I went to the dentist. It’s hard to tell if I have the beginning of osteonecrosis of the jaw. She actually said the same thing my Chinese herbalist said about the drug. It fills in the bone sometimes so quickly, which can cause the bone to die.

Which is so ironic, as I am doing everything I can to keep everything in my body alive. The only thing allowed to die the last year was the cancer.

I’m keeping everything else alive and with me…(except the appendix, which I will always be grateful for because it showed them how my body can fully heal.)

I refuse all radiation and X-rays due to some crazy thing they’ve told me I also have that should I get X-rays, pop! Pop! Pop! More cancer will grow.

No questions please.

Thanks.

So, we discussed applying heat and ice, and we put plaster molds in my mouth for a guard. I’ve got so much grit I’m apparently also gritting my teeth.

I mean, it’s not like I have anything to stress about.

I was messaging with a friend at 5:30 am, and I wrote to her about these hard times we are both apparently in.

There is a speech that was given about being gladiators in the arena by President Roosevelt.

It’s me.

I’m in this arena.

I was thrown into this arena with nothing. I was walking about, living my life, then BOOM!

I’m in this arena with lions circling me.

Cancer has different arenas.

I skipped over the other stage arenas where you get a little bitten off but get let out.

Not me.

I’m in the arena where you never get out.

So now I have to be cunning.

Sometimes the lions just circle me.

Those are the dark days.

Sometimes I stroke the lions and they lay quiet and I sing them songs of the lessons they’ve taught me while trying to eat me.

Sometimes they pounce and hold me down and take a bite or two.

The difference now is that the bloodthirsty crowd is on my side.

“Kill the Lions!!!”

Call me Spartacus.

I’ve received something that helps me when I need to go to my corner to catch my breath.

When I need to feel strong when I’m tired.

That helps me bring out my courage when I am afraid.

Jesus.

If you look at the history of the arena and wild animals, I believe that Christians were the ones thrown in the arena.

I’ve got Jesus in the arena with me.

I cover myself with him.

Kind of like the Harry Potter invisibility cloak.

The lions can’t see me.

Then I get a brown box delivered to my door with potions made from recipes that have been handed down for generations from a country across the world that helps my body stay strong.

And I live to fight another day in the arena.

Somewhere there is a scientist working hard on a medicine that will someday slay all the lions, or at least tame them.

I’ve got to keep fighting until they do.

With my invisibility cloak wrapped around me like my faith, and Jesus in the ring holding my hand.

In Jesus’s name, amen.

Xoxo

Keri