love of my life.

I get 3 signs that show me God is whispering and pointing the way.

Ive found 3 new business I never knew existed, The Giving Room, Good Foods, and The Peaceful Scorpion. They have helped me begin to heal.

“I am cured” are my 3 words.

I am surrounded by people who help me rise up when I feel I can’t, like this past hard week.

But I also now find JOY, (a 3 letter word) when I help others rise up.

We all need each other.

We aren’t meant to be alone.

When God created Adam, Adam had birds and animals and trees. But He knew Adam needed someone else.

Hence Eve.

God made fellowship.

We are meant to flourish…together.

We are meant to help each other.

It feels good to take care of others and bring them joy.

It feels good to be taken care of by others and feel joy.

I downloaded this song a long time ago, and God whispered in my ear that not only did I need it yesterday…

But so did my friends, my family and all of you.

Here are the lyrics.

I added the video.

Please. Take a minute and read the lyrics, and watch this beautiful woman help me rise up.

I listen to her in the shower and raise my hands to heaven.

All we need is hope, and for that we have each other…

I rise up.

I am cured❤️

“You’re broken down and tired

Of living life on a merry-go-round

And you can’t find the fighter

But I see it in you so we gonna walk it out

And move mountains

We gonna walk it out

And move mountains

And I’ll rise up

I’ll rise like the day

I’ll rise up

I’ll rise unafraid

I’ll rise up

And I’ll do it a thousand times again

And I’ll rise up

High like the waves

I’ll rise up

In spite of the ache

I’ll rise up

And I’ll do it a thousand times again

For you

When the silence isn’t quiet

And it feels like it’s getting hard to breathe

And I know you feel like dying

But I promise we’ll take the world to its feet

And move mountains

Bring it to its feet

And move mountains

And I’ll rise up

I’ll rise like the day

I’ll rise up

I’ll rise unafraid

I’ll rise up

And I’ll do it a thousand times again

For you

All we need, all we need is hope

And for that we have each other

And for that we have each other

We will rise

We will rise

We’ll rise, oh oh

We’ll rise

I’ll rise up

Rise like the day

I’ll rise up

In spite of the ache

I will rise a thousand times again

And we’ll rise up

High like the waves

We’ll rise up

In spite of the ache

We’ll rise up

And we’ll do it a thousand times again

For you oh oh oh oh oh ”

In Jesus’s name, amen.



Wild and Free by the Sea

After school I went to the water. I met with other people who believe in energy, something out there that is bigger than them, science, and a little bit of magic.

It was cold and windy, but I felt the energy and excitement more.

We were there for the moon.

The super blue blood moon that hasn’t happened in over 150 years.

The clouds had rolled in and people thought it wouldn’t be seen.

At 5:30 the clouds on the horizon looked like they were over a fire. They were illuminated by a red glow.

We all lined up and went quiet with intention setting, meditation, silent reflection, and prayer.

I started to pray.

Suddenly I heard a gasp and opened my eyes.

There, peeking up over the cliffs in the distance, was the top of the blood red moon.

She was beautiful.


I started a Facebook live video because I wanted others who couldn’t make it to be able to see it.

I actually watched it rise up, like a phoenix from the ashes.

I knew I had to put my feet in the water, snow and wind be damned.

My friends Laura and Paula from the Giving Room went in as well, which was perfect.

Three souls in the water.

I ran up to the waters edge, took off my socks and boots, hiked up my leggings, and ran in. I had my selenite crystal wand in my hand too. God made everything on this Earth, and I believe He made the selenite crystals to have healing energy for me as well. The moon and sand and sea all recharged it.

I threw my hands up in the water and danced and thanked God for my life, my friends, my health, my love, and asked Him to continue to completely heal me, as well as help all of my other friends I offered prayers for, and asked for it all in the name of Jesus.

I knew I probably looked like a wild witchy woman from afar, but in my heart I was a free, healed, Jesus loving born again and again and again daughter of a King.

And women like me?

We don’t care what we look like anymore.

Love can break the chains of what holds us back.

I’ve got big love.

Love of my husband, love of my children, love of my family and friends, and love of Jesus, all in my heart.

We came out, put back on our shoes quickly, and then everyone started to leave the beach.

I stayed behind and wrote in the sand with my wand.

It was too cold to bend all the way over, and my hands were frozen, so having the long wand sure came in handy.

I drew a circle and wrote, “Heal, Healed, Healer”, and then “Faith Over Fear”.

Paula waited for me and then we left. Another friend stopped us and took our picture. She also said she took some of me when I was in the water and on the beach.

I did look like a wild woman, and when I sent them to another friend, she said I looked free.

I’m doing my best to be free physically of all cancer, but becoming free from it mentally and emotionally has been hard.

Last night helped.

Then we went to the Giving Room and there were candles and yoga mats and blankets lovingly prepared for us to lay down upon and just breathe. I saw the daughters of a man I have prayed for every day, and also another man who I sent to Dr Snuffleuffugus. It was the first time I ever met him in person. It was a good night to meet someone whose life is also being helped by a secret Chinese man.

We wrote down our intentions.

I wrote on the front and back of the paper for myself, and also wrote the names of those I have special prayers for right now. It changes day by day, as I feel some need extra prayers at times more than others.

Kind of like Arya Stark in Game of Thrones with her list of names.

(But I pray for their lives to be helped…Arya is out for vengeance,

I’m out for love).

Paula ended it with poems about love and the moon.

There was one poem about how everyone’s eyes are like moons, and we all want love to be reflected in our eyes. That’s how the moon works, you know.

I talked to my kindergarten about it. It doesn’t get smaller and bigger, it just has more light from the sun shining on it and it reflects the light back to us. When it’s full, it’s feeling and showing all the light from the sun.

Same with us and love.

When we are fully receiving love, we reflect it to others, even during the darkest nights.

How perfect.

Today I’ve got to move quickly, as my oncologist wants my levels checked today, mid chemo session. I’ll drop off the kids, run to the lab, then try and get to school on time. After school morgan has an eye doctor appointment, then I’ll get home around 5:30 or so.


I’ll look at the moon and thank it for its love and light.

Then I’ll thank God for all of my love and light and life and laughter…. and for the moon, stars, sun and His son.

Today may we all be reflections of the sun… and the “son”. May His love and light fill your life so brightly that you shine for others, even when the wind is blowing and the clouds move in and the night seems dark and long.

The moon is there, reminding you by the Its reflection of the sun’s light, that brighter days are coming.

Hold on for the sun/son.

In Jesus’s name, amen.



PS. Here are some poems I found for you. Enjoy, then look at the moon tonight.❤️🙌🏻🦋