I went to church yesterday and cried like I always do. We came home and I decided to run to the Giving Room to drop something off for my friends there. Cried all the way there.
Chances are if you see me alone in my car, I’m probably crying, as my kids don’t have to hear me.
I called my mom and she said to get a juice and go to the beach…
So I did.
I made a pit stop at a shopping center to pick up something, and just before I pulled away, a car pulled up and stopped for a moment. It was my neighbor Paula.
I had her son nineteen years ago or so in first grade, and then we bought the house across the street from her.
We’ve recently been praying together, as she runs a bible study online and in her house. I’m too tired to go at night to the study, but I start every morning with her at 5:30 am in her group online.
I got out of my car and told her how hard I’m trying to not be scared. To not worry about all the pain I ‘m feeling, the rash, and now? A vein that I couldn’t see before is prominent right above where the tumor was.
Three things that keep a girl up at night to pray and talk to Jesus about. I told her at first I was going to say I’ll just live with the dead tumors, but remembered that Jesus can do anything, so I’m asking Him to take all signs and traces away.
Well, right there in the busy movie theatre and supermarket parking lot, Paula laid her hand on my chest, grabbed my other hand, we closed our eyes, and she prayed.
I mean, she PRAYED.
She spoke healing over me.
Even with my eyes closed, I felt the stares of the other drivers trying to maneuver around us, but I didn’t care.
I was getting an extra dose of Jesus when I needed it.
When she finished, she went in the store and I went to the beach.
Wouldn’t you know, I saw my friend Joe and his daughter as I pulled up. We both had the same idea of looking at the beach. I was so glad I wasn’t alone, and because I saw them traipsing through the flooded water, I felt the courage to do it too.
I did a Facebook love video because I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. The devastation to the beach was unlike anything I’ve ever seen, even after a hurricane.
As I left, another older woman was there. She started to speak to me right away, like we were supposed to meet. She told me her name, I told her mine, and we both said we had heard of each other. She told me she beat breast cancer twice, has had many other issues, and just had her 31st surgery.
She said to keep laughing,
And to keep fighting.
I said I would.
I went to pick up Morgan from dance and my friend Melissa told me about the Bay, so we went to look at it.
It was so calm, a total opposite body of water than the one I had just left, but still damaged from the storm.
Sometimes the water is angry, sometimes the water is calm, yet it still shows its power to give and take away.
We went home and I grabbed Maddie and Quinn so I could take all three to the beach to see the power of the water.
They couldn’t believe it, and I know its going to be one of those, “Remember the day mom took us to see the beach after the big storm?” memories.
We went to my parents house and my mom has a bunch of old picture she is going through. I took a bunch of pictures that showed me as I was growing up, and marveled at the pictures of my grandparents and their families. How they all were always dressed up, and looked classy. How I wish sometimes we had a bit more of that these days.
We came home, had dinner, and I started to watch the Oscars, but turned it off. The thing that put me off the most was when the fancy movie stars went to see the little people
In the theatre across the street, and shot hot dogs out of arm held hot dog cannons and candy bags. When they showed the people all the fancy movie stars, the movie stars politely clapped and looked like they were thinking…”Oh look at the peasants, how cute. Let’s get back to the show.” Meanwhile, in the theatre, the regular people were going crazy over hot dogs being shot at them and candy being thrown by people in tuxedos who, if the cameras weren’t on them, probably wouldn’t give them the time of day.
We should go crazy over the sanitation workers, who help clean up the garbage. The nurses who help confort the sick. The police who run in to danger. The firefighters who run into fire. The waitresses who serve you dinner. The cooks who cook it. The teachers who care for your children. The ministers who spread the word.
*stepping off soapbox*
Today I’ve got to go for bloodwork before school. I’m praying it shows good counts. I’m also praying we don’t get the big storm Wednesday, as well as the one they are predicting for next monday, the day of the PETMRI scan.
I need to get it over with.
Either it shows I’m clear and clean and everything that is scaring me so much i can’t breathe at times is just more healing, or it shows the horrible thing, which means I adjust my sails.
Either way, I will be here next week.
As I wrote this, a ladybug appeared at my feet. I heard yesterday in church we aren’t supposed to look for signs, just look to Jesus, but it was a nice moment.
Good morning, ladybug.
Today may my veins in my arm pop out and the vein in my breast disappear.
In Jesus’s name, amen.