We are in Attleboro MA.
But I’m a woman on fire, who has that bus that can run you over at any time with my face plastered on the side on the roadside, as i paddle frantically away in a boat surrounded by sharks with one ready to attack while fighting that damn mountain lion that has been clawing at me for years
. I know I just took the most toxic chemo they’ve got, which I’ve been told could bring blood cancer and help the sharks that are ten feet away later down the road should I survive this shark attack, but I’m praying research will help me with that shark later.
I did well yesterday.
I drank a lot of water, and went to the Giving Room for the first time since July. It was a lot harder summer than I let on. Skin was peeling off my feet in sheets, and I was embarrassed about my feet. Every cycle of the xeloda brought a different side effect. Nausea, stomach issues, eye issues, blisters. I had to stay out of the sun.
But yesterday I went in the car and drove myself out and had a lovely time. Paula made the special juice, the Dandy Donnie, which has beets, dandelion, carrots, apple, lemon, and ginger in it. It’s all good for the liver. She sent me off with four as well as a turmeric almond carrot and cinnamon drink to help continue the liquid fast. It’s such a wonderful place, a healing place for me.
Then we made a last minute decision… chemo be damned. We decided to bring madison up to Boston to see Emerson college. We will also see Boston university. If screenwriting and film directing is what her heart is leading her to… then we need to figure out what she needs to do to make this happen. NYU will also be on our visit list.
We packed up Morgan and kasha and left them with my parents. She needed a quiet weekend, with lots of nanny and grandpa love and snuggles. They have always been like a second set of parents to my kids, and have stepped up without ever being asked during the last three years. I know how lucky I am.
Then we dropped off Quinn at the Boy Scout Skills weekend campout. He is camping with a buddy who is camping for the first time, and we were so proud to watch Quinn show him how to set up inside the tent. He is well watched over by the moms and dads there. This is the weekend that little Andrew McMorris, one of the scouts from the troop, was killed by a drunk driver while the troop was well supervised and hiking along a road. This scout group is full of the most loving, strong, resilient, compassionate people I’ve ever met. Please keep Troop 161 and the families in your prayers. They will be finishing the hike on Monday that Andrew was never able to finish.
Then we hit the road with Maddie. We drove as far as we could with the intentions of going to Boston. We looked at hotels and they were priced outrageously, so we decided to get the $103 special at the Knights Inn. The three of us are sleeping in a bed, but there’s something sweet about having Maddie tucked between me and rob. It seems like yesterday she was a baby, nestled in our arms, and we would watch her sleep.
Thank you God for this day. I was told three years ago I would not here.
That’s keeping me here.
On the way up, I checked Facebook and saw that Justin Cobis, Maddie’s teacher, track coach, my colleague and friend, went live with a go fund me. We had discussed doing something this summer, like a fun run, and I approved the picture to use the night I got chemo, but it was still a shock to see.
It’s always a shock to see my face on any fundraiser. It’s embarrassing, humbling, yet God provides. It’s a gift from friends and God has said, “Here’s another trial, daughter. It’s going to be the worse one yet. But I’ll send your friends to help pray for you and support you. Be strong and courageous, keep holding that mustard seed, and I’ll carry you when you are weak. I have great plans for you. Keep all the stones that are thrown at you, for we are building something great.”
At least I hope that’s what He is saying, or else we will have quite a talk when I get up there.. in forty years or so.
I keep saying this chemo agent is the one that will be the DNA damaging agent and fix this P53 mutation issue, and maybe the EFGR1. There’s another mutation, and they think the cancer keeps mutating, so there could be another liver biopsy in my future if this doesn’t work. But it will. I can already take a deeper breath. Not much, but enough.
Today we go to Boston university at 11:30 for a Tour, then Emerson at 2:00. I’ve got a huge bag of meds that needed its own carrying case. Anti-nausea drugs, pain drugs, Claritin, Tylenol, 160 pills sorted into different bags, a bottle of tincture, six packs of Chinese herbs… and a partridge in a pear tree.
Today nausea and bone pain will be the big concern. The emend IV wears off on day three, and last night in the car the machine attached to my arm went off and injected neulasta. Rob held my hand and Maddie leaned forward and rubbed my wrist as I had a panic attack. It’s the first time Maddie saw one, and she reacted in such a compassionate way, I almost cried, but I just breathed through it.
I still don’t know how this became my life.
It’s not…at…all… what I thought would happen. I know God has plans for me.
I read somewhere that we choose our story before we ever come down to Earth. We choose the story and our soul pack travels with us. Some believe we only get one life down here and that’s it. One chance.
Some believe we keep coming back, choosing different parts to play with the same souls over and over, until we reach the higher good. I find it hard to believe that a soul would choose childhood cancer, or to be taken so young, or to get cancer at 43 years old. But supposedly the story we choose to live helps the greater good.
So I keep telling myself that this story I’ve chosen will be that this is the chemo that works, obliterating all of the cancer in the breast, lymph, spine, hips, and liver. Then doctors will study me and my dad and be like… wait a second! This can be a targeting agent! And more lives will be saved. Kind of like Henrietta Sacks.
A girl can dream, right?
I feel weird attaching the RunIVMore link, like I’m begging for money. It’s actually for piece of mind. It costs about $2,000 a month for the supplements and teas and things to keep healthy during treatment. Someday insurance will realize how to keep patients healthy as they treat them and then pay for it. The Mederi method will show them all.
Donnie Yance is brilliant.
My oncologist is brilliant.
Dr snufflufogus is brilliant.
Madame swoosh is coming back from France in two weeks. She is blessed.
Jennifer Williamson said she will come to my house for more energy healing, and is blessed as well.
Danielle DeLongis is a gifted healer with magic hands at the peaceful scorpion, and will soothe my aching body, and get my lymph system to flow.
Paula DiDonato will fill me with organic juices to help clear the toxins away.
My kindergarten will keep me on my toes, as we laugh and they marvel at my magical hair as it changes every day and keeps their attention as we learn how to read, opening the door to so many stories to come.
My friends and my family will love me harder.
And I am healed.
In Jesus’s name, amen.