It’s finally February. January felt like an entire year. I’ve got an oncology appointment this week along with shots. It was nice to not have to go back for a few weeks, but also nerve wracking as this is a new treatment plan and the last appointment was left with…”Your lymph node may be growing…let’s check it again next appointment.”
I am reading a new book, “How to Starve Cancer”. It’s by Jane MacLellan and she discusses using off label repurposed medications, as well as the ketogenic diet. It’s something I’m considering now, as eating anything has become a test of the mind. Will this feed the cancer or starve it? It’s a hard way to live.
I posted on my Facebook today something that I wanted to share.
I hope it helps others.
Here it goes…
“I had a conversation with a friend yesterday. She is in so much pain, and I love her so much. I thought about her all night. Everyone has pain, and some are masters at keeping their lives together on the outside while on the inside?
It’s hard to keep breathing.
Anger can make you feel like you’re going to die.
When you get angry, it’s actually a different emotion.
All anger stems from hurt.
So when we get hurt by someone, it’s like a grenade goes off when it’s thrown at us, usually by someone we love or trust, but sometimes by strangers.
We feel like our life has exploded, and there is damage everywhere.
Of course we are angry/hurt at the person who threw the bomb at us.
But then there are all the other people around you. Some see your situation and rush to help. Some of those people you don’t even know, but they show up and see you.
Then there are the people around you who continue on as if nothing has happened. They don’t acknowledge that your world has just been blown up, that you are hurt, that you are trying to breathe. “Let’s just move on, shall we? Talking about it won’t help anything, what’s done is done. Carry on!”
That when you have a choice.
As you stand there in the devastation…
do you keep screaming, “Look at me ,
Damnit! At least acknowledge what has happened!”
Or do you take the hands of the people who reach out to you and say,”I see you. Come with me. I’ve got warm blankets and hugs and will listen to your heart and I will hold you when you cry… until the sun shines again, because it will.”
If you take the hand of those who see you and go to another street where it’s peaceful and calm, you may find yourself suddenly dropped back on the old street. The hurt and anger and disbelief at being invisible will come rushing back, but now you know…
There is place where you can go. You can tell yourself, “I choose who matters to me. Make it the people who see me and understand me and acknowledge my pain.”
It’s human nature to go back again and again because you question yourself…”Is it possible that these
People just don’t see me? They just don’t care about my hurt?”
And eventually you accept it, and refocus on the people who do see you, and offer you hugs and warm blankets and shoulders to cry on.
You may go back to that place again and again… and you wonder when you will stop going back.
You don’t go back there until you don’t.
Eventually the hurt fades, and you realize that those people are still in that place where the grenade went off, walking around pretending to not see the truth…. and you are somewhere else, surrounded by peace.
It takes time.
The hurt will fade.
Don’t judge yourself when you find yourself back on the old street. Perhaps you need more lessons to learn about yourself, and eventually, you learn them.
You also learn that your feelings are your feelings, no one can tell you to let it go.
That’s the trick.
Don’t let it go.
Sit with it, and then?
Let it be.
You can’t rush your healing, dear heart.
Eventually you’ll stop looking at the faces of those who look right through your pain, and instead look into the eyes of those who see you right back.
It will happen.
I was going to send this privately, but realized we are all more alike and others may need to hear this.
So here you go.
And know this…
I see you.
I’ve got warm tea and blankets and hugs and a shoulder to cry on and a hand to hold and prayers for peace.
I see you.
You can’t rush your healing.
Let it be.
You’ve got time, and time is such a wonderful gift.
I love you, friend…❤️
In Jesus’s name, amen.”