It’s hard to get everything done in the morning, between chemos, supplements, teas, packing for the day, mouthswishing, juicing celery juice, cutting the lemon for the water, adding Manuka honey to the chaga…
I just have to get up earlier.
I’m sore today.
It was an intense weekend at Yoga Teacher Training. Friday night I gave my dharma talk to the class, and that took all of my energy to get through it.
Saturday we did a lot of assists and wrote up practicals, and I arranged for Qi gong after class as an offering to the other teachers. Yesterday I made corn muffins and a crock pot of chili to feed the class.
I think I feel like a fraud sometimes in class, surrounded by others who have so much more time to devote to the practice, and know all of the meanings of the hard to pronounce words for poses and what the koshas, bandhis and sutras are. So I fed everyone chili.
But near the end of class, after I admitted my energy was way off, my friend laura came over and told me that it’s normal. The first time she took teacher training she felt the same way. It made me feel so much better. Then she gave her talk on the sutras and it all clicked.
I’m out of my comfort zone…
But I’m still in the game.
Im grateful to be able to play.
Saturday we did crow pose, where you lift up your body and rest your knees on your elbows. I couldnt get up, and only one foot could come up. It was frustrating.
I focused, put a blanket in front of my head so I had a cushion when I face planted, (which apparently I’m an expert at), took a deep breath, Rose up on my tiptoes, slowly bent my knees and car down and spread my knees wide, put my hands down shoulder width apart, rested my knees above my elbows, squeezed my arms into my chest, lifted my hips high, lifted my feet off the ground…
And I flew.
I shocked myself and fell over from the shock.
The I did it again.
At the end of the public class I showed
everyone I finally did it. Paula took a picture for me.
Instead of looking at myself with a critical eye…the wig looked off kilter, I’ve gained weight from the chemos, why the heck did I wear patterned pants?
I saw me.
Strong enough to hold the weight of my body up in suspension.
Not giving up.
It felt good.
I may be a crow in kindergarten today.
We will see if my achey body allows.
Today is Monday.
It’s a new day, a new work week.
A new chance to start over.
May we all have a beautiful week full of peace, joy and love…
ALL the healing.
In Jesus’s name, amen.