It’s been a while.
I’m in a trial study now. Things are status quo with injections, praying, healing modalities, nutrition.
I’ve been absent from the blog, but still writing to my Facebook friends. I realized of the followers here may be concerned, so here is my update from this weekend.
“You are the Star”
Rob and I walked into the basement and saw Madame Voila Swoosh and her daughter, Maryne. I quickly filled them in on how the appendix was completely healed after I saw them last, but the cancer woke up again after the surgery.
Then I got on the table and she began to rapidly swoosh her fingers all around my body.
She asked if I was in pain when she was near my breast and arm, and asked if they were going to do surgery. She asked if I was scared. I said yes, a little.
She asked if I was angry. I said I just had love, as anger feeds the cells.
She asked if i slept well, and when I said no, and told her it was because of hot flashes and a nine year old boy, she knew why the nine year old boy was sleeping with me.
She asked if I got pleasure when I ate. I replied some, as I dont eat anything that used to give me pleasure and I have no sugar.
Then she said she felt there was a big difference in my thinking and my living.
She said my head says one thing but she feels something different in my body.
She said I have permission to feel sad, and I need to let it out.
That’s when I began to release and cry.
I told her I stay strong all the time for my husband, my children, my students, my parents, my family. She said she feels all the pain, physical and emotional, and that I said I was so sad it came back.
She said don’t fight the pain. Allow it to go where it wants to go. It’s the energy and to not fight it. It’s very important.
She said, “You are the Star.”
She said I was the main person and need to take care of myself.
As I cried more, suddenly she said she felt the energy moving better already and it was flowing to where it needed to be.
She asked how long I would be on the trial.
Then she worked for a long time on my head. I became scared again that she felt cancer there, but instead she gave me extra energy because she sensed my lithium energy was low, which caused the sadness, and she was “giving me the sun”.
When she finished she said I need to look at this all another way. The trial is something else for me to do. The situation is complicated and hard, but nothing is lost.
Everything is possible.
Just feel your emotions. The energy has to travel. She looked at rob and asked how he treated me.
I said he was wonderful.
She said of course, because I am wonderful and deserve to be surrounded by wonderful people.
She said I am going to be ok.
But she wants me back in three or four weeks so she can add extra energy again and reinforce the work she did.
Then we hugged and kissed and said we love each other.
I also told her I call her Madame voila swoosh. She said I can give her name.
She is called…”Healing Odile”.
I am sending a dear friend today to see her. She is wonderful too.
We went to get Maddie at her track meet and then came home . I quick took my herbs and went to the Giving Room for the breathwork class.
Somehow, God put these two events on the same day for a reason.
At first I thought it was just going to be about breathing through anxiety.
Man, was I wrong.
The teacher, Ashley, had us all warm up then lay down and cover with blankets. Paula gave me an eye pillow. We had to breathe with our mouths open and make noise breathing in and breathing out. I felt uncomfortable at first. I knew some people in the room and couldn’t let go. Ashley and her assistant would come around and bend down and breathe hard and loud into our ear as well as push on certain parts of our body. At first I thought it was because I was breathing wrong.
Then it changed.
Every time they came and breathed with me, I felt more aware and powerful as we breathed new unison. The music got louder, the breathing got louder in the room, the tempo picked up, and Ashley kept telling us to allow ourselves to go deeper. I heard someone crying and then it happened.
I found myself sobbing and letting go all of the anger I had about the cancer, about my husband having a with a wife with this illness, the sadness and fear that my children have in them and I can sense, the worry my parents have, my family and friends…
I cried for me.
Then I cried some more.
I’m crying now as i write, and it’s ok.
Because it’s okay to cry.
It helps the energy go and leave so more healing can come.
Then my body began to vibrate. My eye and throat pulse point began to vibrate. I felt like a hummingbird it was going so fast. Then I actually felt every cell in my body. My legs were shaking as were my arms and hands.
It sounds crazy, but I felt like a superhero would when gathering energy up.
I imagined a white ball of light or fire in my hands and I held one hand over my breast and one up to heaven to connect with God.
I couldnt stop the tingling and vibrating and crying, even when we were told to stop.
When I finally removed the eye pillow, I couldnt see. All i saw was white light,
And it took a while to focus.
I got up and was shaky and went to the bathroom to check myself. I had mascara all over my face.
Healing ain’t pretty.
When I came out, paula checked on me and was concerned. I had her hold her palms up and feel my hands. I think she felt it still.
We all shared what happened and I wasn’t too far off from other people’s experience. One girl said she felt Jesus. She knows me and thanked me for bringing Him with me. I said He is always with us.
Then I did a wheat grass shot and came home.
I’m going to church then to food shopping, then to the giving room for another breathwork class.
Ashley said it’s not called “breath spa”,
It’s “breath work”, and it was.
May and June are crazy months as a teacher and a parent. When I wasn’t dealing with cancer I wanted to cry.
If you see me and I’m crying, it’s because I’m allowed to cry. I’m moving my energy and healing.
Our society needs to tell boys and men they can cry. Why are so many people angry? Because they aren’t allowed to feel, and then it causes blockage, which causes disease.
Today I’m praying for my friend who is seeing Odile. I’ll call her Madame Voila Swoosh in my head still. I’ll work on moving my energy so when I go back to her in four weeks like she asked, she says, “Cherie, bon! C’est magnifique!
I’m praying for more healing in this class today.
Radical remission is my goal.
May I achieve it with grace and kindness and love, and more laughter than tears.
In Jesus’s name, amen.