“Only Good News Today, Please”
I’ve been up since 2:00 am.
My breast is hurting, and my stomach too.
I’m saying it’s cancer carcasses disintegrating for the breast and nerves for the stomach.
It’s kind of inhumane to make a person wait 48 hours or more after a test that will say either, “Ok , still clean. Here are a hundred more tomorrows just like you had yesterday…” or “Sooooooo, the horrible thing has happened. On to the next chemo.”
I had really hoped that I would have gotten results yesterday, while I was home. Apparently the snow held it all up. Seriously?
Now I’ll be teaching all day waiting for the email or text or call.
How did this become my life?
Rob held my hands last night and I said I wondered what our life would look like right now had this never happened. The what if’s can break your heart. We promised to take more walks together and hold hands more. To take more trips, even if just for a day.
Waiting for news like this can put things into perspective. Big things become inconsequential and little things matter so much more.
I’m also praying for my friend Johanna and her mom Eileen. Johanna is a hero, and her mom has taught me all about grace under fire, and breathing underwater. She writes for a column every Sunday and her columns about faith lift my spirit. Johanna is undergoing brain surgery again today, for something like the 90th time. I’ve got a lot of prayer warriors here. Please hold them in prayer today for a successful surgery. They have been in the arena for twenty one years together, and they know how to keep moving in their chariot. I’m still learning, and watching them has helped me give the wheel to Jesus more.
Jesus, take the wheel.
I was so naive when I was walking around saying I would be cured right I after I got the stage four diagnosis. Now I understand what all those other stage four people meant. There was a video I posted of two other stage four women, one in her thirties and one in her twenties. One has been stage four for the past seven years.
She said she is tired.
Don’t get her wrong, she is grateful to still be alive when she has had so many friends die from the disease. She feels like an eighty year old woman physically and emotionally because many of her friends die. She is tired….because she has been on chemo for seven years.
And as horrible and exhausting as that sounds, that’s what my best news today will bring. More of the same chemo. The same chemo that exhausts me, keeps my body in a constant state of danger from infection and if you listen to the commercial, death from infection.
And that’s if the good news comes.
I’ve spent the past four hours reminding myself that I have Dr Snuffleuffugus and the herbs. I have organic juices and supplements and reflexology.
I have Jesus.
So today, may my friend Johanna be surrounded by His love and peace. May her surgery be successful and her recovery quick. May my good news come early and give me the hundred more tomorrows and then some.
In Jesus’s name, amen.
I didn’t have any pictures for today’s post. So I’ll just add one here.