Yesterday I heard something I never ever heard before.

It was about “Forgiveness”.

As a Christian, I’ve been taught to forgive and forgive and forgive.

But man, it’s hard. When you’ve been hurt, you become a victim in your mind. Someone did something to you and your feelings were hurt or your life was changed. Pain, heartbreak, anger.

As children, when you hurt others, you’re told, “Say your sorry”. Your parent or teacher took you by the hand and told you to apologize.

We do it all the time in kindergarten.

But here’s where I change it up.

Many times when I have a child apologize, the one that was hurt automatically says, “It’s ok”.

When it’s not.

Whatever hurt was done, it’s not ok.

I teach the children to say, “Thank you for apologizing. Don’t ever do that again.”

Children have no problem apologizing. They do it all the time, then move on.

Adults?

Forget it.

When you’ve been hurt, good luck getting the adult who hurt you to apologize.

Thats because ego gets in the way.

People think they then stoop lower to ask for forgiveness. “I didn’t do anything wrong. She is crazy.”

But you did.

You hurt someone.

Feelings are real.

Pain is real.

And refusing to acknowledge that?

Or even care about the pain you’ve left someone in?

The victim becomes a victim twice.

The hurt person waits for an apology. “Just apologize so I can forgive you and move on.”

They wait for the apology so they can give the forgiveness. When the other person refuses to apologize, the victim waits and waits and gets angry and even more hurt… quite possibly more hurt than from the actual first offense.

Now the act of forgiveness becomes even harder.

“How the hell am I supposed to forgive someone who doesn’t care they hurt me?”

Then the Christian guilt comes in, and you’re not going to get into heaven because you struggle to forgive.

Yesterday, Madame Swoosh blew my mind. She said don’t forgive. If people don’t ask for it, don’t give it.

BUT… find a way to move on. You can be in the same space as people who have hurt you and don’t care and don’t ask for forgiveness.

Just continue to be kind.

They have to live with what they’ve done, and eventually… they will realize.

She said they always do.

She has helped many, and said that it always happens… many times right before death.

Think about that.

It’s true.

When people are dying, that’s when people come and ask for forgiveness because they don’t want the pain they’ve caused to be left open.

She said stop being a victim, and know that the forgiveness is your power. If people don’t want it, don’t give it. It’s like you’re standing there waiting to forgive and move on and you’re slapped in the face when people don’t want it.

Victim again.

“You hurt me AND you don’t care”

That’s pain times two.

So here is where love comes in.

Being Christian means you walk in love anyway.

Hell… being human means you walk in love.

So many people say hurtful things and do hurtful things, and it’s become easier to hide behind keyboards and be even meaner.

Asking for forgiveness becomes harder and harder.

Giving it is impossible when it’s not wanted.

Free yourself from the forgiveness guilt.

Be free…

and keep doing you.

Religion screws everything up.

Jesus never said…”Be a Lutheran” or “Be a catholic”, and then you’ll get to heaven.

He said “Love one another”.

That’s it.

We don’t walk up to the pearly gates and get checked for the Lutheran mark and get in.

You just have to believe in Jesus and love others.

If you do that, you’re all good in my book.

(And if you don’t believe in Jesus, I still love you.)

Madame swoosh also reminded me that even though I should be dead based on all of the cancer, or laying in bed, I’m not.

She said drop the fear of dying and live.

I came home drained… and kept smelling her perfume all over me.

She smells like heaven.

She is here until December 2, and wants me to let her know how the pet scan goes.

I love her and her daughter.

She swooshed and swooshed all over my body, and pulled out energy and moved other energy around. We laughed that it was easier around my head since I dont have any hair.

She hugged me and hugged me and said to not worry about Those who don’t.

She told me she loves me and sees who I am inside, and I am a very spiritual person.

Man, I love her.

Imagine going to church and hearing how much you are loved instead of how you aren’t doing a good job of trying to live and should repent?

Sign me up for that religion.

Hallelujah.

Jesus loves me.

He loves you too, and don’t let anyone ever tell you otherwise.

I’m up and getting ready for work.

This week, I’ll teach the kids about how breaking and entering into a strangers house is never a good idea, especially when it’s owned by three bears who like their porridge a particular temperature.

I’m praying that the anger in this town dies down and people stop spreading misinformation and hate, and actually become part of the solution. Go to meetings, and have your voice heard where it counts.

Not on Facebook, where everyone has an opinion, but in actual meetings where people can learn the facts and have civil discussions.

CIVIL discussions.

Stop complaining about illegal housing and go ahead and report it to the town. Make the damn phone call instead of spreading hysteria. Stop being the tough guy and posturing on Facebook and contact the people who can tell you that either you’re right and thank you, or your misinformed and go live your blessed life in your single family home and are lucky enough you don’t have to cram your whole family on one room and share one bed.

Stop complaining about kids being dropped off at bus stops that don’t live in town and report it to the district. The district will look into it and have a hearing. Can you believe people actually WANT their kids to come here and may not live in town?

I can.

Because my kids are thriving in this district with academics, sports, clubs, music, theatre, NJROTC.

If it’s true, then it will be fixed. If it’s not, then you’ll learn the truth and can stop saying how empty our schools will be when all the “illegals” are gone.

Then go look at Main Street and all the monstrous apartment buildings being built, and think how many kids those will add to our already overcrowded buildings which will magically become empty this year when all the politicians kick people out of allllll the houses that have hundreds of kids living in them.

Go ahead and vote no and put your fingers in your ears and spread misinformation and stomp your feet.

I’ll be over here trying to help find multiple ways to solve the problem and work with whoever is kind and willing to have hard discussions and actually take action to help instead of just pointing fingers and name calling, while going through chemo and trying to save my life.

Today may those who have wronged you ask for forgiveness, and if they don’t… may you be able to walk forward with peace, love and compassion.

In Jesus’s name, amen.

Xoxo

Keri