Three Years Stage Four

Happy anniversary to me.

Three years ago today I sat across from a doctor who told me the cancer had spread and I was stage four… terminal, and had little time left.

These three years have been the hardest yet most full of love of my life.

I’ve learned to appreciate the little things along with the big things.

I’ve been able to continue to watch my children grow.

I’ve grown closer to Jesus even though I’ve left my church.

I’ve learned how boundaries are a sign of self love.

I’ve learned to not be as judgemental as I was. Today’s society has become a toxic wasteland at times. Two sides that never compromise, and if people make mistakes others are gleeful and never forget.

I was struck by words of kindness I saw yesterday from two gentlemen. Words of acceptance and kindness. That’s what I want to be like.

A safe harbor in a storm.

After all, Jesus is the only one who should judge us and our actions.

Every bone in my body hurts today. Im not sure if it is the doxil chemo or the xgeva shot. Rob is already up and off to Maddie’s rotc meet in Mattituck. I’ll be there later today, as I just can’t get moving that fast today.

Yesterday was a whirlwind. I got to school early to finish shellacking a parent gift from the kids, we had an hour and fifteen minute assembly ending with Santa, we made our own wrapping paper envelope and decorated it, we had a cookie and milk party, finished up our stuffed sock snowmen, and packed up all of the crafts and gifts they made.

The staff worked so hard and also lost all dignity to make the kids happy. The things we do for our students.

I pretty much crawled out of school in exhaustion.

I was surprised by a former student and her mom. I havent seen her mom in about twenty years, and she thanked me for all I did with her daughter. She remembered when she wouldn’t wear her new glasses, so I made a point to wear mine the next day. My student wrote a beautiful note for me and I’ll treasure it forever. She now works in my district and I’m so proud of her… (and feel really old).

Today is Maddie’s meet, and we might go see Star Wars tonight. Maddie is tired too, as she stayed after yesterday to fill up baskets for families in need. We’ve got some great kids in Riverhead.

Tomorrow I’ll do some shopping and bake cookies.

I’m hosting a cookie swap Monday night with some friends. I used to have huge swaps before the cancer came, and stopped. It’s time to bring it back.

Im not letting cancer steal anything from me anymore.

Today, let’s all try to give others a fresh start. Be grateful you are alive and are able to do so.

Be kinder with your words, and gentler with your actions.

Recognize your own blessings instead of pointing out others shortcomings.

Be so full of self love and happiness it can’t help but spill out onto others.

Take time to breathe and stretch and eat something healthy.

Give more hugs and tell other you love them.

Make it a beautiful day.

I’ll be thanking God for all of this extra time I’ve been given.

In Jesus’s name, amen.



One thought on “Three Years Stage Four

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s