Now, I know what all of you “non-believers’ may think of doing.
Don’t skip this post, don’t write it off as “Jesus freak” ramblings.
Read it with an open mind and heart.
As I’ve stated before, I was the poster child for Christmas/Easter and sit in the back of the church club. I went to Sunday school, and even went to Bible Study, but never “got it”.
I’m still getting it. I think our relationship is always evolving with Jesus.
It started with me crying out in the oncologist’s office. “Oh, Jesus!” When you call out to Him, He listens.
One night, I was in a dark place. I couldn’t breathe, I was lashing out at everyone. I was in my bathroom, I had just hung up on my parents, and fell to the floor, sobbing at the thought of dying and leaving my children and husband.
I remember crying out, “Heal me Jesus, Please, heal me Jesus.”
I went blind.
I literally couldn’t see.
My parents had rushed over, and helped me stand up and move to the bed. (The children were downstairs with Rob). I also wasn’t breathing, as I was frozen in fear.
I remember my mom over me telling me to breathe.
I started to breathe, my sight came back, and we all just laid on the bed and hugged.
Me, my mom, and my dad.
I cry now thinking about it.
I believe that night, Jesus healed me.
I have been surrounded by people of faith. I’ve been anointed with oil three times. The first time, my friend Thud and his wife Emily came over. As soon as he walked in, he began telling me all about the story of Joshua. As we walked, we noticed the cup I had been drinking my Chaga tea out of had the Joshua 1:9 phrase on the rim.
“Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified. Do not be discouraged. For the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”
Then? My brother Rob sent me a picture of a medallion he wore over his police vest.
On the medallion? Joshua 1:9.
Three times on the night I was anointed, I heard the Joshua 1:9 verse.
The second time was with a family from my church. The father had also been healed from stage four cancer. He is an elder in my church, and he, his wife, and their son prayed over me as they anointed my head with oil. It was beautiful.
The third time was in my classroom. A woman I work with is very spiritual and anointed me during my lunch break. I work with several spiritual women, and I’ve been prayed over in offices and the hallway. It may be a public school, but I’ve felt Jesus at work.
I’ve listened to Joel Osteen, Steven Furtick, Max Lucado, T.D. Jakes. Joel Osteen’s mother, Dodie, had been diagnosed with metastatic liver cancer back in 1981 and is alive to this day, cancer free. All of these people have given sermons that have somehow touched my heart. Some may say to watch out for false preachers. I say if someone can bring you closer to Jesus, there is nothing false about that.
I was raised Lutheran, married a Catholic, but have become a Christian.
Some people are what I call “religion snobs”. If you aren’t what they are, you’re doing it wrong.
I say, if you believe Jesus died for your sins, and if you’re loving people no matter what and forgiving others, you’re a good Christian. If you are a different religion, I am willing to listen to what you believe, and to learn from you. If I believe we are all made by God, aren’t we all brothers and sisters?
There was a day this past summer that was so beautiful for me. I had just left a healing experience, and had felt Jesus and heard the God whisper. I had been saying, “I am healed”, but heard in response, “I’ve already healed you, ask for something bigger.” I then said, “I want to see my grandchildren grow up.” I heard, “You can see that from heaven.” I then said, “I am holding my grandchildren in my arms here on earth.” I started to repeat that over and over, and suddenly it switched.
It came to me to start to say, “I am ready and willing to do your will. Thy will be done.”
My sister-in-law Sandy had driven me, as we drove home I was telling her the story. Suddenly, as we drove past a peach tree orchard, I saw three nuns.
I looked at Sandy, she turned the car around, and said, “Go.”
I got out of the car and walked up the fence. The head nun came over and asked how she could help me.
I started to cry, and told her I had been healed by Jesus from stage four cancer, and was having trouble believing in the miracle that had happened.
She held my hands through the fence, and said something about how God knows every bird that is in the sky, his eye is on the sparrow, he holds each one in his hand, and that we are like the birds, being held in his tender hands. To believe that He has performed the miracle I prayed for and was desperate to believe I had received.
Then we prayed the Lord’s Prayer together.
Well, she prayed, I sobbed.
It was one of the most beautiful moments of my spiritual life.
I also heard about the miracle at Fatima several times. It is also called “The Miracle of the Sun”. It allegedly occurred on October 13 above a large crowd that had gathered in Portugal in response to a prophecy made by three shepherd children. The children had said the Virgin Mary would appear and perform miracles. Reports are that the sun zig zagged in the sky, careened towards earth, or emitted brilliant colors. The story came up several times during the past year, and on October 13th of this year, I found out that there would be a Fatima procession in my town. Wouldn’t you know, on that very day, a teacher I work with happened to give me a rosary she had gotten in Portugal at Fatima. I went with my children, Rob met us on the way, and we prayed. It was solemn and felt right.
I’ve made friends with a spiritual woman, Eileen, who writes the most beautiful blog about her faith. She wrote a book, Breathing Underwater, all about her journey while navigating her daughter’s health issues. I’ve met her in person and she has a light and peace about her that is full of grace.
I’ve been prayed for in churches all over the world. I’ve had pictures sent to me of candles lit in Lebanon, France, Germany, Italy, Ireland, England, Hawaii, Australia, South Africa, New York. My Aunt Jackie and Uncle Kenny are very involved in their church, and I know that Emmanuel Lutheran has been praying as hard as my own church, Our redeemer Lutheran Church.
I’ve reconnected with two people from high school. One was a boy I cheered for when he played football and basketball. He was always so kind, and is now the minister at a college. He has eased my fears and answered my questions with kindness and compassion, all that you would ask from a spiritual leader. The other was a girl who ran in a different circle than I did, but is now married to a pastor in a church near me. I went to thank her in person on Christmas Eve, and I felt such a connection to this woman, who is now my sister in Christ.
I declared I would be healed by Easter. On Easter Sunday I went into church and my sister in law told me I looked different. I said it was because I was healed. I believed Jesus died for my sins, and he was healing me.
My PET scan was forty days after Easter. It is believed that on the fortieth day after His resurrection, Jesus took His disciples to the Mount of Olives, where they watched him ascend into Heaven. I believe that weekend was the weekend when I got the physical proof that the cancer was gone, and that Jesus had taken it up to Heaven.
This past fall, my appendix perforated. I ended up in the Burn Unit in the hospital, because of had to be kept isolated due to the fact I had been on chemo. They wouldn’t operate as my white blood cell count was low, so they hooked me up to an IV and there I stayed for days. I couldn’t believe once again I was being tested. Thud and Emily came by and told me how gold is put into the fire, the impurities rise to the surface, and the gold comes out even more pure. Maybe I was in a time of fire, in the burn unit. It was decided I would have the appendix surgically removed once my strength was regained.
In the meantime, I went to see two energy workers. They both said there would be an issue during the surgery, but I would be ok. One woman said the Holy Spirit was with me always, and the other said I am directly connected to God. I actually felt full of what can only be explained as all consuming love when the energy healer from France worked over me. I later said it felt like Jesus was in me. It was an indescribable feeling.
The surgery came, and lo and behold, when I woke up, the surgeon said there was a little issue with my colon, and my intestine need to be cauterized. The pathology came back not only as healthy, but totally healed. Even my oncologist was amazed that there showed no signs of appendicitis.
Miracles and healing.
There’s so much more, but this is a blog, not a novel.
All I can say is that I wish for everyone to come to know and love Jesus as I have. He has been my saving grace, my friend, my savior, my King.
In Jesus’s name, amen.
5 thoughts on “Finding Jesus”
I almost skipped this one… but read all the way through!
You forgot about the candle lit for you at a church in Montreal, Canada ;)!
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God bless you. Jesus and us, just Jesus as you know can bring us to the Father God. I 💕 you already little sister. Thank you for your story.
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This is a wonderful post. One of the best I have read in a long time and exactly what I needed. I too am in need of healing. I’m trusting God and believing in His word that it will be done. God bless you and your family!
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