I did it.
It was more beautiful than I imagined.
When I knew I was going to lose my hair, I had a vision come to me of being on the beach surrounded by those I love.
Within moments Raquel sent me a message she would love to do the honors…. and saw me on a beach.
I went for a two mile walk yesterday morning while Maddie ran, then came home. My partner in crime from Cortland drove down to keep me occupied during the day, and we laughed. Sharon always has crazy ideas and somehow always talks me into doing them. We put on my wigs and scarves and laughed. Our friend Beth sent me a gift certificate for scarves and we marveled at how crazy it is that one year later after Beth shaved her head from chemo, here I am doing the same.
I went to pick up the baby’s breath crowns and flowers, and cried when Landscape Adventure said they were a gift. I used to love going into that flower shop at Christmas and looking at all of their villages, and now God has given me two amazing women as friends. I chose baby’s breath because it is a sign of new beginnings and a flower of the Holy Spirit.
Then I took a shower and did my hair for the last time in a while.
We got to the beach and started to set up. Paula brought blankets and crystals and I brought mason jars with lights. People began arriving and I immediately felt surrounded by love.
People from all phases of my life, from Valley Stream, to cousins, family, aunts, Roanoke, Aquebogue, class moms, friends, soul sisters.
Soon it was time and everyone gathered around.
Rob stood at my back as I thanked everyone. I told them how I pray this is the miracle oligometastatic case I’ve prayed for. I told them how that morning my friend Eileen mentioned scripture of how God will never let sparrows fall, and knows every hair on our heads, and that one year ago, a nun in a peach field said the very same thing to me as I cried through a fence.
Then it was time.
Quinn did the first cut.
Morgan did the second.
Maddie stayed in the back.
Then Raquel whispered if she should just get out the clippers and I said yes.
I closed my eyes as she buzzed off all of my hair, and prayed to Jesus to give me the miracle.
I was filled with peace, and breathed.
When I opened my eyes, I was covered in hair, and surrounded by love.
I asked for a group photo, and we saw a cloud with a little rainbow in it. Paula and I were like…”of course!”
Then everyone gathered for the group shot, and then we all just hung around while I took selfies with as many people as I could. (If I missed you, I owe you a selfie…)
When the night ended, I checked and saw my friend Tracy who took pictures for me sent me some.
My jaw dropped when i saw the group photo.
It hadn’t rained, and yet over us all…
A full rainbow.
And a cloud with the number 3.
Paula even called me and was shocked.
None of us saw it while we were there, only the little one in the cloud.
That’s like God’s Love.
You hear of it, may see a glimpse, but then can look back and find it was over you the whole time.
Thank you to everyone who came, everyone who sent prayers and messages, and everyone who loves me.
I still haven’t really looked in the mirror, but when I looked at everyone’s faces, I had love shining back at me.
I wish everyone could have that feeling.
It makes you feel like the most beautiful girl in the world.
May today mark the beginning of a new chapter, one full of healing.
In Jesus’s name, amen.