Dark Times Don’t Last

Here’s the thing about dark moments.

They don’t last.

I woke up crying yesterday, in pain. Along came the usual, “Oh my God. Is this metastatic spread everywhere? Is this side effects? Is this what it will be like at the end?”, followed by an email to my oncologist asking if this is a side effect and then thanking her and her nurse for helping me to continue to live and please find good information for me at the huge oncology meeting coming up next week.


I got up, prayed, and the day changed.

We went to lay flags at Calverton National Cemetery with the Boy and Gils Scouts. It’s always humbling yet beautiful to see little boys and girls lay flags on thousands and thousands of graves, walking silently among the rows of heroes. We finished, and Morgan was brought back to us from a friend who had her with her troop. We went to a section that I thought my grandparents were buried in, but it didn’t feel right, and my dad texted we were one area off. We got back in the Jeep and drove and I spotted the tree and bench by their grave.

As we walked up, there was a long line of cadets from the Suffolk County Police Department club for boys and girls, and they were calling off the names of the buried one by one, methodically, loudly, and with honor.

We got there just as one of the young men was moving to my Poppa and Nan’s final resting place. I whispered to the young man that he was about to say my grandfathers name. When I heard his name, I couldnt stop crying. One reason is that I miss them both so much. We all still miss them, and having them as grandparents was one of the greatest gifts of my life. The second reason is the respect shown to those long gone who fought for our county and yet still respected and remembered was beautiful. The third reason is that God somehow got me to that grave at that moment to see that moment of respect.

God’s timing.

Sometimes it surprises us.

I got a message from a new friend on Facebook, a friend of Alycia’s. I’ve been missing her a lot lately, and she still gifts me with friendship through her “Alycia’s Army”. I still have her in my heart, and now have some of her

Friends as well.

Then I took all of us to Gabriel Loren salon and it was such a good time, full of laughs.

Morgan surprised us all by donating her hair to “Children with Hair Loss”. It was even more meaningful as she has alopecia, and has a huge bald spot in the back of the head, covered by the hair that falls down over it. She is my sweet and giving girl.

Then when I went to pay, Ashley paid for my color as a thank you gift for teaching her daughter, and a mystery person called the salon and covered my hair cut. I am always humbled by those who show kindness, so thank you, mystery gifter. I didnt cry either, as we cut parts of my hair shorter again to try and help my hair take a shape as it grows.

I told Raquel I was worried about the next possible treatment should I need it, and she reminded me to be here now.

And “now” my hair looks great.

I was texting my summer son Joe, as was Rob. He had a huge day yesterday, and pitched a great game. His NYIT Bears are going to the College World Series, and we couldn’t be prouder. His mom and I were texting during the game, and we we both held our breath and breathed at the same time. His brother Ryan also plays on the team, and we couldn’t be prouder of our Murphy boys. Winning means he won’t be out this week, but we are so happy for him and can’t wait to celebrate when he finally comes to his “summer family”.

We went to Target afterwards and got the kids some bathing suits. (They are having a great sale, so get thee to target! It’s calling your names…).

Then we picked up a cousin and the kids all laughed and played. We went to Tanger last night and saw the first fireworks of the summer. It was quite a display. I came home exhausted but happy, and grateful I ended the day in the bed by just going to sleep, and not crying.

I’m up now, and as much as I wanted to go to church, I’m not. Im going to be Giving Room instead for restorative yoga and breathing at 8. Then I’ll get

Juice. My diet and nutrition has been way off. I simply have to get back on track.

So today is a new day, and I get back on track.

That’s how it works.

We get to start over every day.

May today be a fresh start for us all.

In Jesus’s name, amen.



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s