Today is going to be a long day.
I’ll go to school this morning, teach, make sub plans, then leave at lunch.
Then I head to the hospital for port access, labs, port flush, injection in my stomach, oncologist appointment.
Then I head back to school to set up for Open House and meet and greet all of my parents this year.
The stresses put on teachers this year is pretty intense. New programs, bigger class sizes, needier children, and trying to navigate teaching children that don’t speak English and help them feel comfortable while also pushing native English speakers so that you’re reaching everyone at their individual starting points.
I bought myself on Amazon a big beautiful study Bible, with huge margins. I downloaded an app called the blue letter bible where it has multiple explanations to help you dig deep into each part.
It came yesterday.
So did an email telling me how people are upset with me and I am leading people astray by discussing Buddhism and Hinduism and implying I am not only upsetting brothers and sisters of Christ but Jesus as well. It also sent screen shots of another friend of mine who went to look at her energy field, a scientific new outlook with data… scientific data…. to back it up.
That’s a great email to get on September 11, the beginning of school, the night after I publicly stood up for the religious rights of families and the Bible at a school board meeting, and the night before a hospital visit as a stage four patient.
What’s a girl to do?
That’s where God placed people in my life to help me. I reached out to my friend from high school who is a minister. He assured me he knows I have the foundation of Jesus rooted firmly in my heart. He knows I am raising my children with faith. I can learn about other religions and faith and stay rooted where I am. As for leading others astray, I have had people tell me they have become believers again. One woman recently told me that my writings encouraged her to baptize her whole family this summer.
Then I messaged a woman who has been walking a faith walk publicly as well. She assured me that she sees God is using me, and leads me in love.
I’ve received emails before from Christians who happen to be very judgemental. “Judge not lest ye be judged. “- Matthew 1. I’ve been judged during this cancer journey…To the point of implying I wont get into heaven. So I’ve blocked those people. No one knows my heart or my relationship with Jesus but Jesus.
I know I’ve opened myself up on social media, my blog. It’s a hard thing, and you actually only see 25% of my true life. I felt the Lord lead me to share this faith walk, this medical journey, and all of the people and places He has lead into my life. I get horrible messages along with the nice ones. I mean, horrible. People have twisted my words and treated me poorly. With the good comes the bad. It’s a part of life I guess.
But you still only see part of it.
You don’t see the pictures of me sweating at night, crying, praying and talking to Jesus. You don’t see me driving me in my car, talking to Jesus. You don’t see me praying to Jesus at night for friends. You don’t see me getting injections in my body or having tubes sticking out of my chest and needles while I’m praying to Jesus. You don’t see me taking handfuls of pills all day long. You don’t see me rubbing cream all over my peeling feet and hands while praying to Jesus. You don’t see me trying to drink and eat with taste buds that make everything taste bad while praying to Jesus. You don’t see me wiping my watery constant eyes from chemo while praying to Jesus. You don’t see me crying while watching my children and praying to Jesus to see them grow up.
The only one who does is Jesus.
So everyone who is stalking my page and reporting to superiors… you can stop now.
I’m not sure what I am going to do.
Rob is Catholic. Maybe we start going to his church. But my kids like my church and want to be confirmed.
When I woke up yesterday, I thought my biggest issues today would be trying to teach, go to the hospital, then come back and do open house, all while dealing with chemo.
Well played, Jesus.
I guess its a good thing I got my new huge study Bible yesterday.
“For I know the plans I have for you, declared the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”- Jeremiah 29:11.
May His plans today include a fun morning, a smooth port access and injection, great labs, a great oncology visit with my doctor, and happy parents tonight.
In Jesus’s name, amen.
2 thoughts on “Judged by Jesus”
I study all religions as wet. Unfortunately, unlike you I have lost my faith but you are helping me to find it again. One day at a time
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You are such a encouraging person of faith. Your journey has challenged you in ways no one not in your shoes can phantom. You owe nobody an explanation. God knows you, and is pushing you forward. Seven years ago my Catholic faith was challenged. I too went on a spiritual journey to understand how to cope. My beliefs up until then we’re just not helping. I studied Buddhism for 3 years, and other beliefs. I can now say, my faith is stronger than ever. Just keep doing what you are doing. Whatever you need to get you through each day. My heart breaks for you that people judge. You are in my prayers everyday.