Apparently, day three does suck.
NO matter how hard you visualize it not sucking, it still sucks.
I went and got my haircut. Raquel opened just for me and had soft classical music on. I cried. My mom cried. She cut the ponytail off and I flashbacked to the little curl she kept in her wallet when I was little.
They both said I may have to go shorter again so it’s not so bad psychologically. I never wanted short hair, but then again, I never wanted cancer. Raquel made a hard and sad moment become quiet and sacred and full of love. She is a blessing in so many ways.
I felt like the daughter from Steel Magnolias, and Julia Roberts hit that hair cut scene pretty well. But I plan on a different ending to my story.
I took Quinn to the movies and met my sister Jill. She held my hand and rubbed my back as I cried behind Quinn during the Winnie the Pooh trailer.
I love my family.
I crashed as the movie ended, came home, and felt like I was dying. My throat was on fire, my teeth hurt, my whole body hurt. My big plan of forcing myself to eat salads and healthy went out the window and I had ice chips for dinner.
I told rob to make sure the kids know it’s not the cancer, but the treatment that was making me sick.
Morgan rubbed my feet and took care of me.
It was a long night.
I’m drinking water, just took Tylenol, and am going to do the first of several mouthwashes today.
It’s also Maddie’s first day of work.
This is not at all the summer I had planned. I’m sad, yet holding onto hope that next summer will be better and many many more after that.
I dont know what I need to feel better.
I know I need prayers.
So please pray.
Pray that the first one is the worst, or that this was just some summer flu I had hit me at the same time as chemo.
Pray the cancer shrinks quickly, they get it out, and I am truly that minuscule percentage of oligometastatic patients.
Pray I keep Jesus in my heart and God ahead of me as I walk this path.
No sad face emoji please. No