I’m done with the crying for the day. Yesterday was overwhelming for a lot of reasons.
More hair came out in the shower.
I had to restart chemo.
It took two tries to find a vein and a port was discussed. I know everyone said it makes it easier, but my gut still says no… I dont know why, and I’m a needlephobe.
I got lots of hugs to make it easier.
I did the same routine, went to the deli across from my school, for hugs, great food, and a selfie since they weren’t busy.
Then I ran into school and got hugs from my security guard and one of my custodians. I’ve talked about faith so much with these men. They are my brothers in Christ… and we make each other laugh. They also both worked at the local hospital. One of them would always appear, either when I had my babies or when I had emergencies. Gifts from God.
I hugged our secretaries and we laughed. They are the front line in schools, and sometimes deal with not so nice people. Be kind to school secretaries… every day, even in summer.
Actually, just be kind.
Then it was off to the hospital.
As soon as I walked into the chemo curtain area, I saw the mother of a dear friend. She was going to be there all day, so rob and I told her we would keep an eye on her and get her whatever she needed. I messaged her kids and it felt so good to focus on someone else. I sent her reiki and grabbed extra snacks for her.
I got hugs from my friend Heather, and she always fills me with hope. Hermina waked through the unit and I told her to tell my oncologist that I’m doing well. She loved my short hair and shirt my student gave me. She said she wished everyone had the attitude I did. People like me always do better.
It was good to hear.
A volunteer was handing out pillows and I got one that was mint in color and had animals on it.
The day after i find out my chinese herbs have antler of the deer in them and I’m going to name my blond wig “Bambi”.
My blood counts were fantastic, and my white blood count is even higher than it was on the low dose pill form.
They pushed anti nausea meds and then it was time for the taxol. The blood pressure cuff went on, the frozen peas and blueberries went into the socks and onto my feet and hands, and rob started spoon feeding me ice chips while I dictated a new email asking if there was any way we could substitute some of the supplements with other brands that friends have offered to get for me wholesale, as well as eliminate others that aren’t essential now like the neuropathy cream so I’m not spending a mortgage payment every month. I also have issues swallowing pills, and there are about seventy a day when I added it all up.He replied late at night that we can substitute some, eliminate the sinus and cough care, take out the neuropathy, he is being very aggressive now and hopes to lessen it all as I finish chemo, which could possibly be in two months or so.
So today we order, then sit with all of my angels sent to me and figure out where I will get substitutions.
I sailed through the first fifteen minutes beautifully with no reactions.
I wore a bracelet for a young man going through his own journey, and held him in sacred space all day. We are both walking through the fire now, but that’s when impurities rise to the surface and gold become more pure. I can send prayer and reiki from anywhere to anywhere.
Isn’t that great?
Taxol finished then they started carboplatin.
When I finished my nurse said I did really great and was her star patient.
(Or “highly effective” as Cuomo now makes me get rated.)
We decided to go to Joe’s game and it was lovely. We sat with his mom and dad and talked and talked. His mom and I snapchatted joe, and after the game he had two moms giving him”mom talk”.
We took Joe to Alive on 25, and ate at Parebelle. My dad always goes there with my brothers, and the waitress knew them, and my story, but didn’t recognize Electra, my silver wig alter ego. She said she would never be able to tell i just had chemo. She was an angel, and brought me three huge glasses of water at once and kept them all filled for me.
We came home and watched more Game of Thrones because the steroids hyped me up, and I have ringing in my ears. I also cant hear well. Donnie said it’s because of the copper in the carboplatin, which is why detoxing is so important. I’ll get my full hearing back and the ringing will stop in a day or two.
I also heard that Wednesday at Camp was the sharing circle night. It’s when the kids share why they are there. It’s a very emotional night, and my kids heard stories from children that didn’t get the happy ending. There are lots of tears, and it broke my heart that I wasn’t there to hug them. I cant even think of them sleeping without me. I’m glad they do it midcamp. This way they have formed bonds and feel safe sharing, then have two and a half more fun days. I get them back Saturday at five at the university, and I’m going to hug them so tight.
I’m not sure of my plans today.
I may head to the Giving Room, just for the energy. They sent me videos and have learned how to snapchat, and made me laugh all day yesterday when I needed it.
I’ll clean the kids rooms a little more and wash their sheets. Even put a little treat by their pillows.
I haven’t gotten any pictures from Wednesday or Thursday. That’s hard.
May I get pictures of my children smiling today.
May the ringing stop in my ears.
May I detox quickly.
May I figure out my new protocol.
May I be happy.
May I be healed.
May I be at ease.
May we all be that way.
In Jesus’s name, amen.