I’m off to work today.
What the WHAT?
It’s good for my soul, and I GET to go to work. I may move a bit gingerly, not breathe as deep, and not give close face to face hugs while sitting down…
But I’ll softly talk. Read about telling a big green monster to go away, and discuss apples. I’ll sing a song about apples, count up to six, and maybe weed the garden if it isn’t too hot.
Yesterday was beautiful.
Danielle truly has a gift for massage and reflexology. I relaxed as much as i could while in pain and taking shallow breaths, and she worked her magic. I learned pressure points for my feet to help with liver pain. She said she felt me healing, and I stayed with that.
I came home to beautiful flowers from a woman I met through Facebook whose husband was in this arena with me for a while. She and her children have continued to live and laugh through their grief and sorrow, and are truly special humans.
I also received a bunch of ribbons in the metavivor colors from my friend Dienamarie. I’ll be handing them out and may run to michaels to make more. She also sent me a sparkly metavivor butterfly pin that I love. Pink, teal and green will be my colors this month.
The pinkwashing on the tv and in lesser stage groups is mortifying. All of my stage four groups are horrified with the glorification of the pink parties.A football team did goat yoga with survivors … the Philadelphia eagles. I commented and said we need research, not goats, yoga and pink merch. Tell me… which will help me more?
Another restaurant is marketing a pink drink. Save your money, spend the ten bucks and send it to metavivor. Me and our livers will thank you.
One woman said it’s like this big sparkly party that we weren’t invited to and will never get to go to because we were diagnosed stage four. Stop making cancer seem fun. “Hey! At least you get new boobs!” Actually, mine were never able to be amputated because it was “too late” for me. I’d give my boobs and my left arm to be cured.
Quinn went to a party and the mom tribe of friends were there for him. They all looked out for him and he had a great time. Mom tribes are amazing. If you don’t have one… count me in.
I got the email from my oncologist that perhaps this pain is the tumor shrinking.
I had visions of george costanza in my head screaming he was in the pool, and I thanked God for the pain. I’ll take it and breathe through it and use it to know where to send my prayers and energy.
Paula stopped by and dropped of my special juices. I’ve stayed away from a lot of friends the last month or two because it hasn’t been pretty at times here. Yesterday I looked a bit like a cancer patient, on the couch, heating pad on my liver, water nearby, my kids getting me what I needed as I was in the shallow area of breathing. I dont show you those pictures, because I want everyone when they visualize me to see me healthy. I even put on my ponytail extension yesterday I had purchased a month ago when I finally had enough hair for a nub. I wore it for a little while… then bought another wig on amazon. The juice was healing, as was sitting with a friend.
I’m in awe of the support that was given to my family with the running clubs go fund me. I now have five months worth of supplements and alternative therapies and special food we can get with the money.
Breathing room when you can’t take a deep breath means more than you know.
I’m going to start my “Superhero Teacher School” story today. I have never once told a child other than my own about the cancer. Some families in school told their children, but never me. I’ve been told the hair will fall out in a week or two, and I have this port that is pretty obvious on my chest.
The port is my magic flying button I press at night to help me fly and help keep the world safe at night.
Once I pass my flying test, they’ll start trying out superhero disguises. The magical hair fairies will come every night and try out different hair colors and styles to serve the assignment I’ve been given.
There was a movie about a boy and his dad in the concentration camps, and his dad made up stories and a game to not make it scary.
“Life is Beautiful”.
And it is.
It can be heartbreaking and hard and painful and full of sorrow.
But we can also lift our eyes and find beauty.
Today, May we all have a beautiful life… for years to come.
In Jesus’s name, amen.