Thank God October is OctOVER.

I’m up, and in quite a lot of pain in my back…especially my sacrum which the last scan showed was full of cancer.

So I appreciate all prayers as I try to find a comfortable position and try to not imagine it as cancer spreading more in the bones.

I may have overdone it yesterday.

We all dressed as Max from Where the Wild Things Are, and did a wild rumpus through the halls of the school and in the main office.

A parent sent me a video of it and it was just too cute.

It was almost like their very first play.

Bravo!

We did stations in the class and the kids had a memorable party. My friend Peggie dropped off pumpkins her mom Muriel decorated and every child in my class took one home.

School ended and went to the high school for safe Halloween event and it was amazing to see the whole community come out. I especially love seeing parents all dressed up as well. We never grow up if we keep our inner child in our heart.

Morgan was sad as she didn’t go with friends due to her ankle, so we grabbed my nephew and he and Quinn went from house to house as rob followed in the truck and I walked and supervised. I thought it was a good idea as it got me some exercise, but at 2:00 a.m. I am regretting it dearly.

Although there WAS a moment where Quinn grabbed my hand as we walked alone and he said it was his best Halloween ever.

Be still my heart.

That’s what I’m replaying in my head at 2:30 in the morning as I try not to cry from pain.

Being the youngest child isn’t easy, as the novelty of all of the special holidays and events wears off. I want to keep everything going as long as I can with him.

We came home, went through candy, and crashed.

My chest hurt and back hurt, which meant a night of tears and fears. I just took some Tylenol and hope it will help.

Rob thinks it could be the neulasta shot as well which caused bone pain as it forces immature cells to grow faster.

Whatever it is, it hurts.

I received so much support yesterday and I thank you for each and every message. I was contacted by news outlets, but made a decision.

October was a month full of action and awareness. In one month I raised money for Metavivor, protested against Susan g Komen, raised money for my oncologist, was interviewed for several articles and wrote an editorial on the pinkwashing of stage four, started college visits with Maddie, tried to educate the public about our school bond, worked full time teaching kindergarten, and received the hardest chemo they’ve got.

I’m tired.

Had i received the letter a week ago, I probably would have gone with a media blitz.

But I’ve decided I’m tired.

Today is November 1st, and if October was about action and awareness, then November is about grace, gratitude and giving.

That doesn’t mean I’m ever going to step foot back in that building or meet with the men who decided to be judges of my heart and soul.

Blessed be.

In fact, I received many more Messages from people who used to go to the same church who left because they received similar letters.

I’ve decided I’m going to pray for all the people that are left in the church that the elders and pastor actually realize the truth. That they stop preaching about fear and living in sin and condemnation and open their eyes to what faith and Jesus is really about.

My niece sent me a message late last night.

She said “church is not a museum for good people. It is a hospital for the sick and broken.”

I love that.

I’ve been invited to so many churches, and had leaders of the churches reach out. Not to condemn or punish or withhold…

but to give comfort and peace and love.

THAT is what leaders and followers of faith do.

They don’t just talk the talk.

They walk the walk.

I’ll walk with those who walk with Jesus.

Those who withhold communion are walking with the devil.

No thank you.

Although I appreciate all of the offers to go protest the church or call, it’s not needed. There are some who I love that still go there, and they have to figure this all out. I hope no one goes up for communion in that building this Sunday. I hope the elders and pastor read the Bible and stories of how Jesus tended to the sick, the women, the ones in pain. I hope they look back on all of the good families who made that church what it was as and who ended up being kicked out and ostracized or left.

Soon there will be no one left.

That’s not the Christian way.

Jesus welcomes everyone, and I bet he would offer me communion.

This month, I want peace.

I want healing.

I want a pain free body.

I want good scans.

I want an easier chemo, because yesterday was rough. I was sweating and nauseas all day.

I want to feel like Keri, from three years ago.

Today, if you can walk without pain, talk without feeling sick, breathe without issue…Give thanks.

If you can think about three months down the road and not wonder if you’ll still be here, give thanks.

If your newsfeed is full of day after Halloween memes and Christmas jokes instead of death notices for others who this disease has taken far too soon, give thanks.

Find all the things to be thankful for and be grateful.

Spread your grace.

Don’t take anything for granted…

Be grateful for everything.

And please, pray for me.

In Jesus’s name, amen.

Xoxo

Keri