You would never know if you met me in the street today what I’ve been through the past three years.
It’s World cancer day.
You would never know what I’ve been going through if I didn’t share.
So here’s a rundown…
Diagnosed terminal from the start.
Told weeks or months.
Been throwing everything possible at it to make it go away…yet it keeps spreading.
Breast biopsy, lymph node biopsy, sacrum bone biopsy, liver biopsy, skin biopsy.
Appendix removed.
Port placed into chest for easy access for chemo.
Treatments that have failed to stop progression….Ibrance, Letrozole, fulvestrant, clinical trial, taxol, carboplatin, verzenio, everolimus, xeloda, tamoxifen, xgeva, adriomycin, Cytoxin, doxil.
Too many scans to count.
Lost my hair twice.
Gained forty pounds.
Menopause induced.
Hot flashes.
Side effects include headaches, exhaustion, skin peeling from hands and feet, bone pain.
Three long term hospital stays.
Hundreds of vials of blood.
Too many sleepless nights crying and worrying if I will see my children grow up.
Too many tears shed over friends I’ve made who I’ve loved and lost… megan, Alycia, Leila, Lisa, Brittney…
It’s the suckiest club no one wants to join, yet it’s filled with the kindest people.
It’s the spinning wheel you want to get off of, but can’t… because you’ll die.
It’s the club where everyone has opinions on what you should be doing, especially those who have never been in your club.
It’s the club where when you die, you’re a loser. “She lost her fight against cancer.”
Screw that.
Everyone in the club wins every damn day they get out of bed.
And when they die, they didn’t lose.
It’s the club where everyone is exhausted and puts on a brave face even when scared.
It’s the club where after a while, relationships change because people just can’t handle your diagnosis.
Which makes you feel even worse…
But you appreciate the ones who stay even more.
You would never know if you looked at me.
I’ve been sent so many people I’ve lost count.
Some people in the club are quiet about it.
That’s ok too.
You would never know if you looked at them, either.
It’s a weird place to be, sometimes you look
Healthy and feel ignored…. and sometimes
You look like a cancer patient and want to be swallowed up and have no one look at
You.
It’s the club where people feel obligated to tell you about other people they know with cancer….who died.
More and more people are coming into the club every day.
I hate this damn club…
And love everyone in it. Today we welcomed Shannon Doherty to our club. Maybe she will pull a Michael J Fox and fundraise like crazy for a cure. But if she doesn’t… that’s ok too. Everyone handles it differently. I cant wait for “World Cancer Cure Day.” In Jesus’s name, amen. Xoxo Keri