Faith Over Fear

Today is round two.

Two of sixteen.

It seems like this is the time when it is going to start to become real.

It also seems like every day I’m waiting for side effects to start, side effects that scare the crap out of me.

I saw pictures of women whose nails turned black and the nails lifted off the nail bed. I’ve been told to keep my nails short.

I’ve been doing mouth rinses with Biotine as well as baking soda and salt several times a day to try and stop any possible mouth sores.

I’ve looked for pictures of women who’ve shaved their head and their one year later pictures to gauge how it will be. I got in the mail a bunch of scarves and wore them my around my kids yesterday. I also got two care packages in the mail from dear friends. Silver linings make the gray clouds more bearable.

I’ve been practicing breathing and resting.

But I’m still scared.

My heart still sinks when I’m told to prepare for the days three and four.

I keep trying to replay my oncologist saying that since I did so well throughout all the other treatment, she expects me to do well, and other than hair loss, fatigue will be the biggest issue.

I keep saying “oligometastatic “ and thinking that this is the right thing.

I went to the downtown street fair and saw a lot of people and got a lot of hugs.

I had hoped to stay for fireworks, but Maddie has been struggling with this summer cold, and I have as well. I took her home, as my ears are so stuffed and noises bother me that the fireworks would have been hard anyway. I cant believe I got hit with this summer flu/cold right when chemo started. It’s like starting the marathon after finishing a 10K.

We head to the second chair session. I’m scheduled for 10:40. I saw a friend last night and she said just focus day by day. It reminded me of the joke, “How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.”

Chomp chomp.

I haven’t heard back about the blood tests and biopsy. I’m hoping that means she is researching everything.

Say a prayer for me that there’s no allergic reaction and it doesn’t kill me as it goes in, that it goes right where it is needed and pushes all the cancer away while leaving most of my white blood cells intact, and that all of the horrid side effects decide I’ve been through enough and to just let me be.

May round two be easy on me and swoosh out the cancer.

In Jesus’s name, amen.

Xoxo

Keri